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Parenting

Jealous of a friend and feel horrible for being jealous

6 replies

kittypower · 25/10/2007 20:20

I'm feeling horrible as I am getting more and more jealous of a friend of mine. She is really nice, friendly and down to earth . I'm getting jealous as she has the perfect baby who sleeps well doesn't cry etc etc, her husband is lovely and very sociable and they have a huge house which is worth a fortune, money is no object for them. I don't know why but it's making me feel really jealous. I have a dh who is wonderful and a gorgeous baby, we have a nice flat and a good lifestyle - It's making me feel such a horrible person for being jealous.
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BarbieLovesKen · 25/10/2007 20:39

of course your not a horrible person!!! we all do this from time to time - but one of the worse things we can ever do is compare ourselves to someone else - you have to remember somebody will always be prettier, thiner, richer, younger, happier etc.. than you.

To be honest it may look like she has the perfect life but, of course she doesnt! - A girl I know recently told me that she was envious of my life - had a lovely OH (ha ha - yeah lovely but we fight like cats and dogs - behind closed doors ), a good job (It sounds way better than it is), way more money than her (rolling on the floor laughing)... point being.. it looks that way.. you have no idea what really goes on in their lives, regardless of how good your friendship is - we often tend to tell most of the sucess in our lives and leave out the bad for fear of embarrassment etc..

It's funny, they say that if everyone took their problems to a table you would take your own back with you. Think thats true. She could be secretly jelous of you - you just don't know.

My advice is to concentrate on what you love about your life - I found myself being jelous of a colleague a few months ago (single, no children, "rich daddy", weekends spent lying in, shopping (everything she sports is designer) and goes to spa at least once a month, no responsibilities whatsoever (still lives at home, has a car but her daddy bought it)

But then I stopped, thought about it (we're the same age) and looked at all the plus' in my life - I will be well settled in my house (more to point mortgage repayments) long before she starts thinking about buying or building, will have my children "well on" before (by the looks of things) she even starts having them, etc...
It may be great to go home from work and have nothing to do other than you hair but, imo, its even more fantastic to go home to my beautiful daughter, my Oh, my own house, in my own car... (am I making any sense?)

Thats not to put down her life - we just have different priorities and it suits us each perfectly!!.

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BarbieLovesKen · 25/10/2007 20:40

jealous rather

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ScottishMummy · 25/10/2007 20:49

hey kittypower - thing abot someone else's life is it always looks so perfect/serene/brilliant because it is not yours. truth is she very probably suffers niggles too. so dont sweat it

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curiouscat · 25/10/2007 21:03

Hi kittypower, they say don't compare your insides with other people's outsides. Money doesn't make you happy, and often the wealthier people get the more they worry about losing it/their possessions etc. I live in an affluent area of lots of show-off types it's hard to compare myself with their exotic holidays etc sometimes. But a good friend is worth hanging on to and anyway you never know what's round the corner for your family or hers.

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kittypower · 26/10/2007 07:42

I know you are right and I am sure there are things in her life she isn't happy about but everything just looks so easy for her, she is confident, happy and wealthy and it makes me feel kind of inadequate, like I am not doing as well. This is an example (which I know sounds petty) we are going to OZ in Dec and have been searching and searching for cheap tickets, where as she is going on hols in Dec and has just booked first class and thats that done!!! Instead of being excited about my hols, I'm jealous of hers - I know that is really spoilt brat behaviour and I feel horrible for even thinking it.
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Martha200 · 26/10/2007 08:49

Think of the money you are saving by not going first class

My husband recently confessed to me he is a bit jealous of my brother who is 11 yrs younger than him (!) and about to embark on a work project abroad.

I reminded him of the things he (husband) has achieved already and to think of the different situation he was in at the same age and to be proud of what he/we achieved without any financial help from the same set of parents my brother and I share.

Remember things change, there are no guarantees in life, she may have the perfect baby now, but at the toddler stage she may be cursing away and need the reassurance from a good friend such as yourself

Try and not compare because as already mentioned what one person sees of someone's life can be VERY different to another

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