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really have had enough, can't do this for much longer

(23 Posts)

By Sat 07-Nov-09 12:20:01 Add message | Report | Contact poster

I just need a rant

Am on my own with 3 dcs (5.8, 2.8, 10 months) as dh is military and posted overseas atm. I am effectively a single parent and am finding it increasingly monotonous, frustrating, dull, furious...you get the idea.

I dread the weekends because I know it'll just be me and the dc's all the time. At least during the week ds1 is at school and dd at nursery in the afternoons. But I'm never, ever just my myself. Always have ds2 with me - although he is the easiest, I suppose.

This morning has been horrible - I get up trying to be cheerful and positive and really make an effort, I make them all pancakes, let them watch cartoons...then when I turn around the house is a complete tip (again) - I'm constantly cleaning, tidying, doing fucking laundry, wiping noses and arses...then telling them to help tidy up and being ignored, having ds2 clinging onto my legs, listening to moaning, crying, tantrums, fighting, screaming....

I feel like running away. The last hour has had me trying to hide in my bedroom, crying my eyes out, but they found me and all stood around me, on top of me, crying too and it was all a big awful mess. Im being a terrible mother and I can't see any way forward.

I'm sick of the rain, I can't take them out to play, and I'm not tacking a soft play on my own with them

I live near my parents and il's but they have their own lives and things to do, I can't ask for any more help than I already do. I honestly wish I could just pack a bag and go to a hotel for a few nights just to be on my own, to sleep, to read, to go to the loo without an audience. I'm fed up. Totally, utterly exhausted and fed up.

Is it too early for wine?
sad

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 23:16:41

Oh my goodness, I remember that feeling so well... the phrase
*'this too will pass'*
is so true. It honestly gets easier and this period of time will be a blur in a few years time.

I remember just crying my eyes out once because I couldn't even have a wee in peace and I JUST WANTED A WEE.

I am pregnant with my 4th but but my youngest is 6 and the oldest is 13. I find once the older ones get more of a social life yours gets better too.

I agree with the job thing actually. I started working part time when dc2 was 11 months and it was lovely to have a few hours away from children.
Childcare can be awkward though...

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 22:31:16

I know how you feel, that was me not so long ago, except that DH was around to help so I can't imagine how much worse it was for you.

Dare I suggest a job? Even if you only earn enough to cover childcare, it's time away from the chaos? I've just gone back to work and it's made such a huge difference. I get time to myself, and the house doesn't get nearly so messy when we're all out all day!

Good luck, SAHMing sucks sometimes!

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 22:19:10

Hey,

Where in Scotland are you? If its not far could I help in some way maybe?

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 21:50:40

Hi Pickabilly - you already sound more positive.
It's hard not to feel resentful and sometimes (well a lot of the time) the DHs just don't get it. They have some fab opportunities through the forces and often don't realise that as wives, we don't; we just have to put up with a lot of crap!

Oh well - you do sound a bit brighter, even after your DH ringing from NY.
Hope you have a relaxing time tomorrow if your mil has the kids.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 18:54:58

thanks again for all your messages, it has just been getting a bit much lately.

to top it off dh called from NY where he's off to see Springsteen at Madison Square Gardens toninght, how nice for him. Tough life, hey? Instead of feeling happy for him it just pisses me off that he's able to go off and do these things whenever he pleases while I'm stuck here having the week form hell. So when he realised that I was unwell and obviously a bit down, he made me put ds1 on for a chat then told him to tell me he'd call back later... angry

dick.

Anyway, the dc's are all in bed. We went to the park for a while and it was ok, i've just had a crap day. It's so hard deling with them when you're full of the cold. and they've all got the cold too so are whigy and moany and sooooooo irritating....

I don't have PND, and I've not even got PMT, I just feel like shit. I really appreciate being able to vent and let off steam on here, MN is truly a lifeline sometimes. You're all amazing.
smile

I've got a big glass of medicinal red wine, crappy Saturday Night telly and a healthy supply pizza and chocolate. Hopefully tomorrow MIL will be able to take them for a few hours to give me a break. And let me consider how best to deal with dh's cruddy attitude. hmm

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 18:21:24

i really feel for you, i go mad with just 2 children aged 3 and 1. My husband works very late hours but i do have the weekend with him but i completely can empathise, youre not alone! i think all the posters have given good advise..all my friends locally are through antenatal and mother n toddler groups. we meet up with the children but the children are busy playing so at least you can have some adult conversation..good luck and dont give up..im sure it will get easier.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 16:01:18

I was always ok in the evenings - tv/ironing/films/book club etc but yes the w/es are endlessly long if you haven't anything organised. If you're on a patch it's slightly easier though as you're all in the same boat and you can pop over and have tea parties with the kids etc but when you're in your own house, everything seems a lot more stressful and you feel a bit more vulnerable and alone I think.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 15:51:28

Absolutely lm, I just scoop up and lob anything toy-like into the nearest box and like I say, once there is too much to fit some goes off to the charity shop. DS helps most of the time but if it's bothering me more than him in it goes. Just about everything has a box come to think of it and every room has an open lid one definitely. The one in our room mostly has the baby toys in for when he's being changed or played with in relative peace. smile

I don't know about PND, I'd be unhappy thinking of a whole weekend ahead of me on my own with the kids, every weekend, with a without a scheduled activity or two. I wouldn't enjoy the evenings on my own either.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 15:42:10

Ooh - like the 'toy box in every room' thing.
I did wonder about the pnd thing Pickabilly. Your dd is still only 10 months old and it can still come on within the first year. That said, it might just be a build up of everything.
As I wrote, I did think you might be in Scotland - I'm in Cambs near Wittering and thought you might be there. Oh well - at least you have stunning countryside around you - lots of fresh air to tire out the kids and if they go to bed at 7, then you have your evenings to chill and do your own thing.
Hope you feel better soon. I know it's hard but it'll get easier as dd becomes more mobile and starts to interact more with DSs. smile

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 15:08:14

Toy box in every room, cull when overflowing. Have a two minute tidy up time every couple of hours followed by a dance. Preschool do this to the music of Mission Impossible.

Ask your family for help - especially to take the older two to the park at the weekend whilst you rest at home. Would one or both of the older ones go to a Sat morning cinema or soft play thing with their gps? This will be important in the winter as the weather gets worse. I think people prefer it if they get sole charge for an activity, otherwise I just find it's another set of people to entertain and no actual break for us.

Best of luck, you must be exhausted.

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really have had enough, can't do this for much longer