Getting over not getting invited

[krabbiepatty]

Tragically this is about me. In a great fiesta of school birthday parties, there is one coming up DS1 is not invited to. It is a boy in the other reception class but several of DS1's close friends from his class are going and it's after school when they all usually go to the plauyground so he will pick up that it's happening. I want to deal with it in the way that's best for Ds1 when he realises it's happening btu find myself feeling bizarrely tearful when I think about it. I know this is bonkers. What is the best thing to do vis-a-vis DS1? thanks

[expatinscotland]

Plan a day out on the day of the party.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Plan something else to do that day, a playdate with someone else, so you're rushing off?

How old is DS1? I'd be clear about it happening, anyway.

[krabbiepatty]

5, you are right, we should have something else nice to do and rush off to it, NQC. I think my brain has been a bit fuzzed by projecting some barely-remembered birthday party trauma onto the poor boy. Must make sure to invite everyone in the world to all of the children's parties...

[Sugarpop]

Beware that your emotions about this don't rub off on him. This will happpen again and again its part of life! There are limits on who can and can't be invited to parties and the sooner your ds learns this the easier it will be! Good luck.

[NotQuiteCockney]

It's a good idea to be clear about it all, too. We had this (sorta) recently, when DS1's arch-nemesis had his party after school, and didn't invite DS1. (I don't think we had invited said arch-nemesis to DS1's birthday party, back in September, but we'd really just invited kids we knew. I probably would have invited the nemesis, if DS1 were having a party today, but whatever.)

I just said, well, there's only room for so many people at a party, and not everyone can go. It's inevitable, best to get used to it.

[Marina]

Definitely aim to do something way better than the party in question.
Sushi on a conveyor belt? "Over the Hedge"?
Have you had that baby yet Krabbie?

[krabbiepatty]

Ah so much wisdom, thank you all - yes, I must not project own traumas on poor mite and must be clear because this is going to happen loads of times. Sushi on a conveyor belt is a fabulous idea - maybe I could take us all all into town and go to yo sushi, alternatively Canary Wharf Waitrose! Marina, that baby is 3 months - she is a very nice and fat gingery girl but I haven't been posting all that much due to her voracious appetites and, ahem lack of routine. Could partly explain irrational teariness about kids' parties...

[Sugarpop]

I'd disagree on that one, you are setting a dangerous precident.If every time a party happens that he's not invited to you have to treat them? My ds had to suffer a very hurtful comment from a kid not invited to his party, was told he had better things to do! Had seen the film and the restaurant was rubbish anyway!!!!

[Marina]

congratulations - how on earth did I miss the birth announcement! ginger is good. Take it all was well on the amniotic fluid front then
Ds loves sushi on conveyor belts and it has that special occasion feel to it that is called for. Hope you have a great time.

[Marina]

Ds had the same from a child who WAS invited to his party, sugarpop. Sometimes children are just mean-spirited. So you don't ever treat yourself when someone has snubbed you then?

[SSSandy]

Ooh I feel for you. I hate those kinds of situations. Definitely go off and do something nice.

[krabbiepatty]

Oh I am a total failure on annoucement front - too tired to type and also had a "what if I threw a birth announcement and nobody came "moment". i was thrilled with ginger, it was my sad childhood dream to have red hair. amniotic fluid was fine thanks although there is a silly "obstetric cholestasis or was it?" story with disagreeing drs which never made it to MN...
I know waht you mean Sugarpop, but the kids have had a lot of change / stress lately and think another day might be the time to get used to nto having a treat just because someone else is having a party.

[Sugarpop]

No probs! Just make it a day out for days outs sake not because of a missed party invite! Deal with the party issue another day and have fun!

[Scumster]

Oh krabbie- it can be galling, can't it? I felt obscurely hurt recently when neither of my sons got an invitation from a kid who has been to all their parties to date, even though I knew I was being a bit silly. Your son may surprise you in his reaction though. That time neither of my sons seemed to mind at all.

And actually I have hilarious memories of one son's first obvious party snub last year. It was a little girl named Joy's big day and she invited more or less the whole of her class apart from my boy and one other. My son was clearly quite hurt by this and, instead of admitting this, embarked on a quite remarkably bitter rant for one of his tender years (6). Something along the lines of "Oh, Joy's having a party is she?" (said with a failed attempt at nonchalance through gritted teeth) "Well, I'm glad I'm not invited because I wouldn't attend if you paid me infinity dollars." And, finally. "Joy? Why is she called that anyway? I've never noticed any joy in her." Partner and I tried to intervene to do all the "not everyone can be invited, darling" and "she's a nice girl but you're not really good friends and you didn't invite her to your party did you?" stuff (all true btw) but we became quite choked with laughter at the "no joy in her" comment and actually that seemed to help him get over it more than anything else.

I think organising an alternative treat to distract him is a great idea, if only to make you feel better about things.