I do a 'red' wash load.

My husband wears lots of brightly coloured cheap t shirts he bought in african markets. I use so many colour catchers that I now spend more on them than I do on clothes.

As the fifth of six children (and the first girl) I can confirm that I had to eat fast if I wanted to eat at all.

Except when it came to Mother's Delicious Pressure-Cooked Stews (grey amorphous mass of yukkiness). Strangely no-one ever tried to grab that off me......

Of course, having 6 children means that there is no childhood-related difficulty that my mother didn't suffer and to a far greater degree than I ever could with my mere two.

(But she also suffers from competitive hard-done-by-childhood syndrome so I can't beat her there, either)

Ironing bibs. . I bet your face was a picture!

A woman heading for a fall, I think.

Thanks for the press clarification - have never heard that before. Learn something new every day

I was on a plane recently feeding DS and the woman beside me asked how I ironed her bib which had a plastic backing. Now that's what I call martyrdom.

Getorf - yes it is an airing cupboard, or a hot press for the Irish. In fact I do call my kitchen cupboards presses as well which is still very confusing for everyone else.

My mum irons EVERYTHING including pants, nighties and teatowels. I have cut out ironing altogether by just sticking to cotton clothes. They kind of fall into place but I admit they have a slightly rumpled effect. I like to think it's in vogue.
I am dreading all the school uniform maintenance.

My mother is the original mummy martyre.

She wathced me dealing with a very difficlt 2 yo DS1 once, and said

"I had two younger children by the time my eldest was his age"

Well, more fool you, Mother!

I am boggled by the fuss some people make about washing. Just throw it in (with approximate sort into lights and darks if you can be arsed, maybe), set it on the low-temp-quick-wash setting, let the machine get on with it then either hang on line or chuck on drying rail.
TBH this is where women in particular make their own lives so much harder. Some women seem to have fallen for the idiotic idea that housework is some sort of sacred difficult art, which it isn't. Housework is boring shitwork, so the less you do, the better, and every shortcut possible should be taken. No one will actually die if you only wash up every other day, for instance, and unless you have dozens of pets you don;t need to hoover more than about once a fortnight.

GentleOtter - yes Christmas martyrdom. Deserves its own thread really, but think if we started a Christmas themed thread in July we would get lynched!

My gran was a great one for Christmas maryrdom, despite stating that she loathed Christmas with a passion, she decorated the house to within an inch of its life (oh the tedium of going through the fairy lights to see which fucking bulb had blown!

She also spent a small fortune on perishable food from Marks & Spencer (all of which went off as we were not allowed to eat it - greedy, apparently). We had to watch all the church services on telly on Christmas morning (god forbid if I wanted to watch Noels Christmas Presents) and then she would go inot the kitchen and begin a 5 hour cooking epic, during which everything would be banged and crashed about because she so loathed cooking, but of course nobody was alllowed to help. She would then dish up (burnt) roast dinners with every single trimming you can think of, her hair all in a flurry and near to tears. She would then be in a foul temper for the rest of Christmas.

I try desparately to make Christmas all perfect a la glossy magazines, I always fall short (as I would, if you set perfection as a benchmark you are bound to fail) and end up in tears myself. Bloody Christmas

Oh, Christmas time! It brings out the martyr and sighs so deep that my lungs go into collapse.
And just as you are almost, but not quite, over the immense effort of recreating Lapland and feeding the five thousand, life hits you with New Year a week later.

lololol at laundry martyrs

do you know, have never even separated lights and darks, due to old 3 score years and ten thing. This shocks my mum beyond belief, but, interestingly, lights still light, darks still dark

My mother occasionally tells me how much harder it was in her day... She had full time help in the house (2 people!) so the lack of hoover, washing machine and dishwasher didn't really have that much impact, I feel.

