First time posting here.. Hope I will get some answers and reassurance as I feel I'm going completely crazy. Also - TMI warning (sorry in advance)..
I gave birth almost five months ago, to a lovely little boy. I'm 38 and its my first (and the last) baby. The birth was horrendous, long and painful, and ended up with forceps in the theater. I had a third degree tear but at the time wasn't too bothered as was too happy...
First time I noticed something was wrong when I was washing myself about six weeks after giving birth. My vagina felt HUGE and there was a lot of stuff down there that wasn't there before... I went to see my GP, I've seen a few midwifes and a specialist - all said there is "nothing wrong" with me - that all the damage I have down there is something to be expected (one of the doctors even said "well, you're not 25 anymore!")... and reassured me that, given enough time and Kegels, all will be back to normal.
Now, five month on, its still the same. I have a prolapse which feels like I have something stuck inside me, my vaginal opening is about three times its normal size (basically it extends from the front all the way to my bum), it has a lot of stuff sticking out of it, and there are "skin tags" near my bum which are as ugly as hell. Insides of my vagina stick to my underpants, and I have to use baby wipes every time I go to the toilet. Worse of all - I can't have sex as I can't feel anything and I'm too embarrassed of my partner (who said that I look fine down there and haven't touched me since)...We tried to have sex two times after I gave birth (I was drunk and brave) and it felt like nothing. My partner could not come, we stopped and I felt completely humiliated. Hard to think that before I got pregnant (and even during my pregnancy) we had fun and fulfilling sex life.
I feel totally frustrated as everyone seem to tell me that my problem is "cosmetic"; the specialist I've seen told me to do Kegels and sent me to the physiotherapist who also told me to do Kegels. Though my physio did say the damage I sustain can not be repaired with Kegels, no one is offering me anything else.
I really struggle to accept all this. That I will never go back to normal and this is, well, my new normal. I read about women who had several kids and who say they did not suffer any damage down there and I feel like screaming. I'm not even 40 yet and I feel like I will never have sex again, my partner tells me its ok but he wont touch me, my relationship is getting ruined, I'm stressed and hating myself - and I know why. Please help.
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Please help! Too embarrased to talk to anyone and feel like I'm going mad.
23 replies
Bubblyb00b · 13/08/2013 13:54
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