Christmas contact with Grandparent.

[Lorayn]

My dc's used to go and see their father when I moved away from him, my youngest was 8months when we split.

I have since stopped contact with their father as he was totally irresponsible, but his mother still had contact. They used to go to hers once a fortnight, which has progressively got less and less.

We are now at the point where she hasnt seen them or even contacted me (I found out that last time they went they were left in care of their father and sent her a text saying I wasnt happy and from now on he must not be in charge of them EVER) in 6 weeks.

I was talking about this to DP and said I felt uncomfortable driving the kids over (my son is nearly 3, DD not an issue really) to their nans house, which is an hour away, then leaving them there, as DS surely finds it strange to be at this house, round people he doesnt really know very well.

Thing is its getting close to christmas now, and I am sure exMIL is going to call/text me in the coming weeks and try to make arrangements about them going over to hers to stay for some time over xmas, but I dont want them to, its all well and good ignoring the fact they exist for over 6 weeks but then they expect to get what they want.

I'm not sure what to suggest, dp has said if I really dont want them to stay then maybe we could go over xmas eve in the morning, drop the kids off and spend some time in their town, doing what I dont know! then pick them back up in the evening and take them home.
It sounds reasonable to me, but I am sure t will kick off if I suggest this, really am not sure what to do.

[PregnantGrrrl]

it's not unreasonable at all to drop them there in the morning and then pick them up. she doesn't have a god given right to take your kids when it suits her, they are your kids.

and it may be nice to have a pub lunch or do some shopping with your DP somewhere different, knowing that they are close by.

another option is inviting her to yours for the day- you don't have the palava of getting them ready and driving them there then.

[Lorayn]

I dont really want them at ours, its like our life is totally seperate unless they are here. And she'd probably want to take them to see their cousins/aunts/uncles etc so there would probably be best. I'm sure we could find something to do.
I just dont want her to kick off if I say they cant stay over. It's my DD's birthday in 3 weeks as well and I have had no mention about whats going to happen then grrrrrrrrrr!

[UniSarah]

you could pre empt the request by getting your offer in first. Don't mention staying over, maybe offer Xmas eve Or boxing day so you are giving some choice. After all these kids have another parent (you) and presumably another set of grandparents (you family) all of whom would like to spend time with them at christmas.