My 9yr old son behaves like a teenager

[Shout]

I don't know what to do any more
My Ds complains about everything:-
Getting up in the morning he is too tired,(yet lies in bed at night and can't sleep).
His school is awful,his lunch boxed isn't yummy,he has too much homework, school expect too much of him,
he wishes he hadn't signed up for football/running club as it's too demanding.( next day he can't possibly go to school as he has an injury headache althought I still send him)Dinner is awful having to eat vegetables. I shouldn't be telling what to do when i request he gets his bath.

His sarcasism and back chat have reached an new level I am fed up holding the threat of loss of PSP/ computer /tv etc over him.
He says frequently he wishes he was adopted, I make his life hell, as soon as he is 18 he never wants to see me again. It hurts!

[tribpot]

My ds is 2, so I can see what joy I have to look forward to in the future :-/

Unfortunately, I think this is quite normal. My oldest nephew is 11 and has now passed the mantle of pre-teen brat to his younger brother (also 9). This has been a shock to all as the older one has always been quite difficult and the younger one a little sweetie. But not now. Kevin the Teenager is alive and well and living inside him.

From my lowly position in toddlerdom, the only advice I can offer is the Mumsnet mantra "THIS TOO SHALL PASS". Hope someone more qualified comes along shortly.

[jooleybee]

Mornin. My ds is 13 hasn't quite reached this stage yet, but I am waiting for it. When I get to the end of my tether I talk to him about it. My dh and i have been terrible punishers, in fact my son feels very privaledged that he has never been gounded (even though sometimes I think he ecretly wishes he had been!)Perhaps try the "look your a big boy now and if you want me to treat you you hae to act etc etc... does he now hes making you unhappy?

[jooleybee]

Sorry about all spelling mistakes...it is early!

[jooleybee]

Also, what time does he go to bed. I had terible terible problems trying to get my son in bed by 9 so i made it later and the release of pressure is amazing. He ,like yours was a disaster in the morning and still is if hes tired but different after a good nites sleep. It could be all down to tiredness you know!

[WideWebWitch]

MY nearly 10 yo is sitting on the bed being lovely but last night he reduced me to tears by being vile to his sister, by alternately wanting a cuddle/not wanting a cuddle/shouting.

I have a book called Get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town, which is about teenagers and I MUST read it soon. I think it's STILL about attention, it's still about boundaries - i.e. they want to know that no matter what you still love them. Sympathy, it's very trying I know.

I just asked ds what the problem was last night and he says he doesn't know. I really don't think he does, I think it's hormones/attention/end of a long week etc. I mostly do I love you no matter what + I don't like your behaviour + trying to be cheerful. And then of course I do do LOUD shouting sometimes when he pushes me to the limit. Not recommended but hey.

[Turquoise]

Just wondered - you say you threaten loss of PSP/tv etc - do you actually follow through?

I've found that the occasional coming down like a ton of bricks, rock solid boundaries etc worked wonders with ds at this stage, and now with dd aged 9 as well. I used to dread reaching what I imagined would be a huge confrontation, and actually withholding what I had previously threatened - but it usually worked well as if they had almost been hoping I would do it - ie pushing the boundaries.

[roisin]

Oh yes, I agree with WWW it's definitely still about attention, and boundaries, and reassuring them of your unconditional love.

Last night ds1 (10) was having a bit of a strop and said "I'm nearly as tall as you, [he is] and when I am [within the year probably] you won't be able to tell me what to do!" I put him straight in no uncertain terms that whilst he was living in my house he would be living under my rules and obeying my instructions, even when he towers over me like a giant ... which won't be long at the rate he's growing!

My main tip would be to give him choices when there are realistic choices, but when there aren't don't give him choices or pretend to do so.
"It's time to get up now" not "I'd like you to get up now, please".
"Right, it's your turn to load the dishwasher. Thank you" not
"DS1, can your load the dishwasher now please?"

[roisin]

I'm also very good at pointing out how lucky he is and what wonderful parents he has at every opportunity.

So if I've put some time aside for us to make scones together [or whatever] and he grunts a "thank you" then I'll respond in a rather sarcastic voice "Thank you so much mum, you really are the most fantastic mum in the whole world!". For him, I know this works, and the message does get through.

[WideWebWitch]

lol roisin, yes, I've trained ds to say "thank you beautiful kind lovely wonderful mummy"

[Shout]

Thanks for all the advice, I have started putting it into practice. So far so good.