My dds DT teacher wrote for her target that " Dd will try to arrive on time for lessons".
After asking her what the teacher meant exactly, she replied that since she has compiled this section of the report herself, she had picked it from a set list as it was the shortest and therefore the easiest to type!!!!!

Snorks, I love that one.

As a boy, my DH was greatly encouraged by the following comment on his school report: "X sets himself extremely low standards and consistently fails to achieve them."

My boss writes frequently about the "Role Book" ie attendance book. I have bitten my lip hard I can tell ya. It is "Roll Book" people innit?
Reminds me of new colleague who sent his first mass email advising that there would be interruptions to email and internet and apologising for any incontinence as a result. Spellcheck damn you!

One from my youth 'PomsMum's tennis has improved significantly this term - I have even seen her hit the ball once'. Those were the days....

For literacy we once had..
"Joshua concentrates for long periods on the task at hand"

His name is Joseph and he has a very short attention span unless it's science,geography or history.

"E** is very confident at telling time to half past, O'clock and is beginning to tell time in quarter to and quarter pas. She must now try to check her work for mistakes......" - hmm pot kettle black?

DS1's pre-school report: "He is more shaw of himself now" .

I purchased a book some years ago of famous people's school reports. My favourite was, I think, Richard Briers (although I could be doing him a disservice if it was somebody else completely) whose head teacher wrote: 'Briers is under the impression that he runs this school. If this situation persists one of us will have to leave'

My niece got a particularly crap English report once (undiagnosed dyslexia as it turned out) on which her mother had posted the comment 'Spooling is a problem'.

Smartiejake - I was wondering just the other day how the festival had gone. I'm so glad it went well. Thanks for letting me know.

Samson - feel free to use it! I was rather pleased with it myself. I suspect the irony might be lost on the parent concerned, but I felt better for having written it!

Crotchetdiva thank you!