Conversely, whenever we need a new domestic or garden appliance, I insist on the most high-tech possible, to encourage DH to use it too. (After an upbringing with full time help in the house, I have no particular hangups about other people doing 'my' housewifely jobs - the more the merrier!) It helps, but backfires on me when it is then so complex, or heavy that I can't use it, so I then have to refine my nagging skills to get the job done. (I do love my Roomba, though - my sort of gadget!)

my mum was def a martyr.... but never really complained which makes me feel like i'm never gonna be as good a mum as she was.... woke up at 4.30am every morning for at least 20 years, hand washed clothes, sheets,etc; then cooked breakfast then dressed 6 kids, then got ready and went to work as a nurse full time, then back to cook evening meal all from scratch, then homework help, cleanign the ouse and to bed at 9.30pm. then weekends we'd shop together and she'd play games with us and cook special treats like sweet and sour king prawns and stroke my back till i fell asleep, and tell me stories.... see what i mean! and she had me when she was 40 so was no spring chicken!

Yes it's an airing cupboard! A press is an ordinary cupboard.

In Ireland no-one has heard of an airing cupboard. It's a hot press here.

A hot press is an airing cupboard! Where? I have never heard that term before.

Bit gutted now, thought Clara had a big steam machine set up going on.

Sorry to disappoint you GetOrf - I think a hot press is just an airing cupboard.

Clara - what is a hot press, please enlighten (have a vision of the huge steamy iron thing that Big Bea used to operate in Prisoner Cell Block H).

I am a nappy changing martyr. I moan when someone else gets it wrong then moan again that I have done every nappy bar 4! It's no wonder really.

I did a great laundry rationalisation yesterday. I counted 9 towels dotted around the bathroom. 6 of them passed the sniff test, and were promptly folded and returned to the hot press.

So glad someone else is a laundry slattern like me

I do lights and darks and that's it (sometimes a towel wash if there are enough) and it all goes on at 30 or 40 and we haven't had a leakage problem (but then none of us wear red )

ABD, please don't do as I did and wash your extra-grubby towels at 90degrees - the binding gathered up and I now have towels with comedy frills at each end.

I think you need a separate laundry technicians thread

Colour catchers are little sachets that you put in the wash with your mixed load that are supposed to catch any stray dyes before they make it onto the lights/whites and ruin them.

Abetadad - buy a string bag for bras.

Dh actually does as least as much washing as me, if not more. Because he has been inducted into the mysteries of the way of laundry (a home study course is available from www.doityourselfifyouaregoingtomakesuchafussaboutitthen.co.uk at a very reasonable £199.99 plus VAT - all proceeds to the Home for Retired Laundry Maids).

DreadPirate - lol at the Theory of Constraints - love it

I wash everything all bunged in together at 30 or 40 degrees depending on whim. Have only ever had one disaster (with red tea towel from pound shop) but have saved hours of hassle. We all look OK turned out.

Despite this, is still me (and not DH) that does all the washing.

ABD - forgot to mention that of course there'll be differing time requirements for both wash loads and dryer loads - you'll have to be careful with the granularity of your integers. But you lost me at euclidian space

I am a martyr with my dcs,
only my martyrdom is there was no kids tv when I was a little girl except for 20mins after school, but I was minded by my nannie who watched SNOOKER
Oh wow is me

Wow! So many laundry martyrs.

princess2 - could you explain 'colour catcher' to me. Just asking out of idle curiosity like .

theDreadPirate

Many thanks for your excellent advice on reviewing the Theory of Constraints. I used to teach Queuing Theory and Project Management but I am totally embarrased to say I had come at this laundry problem without considering those two disciplines. They both contain core elements of Theory of Constraints and of course as you have quite rightly alluded this is a classical Operations Research scheduling problem.

<smacks forehead in disbelief at his lack of foresight>

If I get your drift correctly, I think I should be applying an Integer Programming approach to optimising the work schedule across all loads with items of clothing obviously take on integer values and then optimise in n dimensional euclidian space. I will of course need to include empirical probability distributions for weather and unscheduled child induced laundry emergencies.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to get the underwire out of a bra.

