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Father in law trying to boss us around about dog

36 replies

apaylor2009 · 30/04/2014 23:56

My father in law had been taking care of our dog because we moved and our landlord wouldn't let us have him there. He had him for about 10 months. During this time he took care of him and took him to the vet. He is a very lonely man with no woman and likes to go to the legion and drink his guts out and drunk text and asks his daughter to get him cause he's shit faced. Sorry for the language. He treated our dog like a king and like he was his baby. Which is fine, but he is a train engineer and is gone for 2 or 3 days at a time. So we would watch him while he was gone at work. He'd come and pick him up after he was home. The problem we are having is now we bought a house and we have him back. We keep him in the cage while we are at work 8 hrs and come home on lunch and let him out. He has access to food and water. We leave him out while we are home and sleeping but keep the bedroom door shut cause he will pee on stuff or get into trash. ( we had him house trained but my FIL would leave him out and let him pee in his house while away) he complains all the time how worried he is cause he has to be in the cage. During a phone conversation with my husband he brings it up maybe 2 times. He asks about the dog before he does his granddaughter. It's frustrating because he doesn't listen. I don't know how much more of his ignorance I can take and I don't know what else to say. I would tell him if he wants him that bad to tell us how to take care of him he could keep him. But he doesn't have the time to. What to do, what to do?

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LaurieFairyCake · 01/05/2014 00:00

I know that some people think that crating is preferable for the dog but I think that 8 hours a day is too long

I don't think you're FIL should have him - leaving him in the house for extended stretches so he has to pee on the floor is awful

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apaylor2009 · 01/05/2014 00:03

He's let out to go to the bathroom after 4 hours for about 15 minutes then back in for 4 hours. He seems fine and doesn't fuss when he's in there. Idk what else to do. Get a dog sitter? Lol crating is free and dog sitters aren't.

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ForeskinHyena · 01/05/2014 00:04

Dog share? Your fil has him when he's home, you have him while fil is away.

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justmuddlingalong · 01/05/2014 00:06

'Lol crating is free and dog sitters aren't.' Poor dog.

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expatinscotland · 01/05/2014 00:09

You will get flamed for crating. It's very frowned upon in the UK.

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apaylor2009 · 01/05/2014 00:12

"Lol" I know people who dog crate. Their dogs aren't dead either. I didn't ask anyone to mock my decisions. If you don't like it don't comment. Two working parents with a little one can't afford a dog sitter. He gets vet care and food and water and is outdoors with us when we are home. If I could tell he was miserable I would change my choice but he's not

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tabulahrasa · 01/05/2014 00:24

Is he crated overnight as well?

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apaylor2009 · 01/05/2014 00:26

No. He sleeps in our room with us in the bed.

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Ohbyethen · 01/05/2014 00:30

It's not crating that's the issue, it's being crated for 8 hours with one pee break at the halfway stage.

You can't talk about the ignorance of your fil. You say he doesn't have time for the dog - nor do you. If you can't pay for a dog walker (even a friendly teen) then you can't afford him either.

What to do? Well your Fil seemed to be a good enough home when you needed it. What's changed?

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tabulahrasa · 01/05/2014 00:38

If those two 4 hour blocks are all he's crated for and he's well exercised otherwise then the issue is your FIL... It's less than dogs that are crated overnight are in there for.

Could you print off articles from the internet about crating and then just tell him that's why he's crated, we're not discussing it anymore and then don't. If you just refuse to discuss it he's got to give up eventually.

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festered · 01/05/2014 00:49

I agree with Ohbyethen . 100%
I agree with crating to train dogs. To a certain extent. But that's it.

