Not coping well in the Church.

[Etah]

Hi.
I was raised in a catholic country and albeit my people in family are not church goers, I was raised with Christian beliefs and since very little was very spiritual. From teens to adulthood I have been exploring many kinds of spiritual paths trying to figure out which one works best for me.
Finally I settled with one CofE and I really like it and enjoy going there every sunday. DD always clicked instantly which makes everything so easy.
Problem is: I am awfully shy and I think I have low self esteem and problems with confidence (which I am trying to work on - baby steps)...anyway, I really struggle to be a "member" of the church in the sense of taking a more active role or even just chatting and having a cue of tea at the end. I am terrified at people coming to talk to me and feel very uncomfortable when it goes beyond "help and how are you".

At the beginning was fine, as I needed to introduce myself and get to know people but now, I feel really silly when I have to talk to someone. It seems that I have nothing worthwhile to say and I fear I will always come up talking rubbish...I am also very self conscious of my accent and non native English which makes things worse.

They are a bunch of lovely people and I know they are not judging me but I feel so rude and ill mannered not making an effort to be more "out there", I really hope they understand I am very introspective and shy...
Sometimes after the service I just want to be on my seat reflecting and waiting for my child to come from her group, but someone always come and talk to me perhaps thinking I am lonely when everything I wanted to be is invisible.

I tried to come to one of the growth groups and it was helping but now I don't have the time anymore ;(
There will be a big gathering in a location away for two days and it sounds so awesome, I would love to go but I just don't want to be there cringing with myself and pretending to be I am something I am not...
Aaaargh!

[gingerdodger]

You sound lovely. Don't pretend to be something you are not (and those that don't aren't worth knowing), people will accept you for who you are. Nothing wrong with being the quiet one in the group, we all love a good listener. Take your time and grow in confidence but above all, be your self.

[Etah]

Thanks ginger
Let me just make some correction so I feel better with myself:

_cup of tea
_hello and how are you

[gingerdodger]

And I need to make a correction too.

It should have

Don't pretend to be something that you are not. People will accept you for who you are and those that don't aren't worth knowing.

Way above implies you aren't worth knowing if you are not yourself! Which is not true at all although I suppose people can only truly get to know you when you are yourself.

[vdbfamily]

Go to the days away.It will be a great opportunity to get closer to some other church members but there is usually plenty of time at church weekends away for quiet reflection. Just be yourself and get to know a few people better and things will get easier.

[Primaryteach87]

Can I suggest you do something really brave? A newish person told me something similar recently, because I knew she was feeling shy I make much more of an effort to walk into the hall with her, introduce her to people with similar interests etc. Is there anyone you could tell? The lady I'm thinking of is lovely and I would never have guessed she was feeling shy.