Ah thanks princess. You see? i am not mad

This thread is so funny cos its so true. DH used to put laundry on when I was at work I would get home to a pile of wet washing on the kitchen table and he is looking all pleased with himself saying "I did some washing for you as I knew youd be tired" I then say, so what you gonna do with it now?? Just leave it there? I then saw what he had washed darks, whites & towels but hed say "its ok cos I washed it at 40 degrees". I now moan about the amount of washing but never let him near it. Oh abetadad we got a new washing machine last year my DH read the intructions and put the first load in and then proceeded to watch the whole feckin wash cos it was digital!

ABetaDad, I think you should be applauded for your enthusiasm.

I am an enormous martyr about washing. I refuse to let anyone wash anything and then moan about how much there is. Until recently, I was under the impression that I had a Phd in laundrology. However, I came home yesterday to discover my husband had put a load on, put it through an extra spin cycle and hung it on the line. Only one (slight) colour risk item included and when I pounced on it as evidence of his incompetence, he nonchalantly said, "It's OK, I put a colour catcher in"

He's been watching me.

Laquitar, I have actually SEEN a few people clean the toilet first and then use the same cloth for the sink and bath. I once caught an (ex) cleaner doing this and had to stop her moving on the kitchen with it

I'm thinking of having some therapy so I can stop trying to spy on my current cleaner.

<<Nips in with a bit of advice for ABD>>

Before you start the laundry, make sure you've reviewed the material on the Theory of Constraints. Then check the weather to see whether or not you can dry anything outside (whites only please, and no towels, because you'll bleach coloureds and make towels crunchy otherwise).

Then check the respective washing and drying times for each load, and work out which constraint you're going to elevate - tumbling time or line time (this assumes that, like most people, you don't have quite enough clothes pegs). Don't forget to prioritise whatever it is that there's only one of and has to be worn tomorrow.

Once you've established your laundry strategy, then you'll be able to sort through the piles, take the underwires out of the bras, and make sure all of the velcro fastenings are firmly closed etc etc.

But your wife will have done it all by then anyway.

HTH

I was one of eight including four strapping boys.

In my house, if you didn't eat quickly then you didn't eat

The first time DH came over to eat when we were all at home he was faintly traumatised

I am a martyr when it comes to cleaning the kitchen/bathroom. Beat this if you can who likes cleaning the toilet?

Not the best cleaner or dh or my mum is ever allowed to clean my bathroom. Everybody is idiot and will clean first the toilet then will use the same cloth/sponge to clean the rest. That's my irrational fear . Only i can do it righ

MumofMonsters, that IS a bit OTT!

My mum used to drive my sister and I crazy with the following strategy:

Ask for help with boring domestic job. After 5 seconds, demand that we stop whetever we were doing to help instantly with said boring domestic job. After 5 seconds more, flounce off to do boring domestic job herself, refusing all offers of help because we didn't respond at once and "with good grace"

Well, that's how it felt anyway

oh god this thread brings back AWFUL memories of horrible mealtimes!

Mum used to make sure we ate everything on our plate, whether we liked it or not (liver??<boak>) we were very very poor and often had mystery tea when dad keft (you used to be able to buy label-less tins from supermarkets for about 20p for 20 or something and itw as those)

If we didn't eat it it was served up cold for every meal until it was gone. Once i was offered the same plate of liver and onions for 4 days

It's no wonder that i have problems with food is it?!

My gran used to have many many meals a day breakfast, elevenses, lunch, afternoon tea, then proper tea at 4:30/5pm then supper and was highly offended if you didn't eat everything as "a pension doesn't go you know" so again forcefeeding there.

Grammar - I am a devil for exclamation marks, overuse them all the time. I then go on a thread where people say how much they hate exclamation marks and I burn with shame.

What the hell was this thread about again

Some towels and things will need a hot wash, some things can only be washed on cold, some jeans need to be turned inside out otherwise you will get white tramlines, some jeans need to be washed the right way round for the same reason, the list goes oooooon.

Thanks, Sweetni and Getorf, much appreciated. when I have time I'll look them up in their entirety, meanwhile, got to cook supper, wash, iron, feed the 5 thousand, perform miracles and ALL whilst trying to drink a bottle of wine before sports evening at school, beat that! (Oh God, I hate exclamation marks)

Yes, that is the best strategy, leave your DW in her happy martyred state, you know it's best

(you do realise that your DW has probably buggered up the laundry loads of times, however she will keep that to yourself and there will obviously have been a reason for it. However if you made a mistake it will be indefensible and used in arguments for a good couple of years!)

