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March 2013 time for shoes!

(998 Posts)
Plonkysaurus Fri 21-Feb-14 17:18:05

New thread ladies...

ecofreckle Fri 21-Feb-14 17:21:13

Ha! You did JUST beat me to it :-) Thanks Plonky pops.
<overfamiliar because it's Friday>

StormyBrid Fri 21-Feb-14 17:52:08

<waves>

So, how's everyone today?

I like over-familiar Friday, eco chops

I've been at work, training gossiping in another department because they think I'm well good and that.

How are you, and stormy?

Also, does this sound like any of you? When DCs have dirty nappies, us mothers pick 'em up and change' em but when DP does it "...oh god, it's the worst one ever, it smells so bad, it's so big, can you come and get me some more wipes out of the cupboard by my legs, can you throw away this nappy bag?"

Something DH doesn't do dirty nappies because she has girl bits and he doesn't know how to clean those hmm. He will 'help' me change them, by standing beside me holding the nappy bag literally in front of my nose. If there is one place my nose doesn't want to be it is up close and personal with a nappy bag.

However he is currently crawling round on the floor on baby duty, so I have no complaints.

StormyBrid Fri 21-Feb-14 19:06:51

I'm a bit crap today, unsurprisingly. He's gone to wallow in his new place, can't comprehend that this doesn't have to be the end, vaguely threatened to kill himself, made a melodramatic fb post, and now won't respond to his panicking mother's attempts to contact him.

On the plus side, family are supportive, and DD seems fine even though her dad's ignored her for three days and her mum keeps bursting into tears.

Oh Stormy, you poor thing. I've been thinking of you today, and hoping you were doing ok. Good for you in taking control.

ecofreckle Fri 21-Feb-14 23:11:38

Came on to say something supportive and friendly to Stormy but I have just returned from seeing 12 years a slave and my normal brain has been chewed up.
I hope that you wake up to a fresh feeling day Stormy and that you and fartypants can find some fun together. Will you be seeing brother/dad this weekend?
Oh, and facebook at these times is a Bad Thing. Interesting that he is sharing his feelings there though. This is evidence that they do exist I guess. Maybe with the new space he has it will afford him time to process, compute and communicate whatever comes out. Tonight is cold turkey on our night feeding (the boobs are switched off and I've had lots of wine to ensure my resolve stays with me) so I will be up most of the night if you wish to chat. But I hope instead that you sleep.
Night all. And don't see 12 years a slave if you are in any way delicate.

ecofreckle Sat 22-Feb-14 02:11:41

Listening to crying is challenging isn't it. However I went to bed with terrible images of slavery in my head and saying 'I will never moan about mothering again'. I lasted two hours.

yummychocolate Sat 22-Feb-14 02:14:57

Ohhhhhh a lovely new thread. Thanks plonky.

eco how is your night going? Ds is teething again. Its our third rubbish night in a row and he was doing so well few nights ago. I have resorted to night feeds again but only to put calpol in bottles and it settles him quicker and I am too tired. He wont take calpol from syringe/spoon at night. I have heard a few people say that about that film. I am too delicate but still intrigued. I am one of those people who watch from behind a cushion.

stormy let tomorrow be a fresh start. If it is a nice day tomorrow go for a lovely walk with dd and have some fun with her. I know our babies are small but I think our babies can sense if mummy is upset. Your dp is a grown man. It may take some time but I think eventually he will understand where you are coming from and do something about it. Be strong.

something whether it is a nappy change or bath time. I am always called to pass him this and that. Organisation is not his strong point. It really bugs me.

yummychocolate Sat 22-Feb-14 02:16:46

X post. eco I wish you good luck, it will get better.

Shatteredmamma1 Sat 22-Feb-14 06:27:53

How was the rest of your night eco?
Hope you're ok stormy thanks

StormyBrid Sat 22-Feb-14 08:08:19

Not a bad night, actually. Not vast amounts of sleep, but while lying awake I felt a lot less stressed than usual. And Fartypants did alright too - all week she's been after two night feeds, but last night we just had one.

On the downside, what with the suicide threats and the saying he just doesn't know how he's going to react to this, I don't want to leave DD with him right now. He's very unlikely to do anything silly, but the stakes are too high if he does. So I'll be missing my brother's birthday curry for the second year in a row.

BettyOff Sat 22-Feb-14 08:18:28

Aah Stormy that sucks. Hopefully he'll grow up and realise that wallowing isn't going to get him anything he wants and start speaking at some point. Could DD make a special guest appearance at the curry for a wee while?

