Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

What is your take on youth clubs?

15 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 12/10/2007 16:01

Bearing in mind ds1 is 11, in Year 7.

We have just fallen out as his friend repeatedly asks him to go to youth club with him on Friday nights, but I don't want him to.

My reasons are: the youth club goes on too late - till 10! He is only 11 fgs and goes to bed at 9.

Dh and I are not keen on said friend. We would not stop our son being friends with him but he is a disruptive influence and ds1 is a follower rather than a leader so we worry about this boy's influence.

The youth club is not a local one which I could vet but one some miles away. Friend's mother is supposed to take them and pick them up. I would prefer that if my son went to any youth club, I at least took him and picked him so I could get a feel for the place. But I can't go driving off for miles at night with 3 younger children all needing their bedtimes.

Ds1 is not lacking in a social life. He goes out or has someone call for him virtually every single day. At the moment, it is not stopping him from doing homework/music practice etc, but it will one day. He spent all yesterday evening with same friend and now has homework to catch up with.

I just hate the idea of youth clubs. I never went to one as a child. My children once attended a playgroup that was held in a youth club building and the notices and posters on the wall were horrid - all about drugs and sex - not what I want for my children.

I guess some of you are going to tell me my son will grow up and immerse himself in whatever culture he fancies, and of course you are right, but in the meantime, are my arguments for keeping him away from this youth club valid?

OP posts:

Report

southeastastra · 12/10/2007 17:26

my ds(14) went through a youth club phase. he loved it.

though it didn't last long, it turned out he was in a snooker contest and got knocked out, so didn't want to go anymore .

he was 11 too. i would let him go dg, just let him try it. go on

Haylstones · 12/10/2007 18:34

I work in a youth club and would never have it open for that age group at that time. We start almost straight after school and they are home by 7pm. We do have the drugs etc posters but not targeted at that age group- we don't display anything that would raise questions in younger children. If we want to bring issues up with an older group we have separate resources we bring out temporarily and always put them away before young er ones come back in.
TBH I think the bigger concern for you is that it is so far away, being unsure about his friend and dwhether he needs another 'commitment' rather than the suitability of a yc (but I am biased because I run a lovely friendly club where we do loads of fab art and craft, cooking and the staff are brill ). I would base your decision on these factors alone and your instinct seems to be screaming no!

Haylstones · 12/10/2007 18:36

seeker · 12/10/2007 18:42

My dd, 11, occasionally goes to out local club - 6.30 to 9 btw - but in our town it's mostly a boy thing at this age. As my friend says of his ds "It's somewhere he can talk endlessly about football and incomprehensible music so I don't have to listen to him, it only costs 50p and he gets a drink and a biscuit - what's not to like?"

ivykaty44 · 12/10/2007 18:52

Hmm your son will grow up and tell his siblings how lucky they were as they were younger and mum and dad never let me do that.

Unfortunately we cant pick our childrens friends and discouraging the friendship will only creat a greater bond - far better to encourage the friendship and wait.

I think it is far more to do with him spreading his wings and making his own friends away from you than the youth club. He is in year 7 and will want to start doing his own thing, I am sure you have brought him up well so give him some slack and trust his judgment.

DumbledoresGirl · 12/10/2007 18:57

Haylstones, you are right, I am not against the youth club per se, how can I be when I have not seen it? I am mostly against letting my son go off after dark into an unknown environment.

Ivykaty, I agree with you completely re not trying to interfere with his friendship even though I am not entirely happy about it. I did say in my OP that neither dh nor I would stop him being friends with the boy. In fact, when he has the choice, he never goes to call for this boy, always one of two other boys, so I know he is not ds1's favourite friend. I also am aware that I am finding it hard to let go of him. His life seems to have changed very suddenly and I need to catch up with the changes.

But youth club that late at the age of 11? It doesn't seem right to me.

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 12/10/2007 19:03

My dd went to youth club at 11 when she started in year 7 - it was though a lot earlier and finished at 7pm. Although there is a church youth club in the next town that finishes at 9pm so I guess they are all different.

I liked the idea of youth club as you get to make friends from other schools and last year my dd went on holiday for 5 days with the youth club for £25 and had a fantastic time.

I would rather my dd was at youth club than hanging around behind tesco (what some youngsters do around here)

pointydog · 12/10/2007 19:09

Ok, youth clubs are normally more cool tahn the more 'respectable' options of scouts, BBs, etc. Your more edgy kids would go to a youth club.

And I am chuckling a bit at your comments about the horrid posters.

I went to a youth club for a while as a youngster. Dd1 goes to one now. She is 11, her club's on a week night and finishes at 9pm.

Personally, I'd let him go. But then, I have a sneaking preference for edgy youth clubs over Guides (dd1 does both). And 10pm on a week night is late but is within my realms of possiblility for a weekend. If you're edgy you don't go to bed early

LoveMyGirls · 12/10/2007 19:09

I would let him go but I would take him and pick him up. Can DH get the other dc's to bed?

DumbledoresGirl · 12/10/2007 19:24

In what way are you chuckling at the posters on the wall? In the case I was speaking of, it made a sad difference to the playgroup. It only had one other rival and it far outstripped its rival in terms of the provision and ofsted reports - I sorely missed that lovely playgroup when we moved - but it was by far and away the second choice of many parents (or even, an unthinkable option for some) because it was in a youth club with drug and contraception posters (and obscene graffiti written on walls). Parents just didn't want their little children seeing that sort of thing. (I took the attitude that 3/4 yos would not be able to read them!)

The point is, my 11 yo is still not ready for that information.

OP posts:

DumbledoresGirl · 12/10/2007 19:25

LMG - dh is often not here.

OP posts:

pointydog · 12/10/2007 19:28

I can see that whoever managed that building didn't do it terribly well if teenage posters were up in view of tiny kids.

But 10 and 11 year olds learn a lot about drugs and sex at school, no?

LoveMyGirls · 12/10/2007 19:35

Could you arrange to take him the first couple of times and meet the mother of the other boy?

DumbledoresGirl · 12/10/2007 19:44

Pointydog, is all went over my son's head.

Yes, I can see I will have to think about it properly. TBH, I would rather he tried the local club as IIRC the hours were more sensible. I am not sure how much he wants to do it though and how much it is just about giving in to this boy's demands.

OP posts:

southeastastra · 12/10/2007 19:57

my son's youth club phase didn't last long (thankfully!) i had to arrange for my dad to come in and babysit my other son, so i could take him and pick him up. it was a pita if i'm honest

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.