Think I saw an advert for some miracle product that claims to sort out colour run. No idea whether it works but it might have been from Lakeland.

Oh, and you have to check for items that need to be handwashed, too! And put all underwired bras in string bags.

You see, this is FAR more complex than just reading a manual.

abetadad - you have to read every sodding label on every sodding item. Tedious in the extreme. Until you reach the heights of housewifery when you've washed the darn things so often you know what can be tumbled and what will shrivel if washed at any more than 30 degrees.

I do live in fear of the black sock among the underwear. I just know it would happen no matter how hard I looked. You are right. There will be no coming back after even a single catastrophic 'black sock event'.

I give up.

Betadad - you say that with confidence, however a black sock or red top will get caught amongst all those whites, you know. Plus do you know you will have to iron those sheets as well <evil laughter>

Grammar - welcome to MN. There is a acronym list somewhere (I have tried to look for it butdamned if I can find it), basically DP, DD, DS, MIL are Dear Partner/daughter/son and Mother in Law, pfb is precious first baby, aibu is Am I Being Unreasonable, the rest you will pick up!!

Can someone else find the acronym list for Grammar!

Hello grammar, there's a whole load of them here.

Sorry to break the thread a minute, but having only just registered with Mumsnet, could someone please tell me what all the initails pertaining to loved ones stand for?
From burning martyr. aka Grammar

I admit that it is quite a suicidally risky strategy. Maybe I should just offer to do sheets and towels as they are all white. Nothing can go wrong then ... hopefully.

<waves goodbye to several hundred Brownie points riding off over the horizon>

I foresee doom...

I hop you are not getting a combi washer /drier. They are awful as they only dry half of what they wash. And you don't think you can just automatically assume that everything washed can be tumbled, do you? Do you even begin to understand the byzantine levels of complexity involved.

And if you get seperate washers and drier, just because you will read the manual and will understand the mechanics of it, please don't think that you will begin to understand the whole laundry system that operates in your wife's head, the machines are only a very small part of that.

Thats it! Absolutley word for word. she even says those thoughts out loud.

I have a secret strategy though. In less than a month, we are getting new washer and dryer and then DW will be at a disadvantage. I DO like gadgets so I will know how they work before she does. Martyrdom will cease.

Still love her to bits though.

Drawer I mean of course (my standards are slipping )

Oh yes laundry.

Me: oh fgs all laundry bins full to overflowing again, where does it all come from <grumble grumble>
DP: I will put a wash on
Me: No it's ok, (thinking you will put the wrong liquid in the wrong draw, all my bras will get put in the tumble drier, everything will end up pink or grey)

Then snatch laundry basket and stump out to the laundry room, champion level martyred sighs in my wake.

GetOrfmiLand - oh I get that all the time - except its laundry with DW.

DW: "I just seem to spend all weekend washing" <put upon sigh>

Me: "Well let me do it then" <exasperated and through gritted teeth>

DW: "No, you never do it right" <getting a bit defensive>

Me: "Well you guard the washing machine like a dog with a bone so I dont know how you know!" <under my breath of course>

I am a martyr as well.

'No, I will do the dishes. Nobody does it as well as I do'

<sigh in a put-upon manner, bang dishes around loudly, slam cutlery draw shut, sit down on sofa afterwards with pursed lips>

I always used to be told as a child to "eat up as there were children starving in Africa". Eventually, I offered the whole of my pocket money to send the food to someone who would enjoy it rather than being force fed something I loathed.

My mother's favourite is declining all offers of domestic help and insisting on doing a task that no one wanted her to do and then sulking that no one helped her. It drives me nuts.

DH and I often bore the kids with tales of how we only had two channels on telly when we were kids (we couldn't get BBC2 on our tellies although it was around). Anyone else remember 'Channel 1 and Channel 9?' And they were black and white. And there was no telly in the mornings. And the telly had to warm up so it was very frustrating if you were in a hurry to watch anything because you couldn't just switch it on, Ohhhh No...

