December 08 ers still going strong.

[Vagolajahooli]

Hello ladies, can you believe we will be entering into a 6th year of this thread this year?

[Vagolajahooli]

You'll have to forgive the lame title I'm feeling very fragile today.

DH and I went out with one of his work colleagues and his girlfriend last night. We had a hoot, but drank loads of beer. I laughed so hard one time a little bit of wee came out. Was so good to laugh so hard. Even funnier when we got home. We have noticed a little black bunny rabbit that scurries around our neighbourhood after dark. We saw him a couple of times before christmas and have wandered if he belongs to someone as he doesn't look like the normal wild bunnies we see and he lets us get quite close to him. Anyway, last night he was out in the street near our house when we got home so I decided to go and get it some food and try to catch it. So we raced into the house, the babysitter was in the loungeroom and in our drunkeness (and slight excited belief that we might be able to catch this rabbit) we started excitedly telling the babysitter that there was a black rabbit outside. However, the word rabbit in dutch 'Konijn' is quite a tricky word to say at the best of times and if you say it wrong it sounds a bit like the word for king 'koning'. So this poor girl was looking at us a bit frightened when we plowed in the back door excitedly shouting "black king black king" and pointing outside. We then started trying to say it properly and adding a 'tje' at the end to make it 'little black rabbit', but without any context she just looked at us a bit scared. She is babysitting for us again, when we go out with a different group of friends and we are expecting to be in a similar frame of mind when we get home, will try to keep it together then if we can.

[JamInMyWellies]

hola! back later

[Mckayz]

Hello!

DD has a cold, so we were up most of the night. I'm shattered.

[Honsandrevels]

Thanks for the new thread vag.

DD2 has a sickness bug. Her bed sheets, our bed sheets, several changes of clothes and fleece blankets already vommed on. Fun times!

[Indith]

Hello LadyT, lovely to hear from you again. I'm sorry things are so shit. Hope your trip gives you some breathing space. Lovely city. Take me with you? We could go visit my lovely dear friend, eat chocolate and churros in the day and get quietly pissed in the evenings .

Jammy glad the boobs are feeling better. You'll be out of those foggy early weeks soon. Don't worry too much about supply, it won't vanish overnight like that. SO long as you are feeding on demand you'll be fine. TBH I reckon boobs get better at the feeding thing the more children you have. This is completely unscientific but I def found that my supply adjusted much faster with numbers 2 and 3 than with number 1 and with number 3 soft boobs was fairly normal. Hope weight gain goes well. Remember to look at the baby not the numbers though. Yes, he lost a bit and of course that is something to keep an eye on but if feeding is now going well weight gain will be the LAST sign of improvement, look at him, how content he is after feeds and his nappies before you worry about the numbers. That last bit is scientific and evidence based .

Urgh Kayz, colds are evil.

Hello everyone else. I have a cold and a headache and I can't remember too much of what was on the last thread. Sorry .

Thanks for the kind words. Mum is doing ok though tends to dissolve into tears whenever we say anything nice. Op soon, fingers crossed they don't find anything unexpected. Dad spoke to a good friend who happens to be a specialist in the area as he had been considering seeing about getting it done sooner privately but has been reassured about timescales etc which is definitely reassuring for all of us.

We've decided we are taking ds2 to my friend's wedding and will leave the big ones with my parents who will have my sister around to help out. By the time of the wedding mum will be pretty mobile, it was just lifting ds2 and his terrible nights we were worried about. Mum and dad both insisting we sort out a weekend where we leave all 3 of them once she is fully recovered. I think dh and I do need it. Feels very selfish when I consider teh reasons for cancelling but this has been a long, tough year for dh and I and there are another 2 to go. We had both been pinning a lot on that weekend away together.

Ds2 settled himself to sleep 2 nights in a row! He slept better during those nights too! Then he got dropped by the childminder the CM fell over while holding him and he hit the ground from adult height so had to go to A&E to have his head checked (he is fine, god knows how) which was around bedtime so was late to bed and had a headache so it has completely disrupted everything yet again. Argh! That child attracts trouble I'm sure of it. He got bitten by the CM's cat the other day because he tried to hand a Christmas tree decoration on its tail. Don't think he'll do that again. He has a very good collection of phrases about bumped heads and cats that bite.

Must go finish essay and work on evidence file. Am in full on manic til March mode. Dh has decided to help out by booking his vasectomy for the weekend before my final assessment of placement when 1) I don't have the off duty for then yet so could be working and 2) I'f I'm not working on shift then I will be hiding up here trying to finalise everything. But apparently I am supposed to give him a weekend of bed rest . He has been told to rebook it for some point during the 3 weeks in March that I am on holiday.

[Vagolajahooli]

Crikey Indith what is going on with your CM? I think she needs to give you a couple of weeks free. Sorry you can't get away without DS2 but I know you worry about how your mum would cope. Would it be possible to double make the bed he uses and not lift him, just let him wet and then your parents can just throw the top layer in the wash?

My whole unit has been given an extension because we still haven't received the results from our first assessment which was handed in at the end of November. So I now have an extra 10 days to finish it awesome. So instead of using the extra time to do a better assignment I've clocked off today.

[Indith]

Hurrah for the extra days! Mine due tomorrow. Arse. in. gear. must. get.

CM is fine, she is lovely and the dcs are well cared for. She just tripped heading out of the door to do the school run and my ds2 was in her arms. She put her hands out so she stopped herself from landing on top of him but his head got a good crack on the pavement and we were not sure if she stopped herself falling and then he hit the pavement or if he hit the pavement and she just stopped herself landing on him. Anyway, he is fine. I don't mind the cat either, the cat is long suffering with all the children around. He is poked and prodded and doesn't mind at all, he just drew a line at having his tail decorated.