I'm thoroughly pissed off. DD had 5 good nights (not feeding until 5) but then last night was up 2-4, I fed her at 3 then brought her into bed after 4 because I was getting too tired and pissed off not to shout. Every time it start getting better we take a huge step back. I'm so fucking sick of being up at night. In 2 weeks I'm doing 3 13hr shifts in a row with a 75min commute either side and adding being up from 3am to that seems like I'll either fall asleep on the motorway or at work. I'm dreading it. Sorry for the moan but every now and then I lose the ability to cope with all this shitty shittiness.

StormyBrid Sat 22-Feb-14 08:43:39

Moan away, Betty, I'm just amazed you have the energy to! Curry will be a bit late, I like DD to be in bed by eight at the latest. We'll go out another time though.

After lots more thought and talking to family I'm not sure I want to fix him. I'd tell him something was bothering me, he'd stare blankly and then just discard the information. And he did that all the time, even when I pointed it out to him. He didn't care enough about me to stop doing things he knew bothered me. Doesn't bode well, does it?

StormyBrid Sat 22-Feb-14 08:44:26

Freudian slip, meant not sure I want to fix things. I can't fix him though, and he doesn't want to fix himself.

ecofreckle Sat 22-Feb-14 09:29:23

stormy do you think he could be persuaded to talk to a couples counsellor at all? And for that matter could you stomach it? Dh and I saw someone who really helped us with an issue that wasn't shifting. You have someone else saying the stuff usually coming from your mouth without it sounding like nagging and it may help you see a way you could change your own communications to fit his idiosyncrasies. Not for everyone I know but this sounds like classic case of two people who want to be together but facing a stumbling block. Hope you find some sunshine today. Bum about curry. get a tale away version instead?

Betty. Rant away about the shitty shit. I'm right there with you. You got dh today? Some baby free time sounds required?

Plonkysaurus Sat 22-Feb-14 09:38:17

Well look at that. Started a new thread and buggered orf!

Can we have Overfamiliar Fridays as A Thing? Something has Jacket Potato Mondays and I'm quite jealous. I like to have a theme to my days.

Something DP will no longer change a dirty nappy if it's cloth. I don't much care tbh, he'll handle the wet ones which is 2/3 of the load. But yes, in general. The pooey nappies he changed were always MUCH worse than the ones I change. DS has some nappy rash at the moment and dry skin on his tummy. According to this DS is incredibly ill (he's not) and needs to see a doctor forthwith (no). I just put some cream on hmm

Stormy Grrrr Facebook. Funny how he can't talk to you but can announce big life changes in public. Anyway, that's another rant for another time. I'd try to not make huge decisions right away but use this time to gather my feelings. I think it speaks volumes that you felt less stressed. Probably best not to leave DD with him if you're not sure - always trust your instincts, you have them for a reason.

Eco how was the film? I've not been to the cinema since I was about 16 weeks pregnant! Though I did watch Argo while in early labour and I thoroughly enjoyed it (and might have said 'argo fuck yourself' to a midwife, oh dear!) How was last night?

Betty It's always one step forward, two steps back isn't it? Rant away, you've done incredibly well. Like Something said earlier, I'd be a mess without my routines, so seeing you cope so well with so little sleep is incredible.

Yummy TEETH SUCK.

DS is pulling all the dvds off the shelf. Do I let him carry on in the vain hope that he's learning? We have some film theory books too from uni if that helps.

Oh I meant to add, about the length of relationships...We've been together four and a half years. The bickering started halfway through my pregnancy. I think the last week has been horrible and amazing. We're now both on the same page and trying to take the time to consider why we each might be acting the way we are...and remember the love. It's like a friggin muppets film in this house. Best go, DS is wailing. Probably found a rubbish DVD.

yummychocolate Sat 22-Feb-14 10:43:01

betty I sympathise. I live in hope that we will get through this stage. I am so gettibg my revenge when ds is a teenager. 13hr shift is long. Who will be looking after dd when you finish your shift and catch up on sleep?
To be honest ds shitty sleep was the deciding factor in me going back part time. My start date is 20th march. Countdown begins for us!

plonky i would just leave ds too it. Saying no will not exactly stop him from doing it. Distraction is a good technique but they always go back to pulling things off shelves as toys are sooooo boring.

