How would you deal with defiant 2 year old?

[Tinkywinks]

Hi, would be grateful for any advice, just wondering what other mums do in similar situations. My son who is 2 years and 5 months can get defiant at times to the point I have to be physically forceful. A common example which happened this evening and left me feeling really stressed out was that he was in the garden and I kept calling him in as I had to get him in the bath but the answer kept coming back "No!" despite all my tactics. I tried closing the garden door and pretending I was going off inside but he didn't care! I tried to distract him by telling him a story whilst walking him to the door but he cottoned on and threw himself to the floor. I tried to usher him in but he was just digging his heels in even more so I had to literally drag him inside whilst he was kicking and screaming, I lost my temper and found it really physically demanding, and I just end up feeling really drained and annoyed afterwards. What would anyone else do in this situation?I also get this when trying to leave the park and getting him to come to the table to eat his dinner. How do you get a 2 year old to do something they don't want to do?

[Dropdeadfred]

I wouldn't have spent alot of time asking him or bribing him..I'd tell him it was time to come in, if he said no first I'd ask again and I would be carrying him in by the second no...

Not being superior, it's just how I have to do things with my dd3 who's 2.4 yrs..

[VidiVickiVENIQV]

If you find out...let me know

It is really bloody hard work isnt it?

[bossybritches]

Best bits of advice I was ever given when my dd's were small were these.

1. Never ask an open ended question.
   
   ie" Are you coming in for your bath now?" as it gives them permission to say yes or no & we all know which one it'll be!! Say firmly "ok it's bath time now!" & take no refusal even if you have to pick them up bodily.
   
   
2. Prior to doing anything like this always give them a warning "Ok 5 mins to bathtime.....2 minutes....now it's time" Even if they have no concept of time it gives them a warning so it's not such a shock when you suddenly take them away from the funstuff.
   
   I have to add it is not fool-proof but it helps & if the other way isn't working it's worth a try isn't it!! ;

[orangehead]

i tell my son he can do it the easy way or hard way ie he can come in himself nicely or i will come and pick him up and carry him in regardless of him kicking and screaming. i let him choose which way, it acutually really works for him as he is quite independant. but i can imagine it not working for some

[bossybritches]

Nice one orange-give him a choice it does sometimes work if they're very independant. (do it MYSELF!)

When my dd was a toddler we had battles over what to wear some days. I resorted to giving her the choice of 2 outfits picked out the night before. It didn't always work but she got the idea!! Sadly now she's 10 it doesn't work as well......hmmmn time to rethink the strategy!!

[Desiderata]

I've tried many approaches, but I found that

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"

works rather well

[iuseantiageingstuff]

The countdown is always a good one, a timer can also help with an alarm on it

[nailpolish]

YES#

dont say "are you coming for bath now?"

its not a question

its

"you are coming for bath now"

good point bossybritches

[McDreamy]

I have a 2 year too so I know how you feel

I usually announce that it's bath time in 2 minutes so he gets a bit of warning, it's been mentioned, not much of a shock when 2 minutes later I say it's time for a bath and he either goes willingly or I pick him up.

If he gets stroppy when I pick him up I try and distract him with a silly song or something (doesn't always work}.

I do find that a 2 minute warning helps though especially if he is engrossed in something. Good luck

[bossybritches]

I think it's the shock of being expected to drop whatever they are doing without warning & do eyes roll boooring stuff.!! Must be sooo frustrating.

I used to be mortified at the fuss my youngest dd made when it was time to leave somewhere she was having fun.Always ended up with her over my shoulder & me apologising profusely "she's had fun! Honest!! just tired" (Feeble grin avoiding kicking heels)

I got so fed up I used to read her the riot act BEFORE we got somewhere-& while we were both calm!- & tell her what the plan was & when I said it was time to go no fuss or we'd not be invited back. It got easier EVENTUALLY!!!