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apaylor2009 · 01/05/2014 00:55

We just moved to a new house and as far as I know only old people live around us. At work we get one 30 minute break, if we had more he wouldn't be in there that long without a break. Fils schedule varies all the time works days sometimes and nights sometimes and is gone for two or three days at other times. So to me I'd rather have some system in my home. he will have to be in the crate days fil works in the mornings too, that wouldn't be any different than right now. If I had family members closer I would ask them to take him out and play with him while we aren't home. :( I feel bad about it but there is no other choice but to find another home for him which fil would have a fricking cow about. We will have to have a sit down and see what to do.

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Saymwa · 01/05/2014 00:59

Hello,
I have:

  1. a dog
  2. a crate
  3. a full time job
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Saymwa · 01/05/2014 01:03

( Oops - last message went off too soon ).

I don't leave my dog in her crate for 8 hours. Why can't you let her / him out whilst you're at work ?

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Chumhum · 01/05/2014 01:03

Poor dog, 8 hours with a fifteen minute break is way too long.

What breed of dog? How often is he exercised off lead?

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apaylor2009 · 01/05/2014 01:06

If he wouldn't pee in the house I would let him run around. But now I need to house break him again cause fil didn't care to keep him house trained.

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avianaz · 01/05/2014 01:07

Owning a pet isn't a right.

It's sheer cruelty keeping something in a box for such a long time. Alone too, jesus.

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apaylor2009 · 01/05/2014 01:08

He isn't on a leash when he goes out or around the house. He is free other than the cage while we are at work.

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avianaz · 01/05/2014 01:09

Sorry, just seen your latest posts :(

It's sounds like an awful situation... how about fostering him out to someone? You could have a look in a dog forum or something, surely someone close to you would be happy to look after him until things are better?

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apaylor2009 · 01/05/2014 01:11

He is a Pomeranian. 6 years old.

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apaylor2009 · 01/05/2014 01:12

When we go out after work he goes with us too.

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BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 01/05/2014 01:16

In my opinion dogs shouldn't be left on their own for hours on end and that's why they're not a suitable pet for people who work full-time. They're pack animals and need company either of their own kind or the human sort. Crating a dog for eight whole hours is terribly cruel: it would be better off outside in the garden if it's to be left alone all day.

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TequilaMockingbirdy · 01/05/2014 01:17

Crating for 8 hours is far too long. Why on earth have you had to dog back if you're sticking it in a cage for the majority of the day? I would be worried too if I was your FIL.

And the line about crating being free and dog sitters not? I don't find that funny when it's about the welfare of an animal. He may look fine, but it's not doing him any good mentally.

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Ohbyethen · 01/05/2014 01:20

It's as likely to be the upheaval that's caused him to regress with toileting in the house. Inappropriate soiling in a house trained dog is often a symptom of stress or illness.

Can Fil afford to have the dog looked after properly when he's working?
If he cares about the dog as much as he seems to then I'm sure his welfare would be a priority. If Fil wants the dog back then discuss it with him and let him provide a solution.
Or you really look into day time care for your dog and get costs & look at your budget.
Or 'elderly people' not quite sure what to say to that. You should be providing all his exercise so I don't see why an elderly person couldn't provide company - if they were willing and you could come to some arrangement.
Or you do rehome him appropriately to someone that does have time for him.

If you can't home him with Fil and you don't want to rehome him (although that seems less about the dog and more about your Fil) then getting friendly with the neighbours, registering with borrow my dog or looking at a dog walker is what you're left with.

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nooka · 01/05/2014 01:45

It sounds totally grim. I'm not surprised that the situation distresses your FIL. He obviously bonded with your dog while you couldn't look after him. The ignorance in this case is not his. It's not recommended to leave a dog on his/her own for so long let alone confined in a cage. The first step has to be to sort out the issue with messing in the house so at least he has some freedom of movement and then you have to figure out some way to give him more company during the day. I don't like crating at all although I know it can be a very effective training aide for puppies I don't know anyone who uses it in this way for prolonged periods of time.

Sure you are not killing your dog, but you are also not providing him with a good quality of life either which to me is a requirement of any pet owner.

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