I cannot cope with my Mothers faith anymore, am i not respecting it enough?

[fairyfly]

I think she has become obsessive and using it as escapism but worry that maybe i just don't understand the beauty of blind faith.

I'm finding it more and more draining everytime i see her and the intensity in which she believes. Without fail every conversation will lead to Gods love.

If anyone in her life has a practical problem the solution is always to pray to Our Lady as she will make everything alright. It seems she cannot handle dealing with real life issues so in my opinion uses it as an easy way out. My siblings have needed her help lately and her conclusion is that she will do nothing but ask the lord to take care of it.

For every moment of her waking day she has the God channel on tv, this fills her time in between going to church or sitting in the prayer room she has made.

I catch her crying and when i ask her what is wrong she says she just wants to go back to her maker and can't wait to die. Life seems to pass her by while she fantasises about meeting the love of her life.

Without fail she will constantly judge others and presume they don't have any morals because we are all in awe of the Devil in this day and age.

Daily i will be reminded that i am worshiping the devil as i have sex before marriage and i have to wait for whats coming to me.

She reads books about purgatory and explains how i have to be so careful as does everyone else because God is coming and he will punish.

Fear seems to drive a lot of her thought process and she excels at trying to put the fear into others. I have been told on numerous occasions the end of the world is coming and the signs will be in the sky. Any natural disaster is down to the fact people like me have sex and God is weeping.

I understand that everyone is entititled to their beliefs but am sick to death of her intensity. You cant make a cup of tea without being reminded that our lord was nailed to the cross. It depresses me.
When she meets people i know she will mention God. For instance she told my boyfriend how disgusting it was he didn't pray. For all she knows he could.

My children after being in her company have been filled with prayers and hymns, they are her new little project as everyone else is tired of it.

I just dont want to be in her company anymore, if i sit with her and i say do we have to watch the God chanel she will repkly we could watch St. Theresa or a St. Francis of Assissi film, If i say no i will yet again get another lecture about me really having to start embracing my faith.

I think she is loosing her mind but then i feel bad as perhaps she has just been given a gift of a very strong faith.

( a racist homophobic faith)

I just needed to offload all that as i have just left her house and been told yet again the devil is taking over me as i asked her not to let my son wee in a jug he could use the toilet.

[Beauregard]

sorry but she sounds a bit unwell and obsessed to me,my om is a very devout catholic and i am a really bad catholic bordering on spiritulist but she would never behave like that.

[giraffeski]

Message withdrawn

[Beauregard]

that should read mom

[fairyfly]

I needed clarification it wasn't normal, it confuses me as if i question anything about it i'm made to feel it's because i don't have any faith.

She wanted him to use a jug so he could carry on playing. I politely asked her not to do that as it is not something i want him getting used to at home.
I was chucked out of her house though for answering back. You cannot go against her rules, she is an incredible control freak. Perhaps the religion thing helps her with it.

[Beauregard]

what do the rest of your family think of her behaviour?

[giraffeski]

Message withdrawn

[fairyfly]

My father just does as he is told and tries his best to make sure he does nothing to rock the balance.

My youngest brothers indulge her and seem to be constantly striving for her aproval, my sister and i are the only ones who think she is insane but we just don't no how to confront it.

It is a difficult situation as she will just turn it round to you. I asked her a couple of months ago if she had thought about seeing the doctor as she seemed so sad.I was told i had to stop taking my own godless life out on her and it was me who needed help from church.

I just leave it then.

[anorak]

This sounds like a complete nightmare for you and the rest of your family. I'm very anti-religion, I believe that most religion is structured to control public behaviour historically, and the basis on fear, guilt and punishment achieves that aim with great efficiency. Is it any surprise that it drives people insane? Your mother sounds very ill.

People with the strongest faith normally have a quiet gentleness about them that she doesn't seem to display, they are not controlling but very accepting of others. Do you know anyone like this? A priest or someone else from church that she would respect, who has that quiet strength in their spirituality? Could you get someone like this to counsel her? She needs treatment, I feel sure. She's living in a fantasy world and not dealing with the real one. She sounds horrendously unhappy.

I do think you are respecting her faith as much as you can, but how can you stretch that respect to cover her extreme and stifling version of Christianity? I don't think it's actually possible. Don't ask more of yourself, you're already accommodating her to a huge degree and think you're managing with great tact and patience just to be able to maintain a relationship with her at all.

[Beauregard]

It is an awful prediciment to be in,could you talk to the parish priest just to gauge his opinion?and advise?

[Mercy]

Fairyfly, has she always been like this or is it a more recent development? Either way round it doesn't sound at all right.