"Yeeeeeesss," say the DCs, then turn back hurriedly to the episode of Spongebob they Skyplussed because they couldn't miss it due to only having seen it twelve times.

Agree with the rationing/eating everything link.

My gran raised me - she was born in 1935 and was one of 9 children, so would have experience some food hardship I am sure.

But bloody hell having to eat every cold, congealed thing on my plate...and have it for the next day's dinner if i didn't <shudder>

My Gran used to try to make me eat up my food by saying 'there are starving children in Africa who would be grateful for that'. Even at the age of five or whatever, I could work out that me stuffing myself when I was already full wouldn't actually help the starving children...

Although I can see her point of view, she must have seen plenty of poverty around her in the 30s, and went through rationing etc. etc. etc.

Was always unhealthily interested in how often you'd done a poo as well. You should only have a spoonful of All Bran on top of your cereal, not a whole bowl!

Years later my mother explained that in the days before the NHS and central heating, good food, wrapping up warm and 'keeping regular' were the most important of the very few things you could do to try to keep your children healthy or fend off disease.

Mum, oh we didn't have all the technology help you get these days.

Me, no but you did have several sisters, aunts, friends all living very close and actually helping you

But, my mum is the queen of martyrs.

She can out martyr anyone.

(which was actually an At Last The 1948 Show sketch that was later nicked (well, Cleese and Chapman presumably wrote it, so appropriated rather than nicked) by the Pythons for their live shows)

Dh always starts a telling off sentence with the immortal words

"In my day, let me tell you"

The Dc's do the eye rolling thing too

I too was forced to clear my plate as a child, something I found incomprehensible then but now I realise my parents had grown up through the 2nd world war with rationing etc so I understand them better now.

I could never ever eat the rind from a pork chop though, still can't

Fair enough, Miggsie, but DP was the eldest of 6. I think it is a fair guess that it was he who did the food nicking.

He does need the piss taking sometimes, otherwise he is like a walking talking version of that Monty Python sketch 'when I were a lad...etc'

When DS2 complains he does not want to read to me after school because he is too tired (homework) I often give the example of my childhod where I came home from school to feed 200 pigs THEN did my homework.

DW and DSs all go and say 'poor Daddy, such a hard life' in unison.

Its become a standing joke in our house.

Yes, but it's not a reason why an only child needs to finish everything on her plate...

I hate food throwing, when they are very young it is par for the course.

I don't like children who treat my house as an a la carte restaurant either, but I've had DD's 5 yo friends tell me they are not eating my food (pasta, which I have seen her eat at her own house) which really pisses me off too. They clearly expect an alternative to be offered, but I just tell them there is no other food and they go home not having eaten. One child refused to drink the juice, the biscuits or the fruit offered, and it was all I had so she got nothing as well.

My friend has 4 kids, and the youngest eats at the speed of light, which I was stunned at when she was round...then I went to her house and saw a meal where the 3 older brothers fought over the food, took it all and she got nothing. (Until I interceded)...then I realised why she ate so fast.
This is 2 months ago, not the mists of time.

So don't take the piss out of your husband, if you are the youngest in a big family, getting your food nicked is not a joke.

Lol

In a different vein my DP (the old fart) is like this with DD.

If she is not hungry and doesn't want to finish her dinner (I never force her due to having to eat everything on my plate to the point of torture as a child, but that's another thread!) DP always huffs and puffs and says 'I was one of 6 kids, if we weren't careful the food would get nicked off our plate and we went hungry' <deep, martyred sigh>.

Fgs he grew up in the 60s, not in a 30's mining village.

Me and DP just roll our eyes behind his back

We all love to give of our ourselves to our kids. But how much is too much? What are the traits of a mummy martyr? I want to avoid this if I can.
A classic example-

Me: Did we throw our food on the floor when we were little like dd?

Mum; Well when you were little there was never enough food to throw.
Sigh.

Well we are still alive and babies don't know how much food there is in the cupboard!They will throw regardless.