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Parenting

Why are people so arsey about vegetarian kids?

180 replies

bohemianbint · 08/10/2007 13:00

DS is 14 months and vegetarian, because I am - we don't have meat in the house and I don't touch it so there's no way I'd be feeding him meat even if I wanted to. (Which I don't.) The way I see it, it's not a problem, I know about what foods to give him to make sure he's not missing out and he's a very healthy lad who will eat anything.

So yesterday, my brother said me "forcing" vegetarianism on him is the same as me "forcing" religion on him and compared it to christening a child and making a fundamental decision for him.

The way I see it is he can do whatever when he's older (but I'll never be cooking it for him!) but if he chooses to be a vegetarian he can't "un-eat" the meat. If he wants to eat meat, then fine. Why should I "force" meat eating on him? I had it forced on me and it really screwed me up.

Anyone else had to deal with this sort of attitude and how do you deal with it? I found "shut up" worked reasonably well yesterday (I get so tired of justifying myself!) but not really that eloquent, is it...

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MrsTittleMouse · 08/10/2007 13:06

In my experience there isn't an answer that you can give. Some people are very stuck in their opinions about vegetarianism and I've never found anything to change their minds. Even DH (who isn't veggie) who is very open minded and who eats veggie at home very happily insisted that DD eats meat occasionally. He doesn't want her to be "different". It's the only parenting battle that we've ever had. In the end, the marriage had to take precedence over the meat! It's DH's daughter though, so he is allowed an opinion, I'm guessing that it's not your brother's daughter!

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bohemianbint · 08/10/2007 13:08

Haha...no, MrsTittleMouse, I resisted the urge to breed with him.

I do worry though, that he might try and slip DS a bacon buttie when he babysits...

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Carmenere · 08/10/2007 13:10

It is a difficult one tbh. However as long as your child has been fed a balanced diet with all nutrients covered that is all the answer you need to give your brother.

I am curious how eating meat screwed you up? Was it because you were forced to eat it? If so it was the forcing as opposed to the meat eating that will have screwed you up.

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rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 13:13

It's only a problem if it becomes an issue for him. If its not an issue and everyones happy then there's no problem. So why fix what aint broke. I eat meat but i wont eat shit meat from a supermarket 80% of our diet atm is vegetarian, my dd eats meat but only good stuff and not every day. if you eat lots of pulses, beans and veg you have a much healthier diet. Some cows are fed on chicken faeces, chickens that have eaten cows, factory farming is really dubious. I recently gone back to vegetarian cooking and the amount of veg consumed against a meak with meat is 10 fold - i can't get the hang of the chopping - takes me ages.

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Boogalooblue · 08/10/2007 13:13

To answer the op it is because you have made the choice on behalf of your ds.

I am not going to debate whether that is right or wrong but imo that is why people get arsey

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rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 13:18

yes and likewise people make choices to feed their kids sweets, burgers etc when the child doesn't have that choice. Vegetarians are so easily accomodated for these days i think its unlikely to cause a child to feel excluded.

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bohemianbint · 08/10/2007 13:18

rebelmum - totally agree

Boogalooblue - Of course you make decisions for your children, how can you not? As a parent you decide what they eat, wear and what behaviour they can and can't get away with. Until they are old enough to make the decisions themselves. So how come I can decide to send my child to a childminder 2 days a week (and give him no say in the matter) without being given grief, but choosing not to feed him meat causes issues? Not entirely fair is it?

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foofi · 08/10/2007 13:18

bohemianbint - sorry you are meeting with judgemental comments. Unfortunately there are lot of people who have an irrational fear of something like this. Just try to take no notice! YOu know your kids are getting what they need.

Boogalooblue, not really. The child can make their own choice at any point. Having never eaten meat myself though, I'm not about to start buying or cooking it for someone else! That would be other people making a choice on behalf of me, not me making a choice on behalf of the kids.