Agree with others re speaking to the parish priest - and probably ask your GP for advice too.

[fairyfly]

I don't know what to rely but didn't want to ignore your posts, i've totally screwed my head up talking about this.

[YellowFeathers]

Gosh Fairyfly

I think the others suggestion of talking to the local preist is a very good idea. He/she may go and visit your mum and could possibly help you if your finding it hard to deal with.

[jampots]

i agree you should talk to her Parish Priest. Our PP didnt bat an eyelid when we went to see about getting married with 2 children in tow. I guess in the pecking order he has more right to lecture than your mum for instance.

Hope you can solve this FF

[KTeePee]

Even though I grew up in a time/place where most adults (outwardly at least) were firm believers, I have to say that your mother does seem to have become very extreme in her beliefs/behaviour. I think it is very likely there is some underlying unhapiness that is causing her to act in this way. I agree that maybe talking to a priest would be a good move. (Is she a member of a particular church btw?) Most (Catholic) priests I have come across in recent years would not condone her extreme beliefs and would probably counsel her to be less judgmental. There is a strong movement to encourage people to act in a way that is actually "Christian" and being caring and understanding rather than following rules blindly and judging others.

[SSSandy]

Phew! This is a toughie.

Sounds like she has had some kind of awakening experience which has made her faith more vivid and intense and she is throwing herself into it wholeheartedly. You can't effectively interfere with that. Imagine if it were you and your deeply held beliefs and someone else told you that you needed to see a counsellor. How would you react? Don't think that will work. What can the parish priest do really?

Think you have to leave her to work it out for herself and maybe her behaviour will change again with time. How long has it been like this?

Think you have to find some way of not letting it get to you if you can. Although I don't have any bright ideas about how to do this really. Can you go for walks instead of hanging around at home watching religious films?

[fairyfly]

I really just don't believe any faith should be built on being judgemental. Surely that is the problem with the world at the moment. Why does it have to strive on fear? That isn't some wonderful awakening experience, how can it be. It causes harm and upset.

I've just sppoke to my mum and she has asked me not to get in touch again, which proves to me she is loosing the plot. I donn't want to get into the conversation but i really am walking on egg shells around her.

I really do believe she is going to alienate everybody but feel fine about it as she can spend more time on prayer.

This is making me loose all my faith, completely, i just don't understand any of it. i will talk to my priest about what i should do. My mother doesn't like him, he's not strong enough apparently.

I go to church occasionally but the more she tells me about the world and why we should believe the more i think it is utter bollocks. I am sick do death of people who do things to get to heaven. Do it because you're a good person. End of.

I'm finding her religion incredibly self absorbed.

[Carmenere]

I'm sorry to be blunt but your mums behaviour has nothing to do with faith and a lot to do with mental imbalance. Be paitent and try to get her some help and if I were you I wouldnt bother to try to 'understand' her faith anymore. You are right true faith isn't judgemental. You have my sympathy as this must be grim.

[fairyfly]

I do think she has some mental health issues but that actually really upsets me. You can tell she has by her take on people and life. I think that is why i leave her to her obssesive beliefs as they make her happy to some extent.

I want more than anything for her to stop wishing her life away and enjoy what she has.

I cannot confront her with it though but also i don't want to see her this erratic anymore.

[fairyfly]

She is refusing to talk to me since i tried to confront her. She says i can learn to live without her and my children aren't welcome with her as i am so ungrateful and need to learn what it's like to be alone ( errr think i've learnt that lesson).

Buggered up my entire summer not having a babysitter, i'm soooooooo pissed off.

[SSSandy]

Wonder if she could be gently moved in the direction of becoming involved in caritative work, to give meaning to her life now, putting her faith into action kind of thing?

[anorak]

Is there no one at all that she will listen to? Will your dad or brother babysit for you?

Surely there is someone in your mum's life to whom she will listen, if not then it's even more indicative that she is mentally ill, sadly.

[fairyfly]

Ssandy, she joined a caring for carers group, they used crystals and she stormed out upset. Things like that constantly happen.

No anorak, this has been going on for such a long time, she wont listen to anyone. eople are afraid to confront her as she is so extreme. I wish i hadn't because it's not worth it tbh.

[SSSandy]

Don't want to worry you but she couldn't be terminally ill, could she?

[anorak]

I think all you can do is leave her alone. Surely after a while she will approach you?

Sadly I think she is not going to change unless she has professional help.

[fairyfly]

No i don't think she is terminally ill.


I am going to leave her to it, last time she didn't speak to me for 6 months. It's such a waste.