How to deal with Y4

[auntysocial]

My son is just about to go up into year 4, he will be 9 in february.

Last year was awful, he was put into a class with all the bullies and badly behaved kids in year 3. His work went downhill, he became withdrawn and actually started to HATE school for the first time since he started at the age of 4.

As soon as he found out he would be moving class this year and would be put back with the "nice" kids in his year group he seemed to change completely, he's happier and not bothered about returning to school.

Problem is, one of the prime bullies from Y3 is moving class with him. This kid is my sons best friend one day, bullies him the next. He's a spiteful brat and does his best to turn everyone against DS and then suddenly becomes best mates with him for a day when he decides he wants to come back for tea.

The bullying is normally petty stuff, he tells DS that we have no money and that his mum spends more time and money on him than I do with DS but it did occasionally get out of hand...like the time he took my sons trip money off him and the time he pushed him over and kicked him. He also pushed my youngest DS (6) into the ground cutting his eye open and has even told ME that when my 6 year old starts year 3 he will be in the same playground and is intending to bully him!!!

So as you can imagine, I'm not a great fan of this kid but I'm unsure as to how I should handle it. At this age, is it time to tell DS to sort this stuff out on his own unless it gets out of hand? or do I go in and keep on at the school?

Last year, hardly a week went by that I wasn't in complaining about bullying and I really don't want all that again this year. DS has recently started karate so I'm hoping his increased confidence will help.

But, how would you handle Y4 if the petty bullying continues?

[MaureenMLove]

Such a difficult one to approach. Personally, I would make sure the class teacher is aware of the conflict straight away. She's probably already been told, but it wouldn't hurt to make her aware that you are on it from the start. Its very difficult to know how to teach him to stand up for himself, because the bully will no doubt report straight back to the teacher with whatever he does and then your son will get told off. I think you are just going to have to tell him to keep away from him.

[wheresthehamster]

For more effect (most parents feel they have something pressing to tell the teacher the first day) I would leave it till next week.

Then anything that happens this week can be used as evidence that nothing has changed.

Your DS needs to build up some strong friendships with other boys (easier said than done sometimes) then he won't be such an easy target. Start inviting them back on a regular basis. Hopefully the boy will lose interest.

Keep the teacher informed.

[honeychild]

I'd speak to the teacher, but be clear that things were generally better, apart from this one boy who's causing trouble. If the school has tried to help by moving him away from most of the bullies, then it would be good to acknowledge that. At the same time, the teacher should know there's a problem. Hope that helps.