I think ds2 is just being, well, nearly 2. He is at that covered in bruises stage. He is a very good little drama queen. After the cat incident the next day he gave some excellent fake screams and yells of "Ouch! Cat bite! Ouch!" all the while with a grin on his face.

I wish I were talking about lifting for a wee Vag! I mean lifting him to carry him and walk up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down while he yells and refuses/can't get back to sleep. That's the part mum won't be able to manage! Nor will my dad (a fair bit older than my mum).

[Honsandrevels]

It is a shame you can't have a weekend away yet Indith. Glad treatment is fairly fast for your mum.

what your assignment topic Vag?

dd2 now asleep after having been sick on most surfaces. She was sick in our bed last night but I didn't notice till this morning.

[Indith]

Ah those happy sick bug days where they have vommed so much the whole place stinks so you don't even realise you've missed a patch. Hope you are vomit free soon.

[sybilfaulty]

Thanks for the thread, Vag.

Will read properly later. Hope you are as ok as you can be in such dreadful circumstances, Lady. Love to you.

[DeidreBarlow]

Thanks got the thread vag.

Lady I'm sorry everything is still totally crap. If phooey your trip away can help you to clear your head a little x

Blimey Indith thinks are a bit busy for you over the next few months. I was here feeling sorry for myself because Thursdays are hectic.

Need to read back a bit but love to all, especially those of you with dickies!!

[DeidreBarlow]

Ha ha *sickies, but love to all with dickies too

[Vagolajahooli]

Haha I have two dickies Deids, oh if you count DH then I have 3! I am still quite proud of the fact that I have personally grown two dickies in my time. I take no responsibility for the growth of DHs

Hons I have lost all motivation this semester, I have to write a research proposal for this assignment and was going to look at the stats on child development diagnosis compared with a country's 0-5 child monitoring systems as I mentioned a while back. But I've decided to go simple and just do a qualitative, narrative inquiry (or enquiry depending on which author I'm reading) method of research into parents experiences of stress and it's relation to health services after the diagnosis of their child with complex health needs. Obviously I'm going to have to work hard on sorting out a briefer more specific title.

Oh I see Indith. Yeah that is a bummer.

Sorry about all the vomits going on.

Right I need to at least log into my uni website.

[Honsandrevels]

Ooh that's interesting Vag. I did some of my phd on parental coping after birth/diagnosis of learning disabilities. Nothing about health services though. My participants didn't have complex needs so their main source of stress was trying to access social services and respite.

[Vagolajahooli]

I'd be interested in reading that one day Hons. I have a theory that if health had a different way of working with parents immediately after diagnosis we could reduce a huge amount of the stress which leads to the increased mental health, physical ill health and relationship risk levels that families with children with complex health needs suffer. I would like to carry out a study where families are ask to tell their stories. I think we could find themes and issues and practice could be changed to improve how we interact and carry out health interventions with these families. In the end it comes down to money. The longer we keep these families healthy strong the longer they can care for the effected child. Anyway, for now it is just for this assignment.

[Honsandrevels]

You should do it as a phd vag!

[Vagolajahooli]

Yeah maybe when I finish this masters. I'll see where I'm at work wise.

[beans37]

just adding this onto my threads. back on properly later xx

[Mckayz]

I think the bloody mice are back. Shit fuck and bollocks. I feel sick.

[JamInMyWellies]

Hurrah. Been discharged. 7.5oz weight gain since last wk.

[sybilfaulty]

Wow. Well done Jammy. That's great going.

So tired today. Early bed beckons I think. Proper catch up tomorrow.

[JumpJockey]

Hello all, sorry for extended absence, have been trying to keep up with you all on FB... I have a sensitive situation and would appreciate throwing it into the basket.

The mum of a lovely pair of twins in Sarah's classs had cancer, and was nearly clear. She's recently discovered that it's back and terminal. Se writes this wonderful blog kateelizabethgross.wordpress.com/ and her mum put a comment saying they would like to hear stories from people who grew up without mums, and weren't completely fucked up by it. I will do this, and if any of you who this applies to feel able to share, she would really appreciate it. i wish there weren't so may of us who can relate to this. Not even going to do a sad face as it doesn't express anything near to how much I wish none of us knew how tragic and unfair this situation is.

The dilemma is this. I'm wondering whether to say to her/write a letter saying "these are the things I wish my mum had been able to do" (if she'd not just died out of the blue) eg make videos, write letters with her dreams for the boys, stories of her childhood, things that their dad won't be able to tell them because he just doesn't know. But how do you say this, without it being horribly insentsitive? "If you insist on dying and leaving your boys without a mum, here's how to make it less bad"? One of my friends has known her from baby group days, and thinks it might help as she doesn't know anyone else who lost a parent at the same age the boys now are.

I just don't know how to approach her with this, or if it would help, or if it's even a good idea. Any thoughts from you, lovely ladies?

[Mckayz]

That's great Jam.

Jump, I can't help but that's so terribly sad. I think the videos and letters are a good idea.

[Indith]

That's great jammy.

jump that's so very sad. puts my worry about mum into perspective rather! I think it is a lovely idea to offer her those insights. I would have thought she'd appreciate it.

[JamInMyWellies]

Jump I nannied for two lovely boys whose mum died of bowel cancer. She was given the all clear while I worked for them then 18mths after I left was terminal.

She made memory books for the boys with masses of photos of her, her DH and me lots if family pics just lots of photos with the stories behind the photos.

Also there is a fantastic charity called Winston's Wish which deals specifically with children who have have lost or are in the process of losing a parent. I thoroughly recommend them.

Such a hard time. But in my experience honesty is the best thing when this happens and be truthful it is amazing how much children understand.