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Parenting

What are your top tips for dealing with a new baby and toddler at the same time?

24 replies

flimflammum · 13/10/2007 20:33

I'm due in a few weeks and DS1 is 2y3m. Any good tips, especially on the practical stuff? E.g. do you recommend buggy boards (I really don't want to get a double buggy), how to deal with two conflicting routines, how to keep DS1 happy while bf-ing, etc.?

Thanks!

OP posts:
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peggotty · 13/10/2007 20:36

No advice as I'm 25 wks pg with child no.2 and have a 2.8 yr old, but will lurk with interest on this thread!

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PigeonPie · 13/10/2007 20:42

I'm waiting with interest too! DC2 due end of January when DS will be 2.2.

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ja9 · 13/10/2007 20:44

while bf dd in the early days, i encouraged ds (2.5y)to snuggle up with story books. this worked really well for him. other friends have bought a new toy that comes out for bf time - big bag of duplo related stuff.

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hertsnessex · 13/10/2007 20:45

My top tips (my two are 11mths apart and im a doula):

Rome wasnt built in a day - dont expect everything to fall into place after a week or two

Get as much help as you can in the first few weeks, so you can all find your own routine

Dont presurise yourself to be 'perfect' - let the housework go, make sure your freezer is stocked b4 baby arrives etc

get a sling - invaluable to being able to soothe baby whilst entertaining elder child, and you can also breastfeed whilst baby is in the sling, so you are more 'hands free' for older child

get a special toy/book that only comes out at bfing time if older child is getting anxious etc, make it a special time for them too.

give yourself a break - when baby sleeps int he morning, have a cup of tea, read toddler a book, and try to relax

stop looking at the clock for feeding times, you only put pressure on yourself.

if you have a partner around try and make one special time int he day for you and your older child - i.e. bedtime story/bathtime - just ten mins for you and them

get some bf'ing support if needed, especially if baby seems tob e fedding every hour etc - check the latch etc. things become easier once feeding is established and you are less stressed about that.

get both children out for a walk/park once a day after the first few weeks if you can - everyone needs some fresh air - not to mention seeing another adult face!

dont worry if your (now) tv free toddler watches more tv in the first few weeks, if it helps you get by and manage - it wont hurt them for this period.

leave a list of shopping/tasks easily visible for visitors - when they ask if theres anything they can do - show them the list! everyone wants to help, let them.

Let the older child cuddle/kiss the baby - its suprising how 'hardy' babies can be, obviously you will have to watch, but them them touch them otherwise they can become resentful.

ENJOY! you will enver get those precious first few weeks back.

Cxx

p.s. hope some of these help.

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kittywitch · 13/10/2007 20:47

God, I wouldn't know where to start. Actually toddlers and babies are easy, it's bigger babies and newborns that's a bugger.
Just beware of the inevitable jealousy. It might not appear for a good while but appear it will.
Be prepared for the fact that your newborn will have "things" done to it by your toddler.
The other day I picked up my 6 month old who was choking and as I lifted him up a number of 2 pence peices cam e flyonh out of his mouth! His 21 month old sister thought it was a great game .
Anyway good luck ladies just go with the flow.

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liath · 13/10/2007 20:51

Get a good sling, I've managed with a buggy and ergo sling (ds 6 months, dd 2.6).

Try and have some uninterrupted time with the toddler & don't panic if you feel the relationship is going downhill as it will get better again.

Let toddler open all the presents to the new baby and appropriate some of the toys !

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Washersaurus · 13/10/2007 20:51

My advice would be to ALWAYS have the change bag packed and the buggy ready to go, so you can get out of the house fast. Sometimes, when they are both crying the best thing I can do is to put them in the buggy and take them out for a while (even if only a 5 min walk to the local shop)

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ja9 · 13/10/2007 20:53

good advice from washersaurus re having change bag packed and ready to go...

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seeker · 13/10/2007 20:54

Bribery.
And remember that it's the big one that needs the attention - at the beginning all babies need is food, sleep - it won't be damaged by a bit of benign neglect. You also can't hurt a baby's feelings, so it doesn't do any harm to say occasionally something along the lines of "Oh no, that baby's crying again - isn't he/she a nuisance! Why don't you have these chocolate buttns while I sort him/her out, then we can do something more interesting"
Make sure that the first smile is for big brother. "The baby really likes you - look he's smiling at you"
Work really hard at building their relationship - it will be worth it in the end! The first time your older one says "we" and you realize he means him and his sibling is a magical moment!

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peggotty · 13/10/2007 20:56

Seeker - good advice, will remember that!

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funnypeculiar · 13/10/2007 21:00

FAB advice from herts, imo - getting help, and making sure you make some time for you & your firstborn are key. I really missed ds in the frist few weeks of having dd

We had a box of little toys/books etc, all wrapped up, which I kept by my bf chair - to be used as needed. I briefed the grnadparents to look out for & wrap stuff so we didn't buy much of it
As it happened, ds was really good with dd, so we didn't need many of them, but on emergancy occassions, when dd needed a feed and ds wanted attention, they were fab.

The other great bit of advice I was given was that toddlers often find babies interesting even if they don't find them appealing - for eg ds LOVED the fact that dd did yellow poo ... so was very up for every nappy change!