[HonorMatopoeia]

We do the warning....
then the bribery - stickers for the reward chart.....
then the distraction, which usually goes along the lines of 'Quick dd1, what's this? Can you show me?'
Dd1 is such a nosey wotsit that this usually works for her

[liath]

TBh sounds like he's getting loads of attention for his behaviour and toddlers LOVE attention.

We've had great success with reward stickers lately, worked a lot better than time out which was disastrous.

[oregonianabroad]

this book will sort your lo

Seriously, I could have posted the same saga a few weeks back. Went on a thread on here about HTTSKWL and it helped SOOOOOO much. Hardly any timeouts these days, and a serious reduction in power struggles.

For example, in this scenario, you could say, 'It's bathtime now. If you want to play outside a little longer, you may have to go straight to bed without a story.'

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

i also find that making out something really interesting is going on elsewhere gets them to move.

'Oh LOOK! The dog is lying on your Thomas book!'



Not in the least bit interesting but you have to make what you want them to do sound interesting. Be really animated.
You will get some funny looks in the supermarket mind!!

'Look at this green banana!!'

[liath]

That book rocks!

A few weeks ago if dd tipped her duplo everywhere the scenario went:
Me: dd can you please clear up the mess
dd: No
Me: Please clear up the mess
dd: NO
Me: I NEEd you to clear up the mess NOW
etc etc

Yetsreday it went:
Me (excitedly): Oooh, look at this MESS
Dd: Yes! Mess!
Me: What a big mess. Hmm, what do you think we should do with it?
Dd: Clear it up!!

[TheBlonde]

I think we have the book, I suppose I better read it!

[lilacclaire]

I usually just shout, right, bathtime. and bodily lift if he doesn't come immediatly.
They are very 'willful' at this age

[oregonianabroad]

We also use the Gruffalo Trick (I growl loudly and tell him the Gruffalo is coming to get him, then i pounce and tickle/roar into his tummy all the way up the stairs.

[Othersideofthechannel]

Hi Tinkywinks
How to talk is working wonders with my DS who is 4 but a little bit beyond DD who is 2.9. I do the warning thing and then in these situations ask her whether she wants to walk by herself to the bathroom or to fly (fun way of being carried).
Used to do the same thing with DS when he was 2 but he got a fireman's lift because he was a lot heavier than she is.

[Tinkywinks]

Thanks everyone for your helpful posts, I've only just managed to come on today to read them all. I think the biggest help was that you made me see the funny side of it, then I realised it's helpful to see the funny side of a potentially stressful toddler situation, because then you can react without your anger getting in the way. Will try the different tips, I do find that making a deal beforehand can work ("you can play in the garden ONLY if you come in when mummy says it's time), but if too much time has passed then the deal seems to lose it's impact. Anyway, sometimes if I don't have the time or patience it's good to know that some of you use the pick up and carry technique! Thanks again everyone, it's just helpful to know I'm not the only one! xx

[annieapple7]

My DS2 is quite defiant and I find it all goes a bit wrong when I lose my sense of humour. Because really, it is funny, a large adult unable to get a very small child to do what they want!
But it does not seem very funny at the time.
Once you meet a bit of resistance, or even better before, the "mummy the entertainer" should kick in.
Eg. yesterday, they were playing in the garden near the tree and I said , "Ew what a pair of stinky monkeys. When it is bathtime I will shout "Oo oo, ee ee" (monkeyish noise) (complete with armpit scratching motions)
and they came running in, shrieking monkey-style and laughing no problem.
Bit exhausting but less stressful.
I think I will buy that book.
Or you could hide a chcolate coin in the bathroom.
In fact, my whole parenting style is founded on the chocolate coin....
well behaved children
but no teeth

[ghosty]

All two year olds have to be defiant.
It is the law.
Don't give them too many choices.
Ask then Tell then Act ...
Ask: "Please come in for your bath now"
"No"
Tell: "Come in for your bath"
"No"
Act: Pick him up and carry him in.

[HS1990]

Love this so implementing it!

[Muddledandbefuddled]

I've found the book How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen really helpful for this sort of thing.

[WalkingOnSonshine]

Hopefully the now 15 year old isn’t as defiant.