Me and dh have been together for over five years and married for 3. We started bickering when ds was born. Sleep deprivation, not knowing what to do with a baby, me being on mat leave, start of running a business and my lovely dm 'helping' with ds when he was first born (dh saw this as her interfering) were all factors. Also, you may all remember my mil staying with us for a month. We just did not realise how much our relationship would change with a little person. I never knew how being at home would be so hard. I resent dh for going to work.

All the arguments are worth it because I have a yummy baby. ( I refuse to call him a toddler yet)

The sun is out and we should be out but I am exhausted and have really bad period pains. I just want my bed. The coil has not helped with period pains at all.

StormyBrid Sat 22-Feb-14 12:32:03

Couples counselling? Not bloody likely. From his perspective, last week we were happy, and now I've ruined his life out of the blue for no reason. From my perspective, I've been trying to talk to him about our problems and making it clear that if they can't be tackled we can't be together, for a very long time. So how did he not see this coming? Was he just not listening to me at all? Did he think I'd just put up with things forever? Is there ant answer to "How did he not see this coming?" that doesn't involve him being a dick?

House stuff. One example. The tobacco tin lives at the end of the kitchen counter. I like to keep it tidy, so DD isn't going to be able to fiddle with it, and so the place looks neat. I've asked him many a time to try to keep smokables in the tin. And yet within a day of me cleaning, there are loose rizlas, bits if cardboard, scraps if tobacco absolutely covering an entire square foot of counter. If I then ask him to clear it up, he says okay and then doesn't. I've explained to him that, whatever his intentions, what he's actually doing is assuming that I'll clear it up if he can't be arsed - he expects me to skivvy for him. I tell him this isn't acceptable behaviour, he keeps expecting me to be the skivvy. And he refuses to accept that that's what he's doing.

I've spend the past year squashing the thoughts as soon as they enter my head, because I knew if I acknowledged those thoughts I'd have to leave him, because he makes me unhappy and refuses to stop. No more.

ecofreckle Sat 22-Feb-14 12:36:28

stormy love, if he makes you unhappy then there you have it. Sorry you're feeling wretched.

StormyBrid Sat 22-Feb-14 12:43:59

I'm not feeling wretched in the least. I keep thinking of things I'm not going to have to do any more - unscrunching his socks before I wash them, rinsing his stubble out the bath, clearing up his crumbs, feeling guilty about his eating disorder, reminding him to wash his hands and then explaining why they need washing when he complains. Stewing over important things while I try to pick the right moment to bring them up and knowing whatever moment I pick he'll complain that he doesn't want me throwing all this "reality shit" at him. I don't have to do any of that any more. I'm sad that he claimed to love me yet happily made me miserable. I'm angry that he's behaving like a selfish emo teenager. But I don't feel wretched. I feel free.

ecofreckle Sat 22-Feb-14 12:54:27

Well, in that case, brilliant! Sounds like you've done the thinking,
weighed things up fairly and made the best decision for you and fartypants. I'm just sorry you'll miss that curry. You sound like a celebratory wine might be nice. Cheers to freedom x

Stormy if the changes you have made have left you feeling free, I'd say you've probably made the right ones smile

Betty sympathy, lack of sleep is an absolute killer, and 13 hr shifts no better.

Eco well done on the sleep training. Keep us posted, I'm interested to know how you get on. I thought I'd made progress only to find myself back with a 2 hour settle, and much yelling last night. So that was fun. Not.

On the length of relationship front, I've been with DH for 15 years, married for nearly 14. Do I get a prize! I reckon I bl**dy deserve one wink. Of those the first 18 months were amazing, he was absolutely my soul mate. Then it all went wrong, and to be honest we should really have separated. I'm glad now that we worked things out, as it really does feel like I've re-found a person I had lost, but if I've learnt one thing along the way it is don't put up with being miserable as you can't get the years back. I've a lot of admiration for you Stormy in knowing your own worth.

Having a lazy day here, as DH is looking after dd so that I can relax. I'm tired, and grumpy (oh ok it's PMT grin) but more worrying suspect I may have cracked a vertebrae. I'm going to have the brave the rubbish GP again. I imagine she will diagnose a sore throat and prescribe verucca powder. Or something.

StormyBrid Sat 22-Feb-14 13:32:35

Gah, lost a post, stupid phone. The gist was I've amazed myself. Never used to have much by way of self esteem or self respect, but somewhere along the line I've acquired plenty. It's weird.

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