We also gave ds lots of responsibility for dd (eg he was in charge of, say, cleaning her tummy at bath time, and we also made a big deal out of what a good job he did of calming her down/cheering her up etc. Worked for us!

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knickerelasticjones · 13/10/2007 21:00

Hi there - DD1 is 2.5 and DD2 is 9 weeks so I'm just getting used to the whole idea of having double the fun....

Agree with alot of the things that Hertsnessex says...

My advice (based on my somewhat limited experience so far....)

**Try to be positive about the toddler hugging / kissing / nearly strangling the baby. I've tried to steer clear of giving DD1 a row if she is too rough with DD2 but stress how lovely she is to her sister when she's good with her. Seems to be helping with jealously as we have so far only had 2 minor hitting incidents....(but it's early days yet....)

**Be kind to yourself. I've had to accept that DD1 is watching more Cbeebies than I would like, but if that's what keeps her quiet when I have to breastfeed a fractious baby at the end of the day so be it.

**Buggy boards can be great. I didn't want a double buggy so I've been using buggy board for past two months. Really good for toddler - makes her feel ' grown up'. You need to build up their stamina gradually though - don't do a three mile hike on the first day.

**You may find that the baby just has to fit into the toddlers routine. My DD2 tends to have a nap in the morning cos I'm normally out and about doing things with DD1. But if DD2 is awake then a sling is invaluable. I quite often keep my sling under the pram just in case she wakes up and wants to be entertained.

**Try to get them both sharing a bath as soon as possible. much easier.

**I also agree that its really important to try and get some time in the day when it is just you and the older child. My DD1 comes down for breakfast with me while DD2 is asleep / with daddy upstairs. It's a really important time for DD1 as she KNOWS she is my sole focus of attention.

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Anonymama · 13/10/2007 21:01

Liath - we've got the Ergo for DS (nearly 2); would you recommend the newborn insert for the next one (due Xmastime)? (Had a useless M'care one when DS was born and hardly used it as was impossible to put on. Ergo definitely a lot easier to get into, but does the new baby not slide out?)

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Waswondering · 13/10/2007 21:02

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knickerelasticjones · 13/10/2007 21:03

forgot to say - enjoy!

In some ways I find two easier than one. And I'm rarely bored......

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Waswondering · 13/10/2007 21:04

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noonar · 13/10/2007 21:06

we got a phil and teds. we have the same age gap as you. i've seen other 2yos 'ousted' from their buggy before they're ready, just cos baby comes along . beware of that.

my friend's 20month old never had a seat in a buggy to call her own, after the birth of her twin sisters. her mum was surprised that she grumbled about walking!

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seeker · 14/10/2007 07:20

Just remembered. We used to include ds in dd's complicated pretend games. He was excellent at any role that involved sitting and doing nothing. He frequently starred as a King on his Throne, a Bad Troll Guarding the Gate, and as a Sleeping Lion.

We also played a brilliant (if perhaps not very PC) game called Hunt the Baby. We were hunters in a jungle looking for babies to take home for a zoo. We had to creep up un an unsuspecting baby in a forest clearing and very carefully (because they're timid) catch it and take it back to the zoo. This game continued, with the baby becoming more and more involved and is still played on an occasional Sunday morning now they are 6 and 11, but it's now called Boyhunt and is much rougher, louder and hysterical and usually involves me yelling "For goodness sake go OUTSIDE!"

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omeN666 · 14/10/2007 07:31

Hi I had 2.2yrs between ds and dd1 then 12mths between dd1 and dd2.

One of first things I found was I tried to overcompensate with ds on time when dd1 was born to make him feel important, it didnt quite work out though as he hated all this new attention and just wanted the 'norm'.

Agree with others who say let eldest/older ones feel involved and to cuddle/pat the baby, may surprise you how gentle they can be. DD1 was syrprisingly gentle with dd2 when she was born considering her age.

Would think about the double pram or a good sling rather than the buggy board as you might find your older one gets a bit peeved about the baby being in the pram[ds did and he had walked for a while before, even when dd2 was born he had a little jealousy but not a lot I could do about that as I was not having a triple pram]. Also if eldest decides to go through a tantruming stage it is not easy to run/walk back with pram and stroppy tot.

Dont try to do too much!! although for your own sanity a quick trip out will help you all even if it is 5 mins around the block. Housework will wait so leave it while you get yourself settled in with 2.

Lastly try to keep older one having a small nap even if it means you can just lie on the bed and read a book or stare blankly.

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popsycal · 14/10/2007 07:34

2 years 7 month between mine.

My top tips:

  • cbeebies
  • a box of small toys/chocolate to bring out at times when you need a bit of quiet time
  • lots of reading together while feeding baby
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flimflammum · 14/10/2007 08:37

Wow, thanks everyone, that's really given me some good ideas. And good to hear some positive stuff about it too (as at the moment, what with pregnancy tiredness, I'm just feeling like it's going to be hard work). I especially like the one about the list of tasks for visitors .

Thanks again, cyber-mums
x

P.S. Anyone else reading this later, please feel free to add any more.

OP posts:
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justaboutmurdering · 14/10/2007 08:51

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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liath · 14/10/2007 08:57

anonymama - yes we found the infant insert fine, used it first when ds was 3 days old, never had any slippage. ONly needed it for the first 4 months or so.

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Anonymama · 14/10/2007 20:38

cheers liath!

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