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MrsTittleMouse · 08/10/2007 13:18

Yeesssss, but all of us make decisions on behalf of our babies, no? Vegetarianism does seem to rank up with child neglect in some people's minds.
Hm, mind you, thinking about it there are lots of things that other people always seem to have an opinion about, "your baby is to fat/skinny, why aren't they sleeping the night? they should/shouldn't have a dummy", it just goes on and on doesn't it?

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rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 13:19

u can even get a spicy bean burger in macdonalds

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rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 13:20

i wouldn't worry unless it becomes a problem and if and when it does re-think it

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rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 13:20

christ - i don't give my dd sweets and u wouldn't believe the berating i've had

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bohemianbint · 08/10/2007 13:21

Hmmm...so actually, perhaps I should just tell people to feck off and mind their own!

I doubt Jewish people get grief for not feeding their kids pork, or Hindus for not eating cows...

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rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 13:22

annoying isn't it?

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spookykitty · 08/10/2007 13:22

I get it the opposite way, I'm vegetarian DP is not the DDs are not. When they are older I will tell them where meat comes from, why Mummy doesn't eat it and they can make their own choices.

People think I'm weird because I don't eat meat yet feed it to my children (they do have a lot of veggie meals as well).

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rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 13:23

become a hindu jew :-)

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TwigorTreat · 08/10/2007 13:23

well when my Dsis's child decided to become vegetarian at the grand old age of 4 we all thought it was rather sweet, and then got increasingly farked orf at the way Dsis (non-veggie) would reinforce it to the point of not allowing her roast potatoes that had been made around the chicken or soups made with fresh meat stock ... it just seemed to be the constant reinforcement from Dsis that was a OTT and rather irritating when the rest of the whole extended family are omnivores .. it was an 'oooo look at my child isn't she caring and wonderful'

she's 19 now and still a vegetarian .. its not annoying now .. and wouldn't have been ever if she was mature enough to decide for herself.

all the vegetarian parents I know, of which there are a number, allow their children to eat meat .. they believe it will be the child's decision as they grow up

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TwigorTreat · 08/10/2007 13:24

you can't equate total exclusion of a food group with religious observance .. that's rubbish isn't it?

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Earthymama · 08/10/2007 13:24

Boogalooblue, But surely that's what parenting is; making informed choices on behalf of some-one who is vulnerable and needs your care. We all make decisions that affect our children, based on our ethical views and moral stance.

bohemianbint, you know what you are doing so ignore your brother or do some research and present it to him in a large folder.

Your child will be fine. GDS, aged 10, has never eaten meat, and has no desire to do so, even though his parents now eat meat.

It's 2007, wouldn't you think people understood that you can eat healthily without meat?

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rebelmum1 · 08/10/2007 13:24

my dd meets the chickens she eats - i've always been matter of fact about meat

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FairyMum · 08/10/2007 13:26

Because these people think the child isn't getting what it needs when he doesn't eat meat and also because they often take it as a personal criticism of their own choices.

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bohemianbint · 08/10/2007 13:29

It is amazing how ignorant a lot of people are when it comes to nutrition. It's also amazing that people are so interested in other people's parenting choices. I've learnt so much since having DS, and one thing that stands out the most is that I will never pass comment on another person's parenting choices (in RL!) because it's really rude and disrespectful. And I really don't understand why a staggering amount of people don't get that.

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pistachio · 08/10/2007 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nospeak · 08/10/2007 13:30

I would agree with your brother but that is not to say that I am critcising you. You have "forced" vegetarianism on your ds, but as parents don't we "force" lots of things on our children from the way we educate them, feed them etc?

I don't see why you should have to justify yourself. I must admit to inwardly rolling my eyes when a mum asked if the catering would be vegetarian at ds's party, if I'm honest I thought why is a 3 year old a vegetarian? but I guess thats more my problem than hers.

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bohemianbint · 08/10/2007 13:32

I know what you're saying, nospeak, I reckon most people feel the same way as you. But would you have rolled your eyes if the parent was Jewish/Hindu/whatever?

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