Be honest - how hard is it to go from 1 child to 2?!

[helenelisabeth]

I am due DC2 next week and am bewildered as to how I am going to manage! I think partly because there will be a 5 year gap between DC and also DD is used to being an only child for nearly 5 years. How did you cope getting DC1 ready for nursery/school with newborn LO etc? Any tips!?

[Hurlyburly]

Tbh I found that two was a lot more work than one. The biggish gap between the two should be a reasonable help - DD can get herself dressed etc

[2Happy]

I found the first 6 months no problem. It's been getting more interesting since ds2 started crawling. Much smaller age gap though, only 19m. Good luck!

[WideWebWitch]

It's lovely, esp with a big age gap. I have 6 years between mine (diff husbands)
Honestly, I found number 2 so so much easier than the shock of a first baby.

Also, your other child will be at school at some point and therefore it will be just you and a baby, which is lovely.

When dd was newborn she just had to wait while I got ds ready for school etc. The second for me just fitted in and had to get on with it.

The first day was awful mind you as ds took one look at dd and said 'she's horrible' and stalked off. I cried and cried, the gp didn't understand at all (she came to check dd, home birth) but anyway, he got over that fairly quickly and now they're very close. She's now nearly 4 and he's nearly 10 and it's a great gap, they play really beautifully together and are very close. I recommend it. Thoroughly. You'll be fine because a) you know what to do with a baby b) you know it's all a phase and it passes c) your older one can be reasoned with d) or isn't there! e) you realise that a newborn isn't really much work compared to a toddler.

[flightattendant]

Four year gap here, ds2 is 3 months. I found the hardest thing is trying to integrate them...I can 'do' babies fine now, but the 4 yr old misses out while I'm doing it!

Also older one was very upset and jealous, still struggles a lot and has a lot of anger around it all - especially as I had a rotten pregnancy as well.

Ds2 seems really, really happy, I've heard a lot of people find that, but Ds1 isn't happy at all

However seeing them gradually attune to each other and Ds1 get something out of his little brother's respect and so on, is wonderful...just a long process I guess!

[MrsSlowLearner]

There is a 4 year age gap between my dd's .To be honest having 2 was easy peasy i thought in comparison to going from 0 dc-1.
With regard to getting your older child ready for nursery just prepare as much as you can the night before and your dc1 can help get herself ready and help out with the baby,passing you thing's etc.

[flightattendant]

Oh and I thought it would be impossible practically, but Ds 2 sleeps SO much I often forget to bring him when we go to get in the car!!! Haven't left him home alone yet...well hardly...just the once!

[pointydog]

Depends on the individual.

But I think the huge incentive of having your eldest away at school all day, leaving you in peace with the baby, will be all the motivation you need to get your eldest ready and school on time.

Absolute bliss.

[BettySpaghetti]

I have a 4.5 yr gap and its been brilliant.

I agree with what WWW said -the second child just learns to fit in/wait. With your first you tend to respond the second they squawk, with the second they have to wait til you've finished what you're doing and have a moment to spare .

[WideWebWitch]

And you get used to the baby just having to wait if you have a deadline for getting to school/picking up etc. And you have so many more strategies for dealing with being a parent.

I honestly found 0 - 1 a HUGE shock but 1-2 fine. Mind you, I did have a wobble when she was around 3 months but partly due to lots and lots of external things going on in my life.

[helenelisabeth]

Thanks everyone! I suppose with your second the child has to fit in with you more, when you have your first you can laze around all morning feeding them etc but DC1 has to come first if they need to get out to school etc. DD starts school next Thursday and I am due Friday - SHIT!!! How did I manage to time it so well.

[oooggs]

good luck - I have just gone from 1 to 3 and the dts are much easier than ds1 ever was

[PetitFilou1]

Very but I only had a 19 month gap. However I'm planning on another one when ds goes to school. A friend is about to have her fourth (now) and her eldest doesn't seem fussed at all! I will get back to you with feedback when ds4 or dd1 pops out!
Although it was very hard it was absolutely worth it btw

[dizzydance]

I was quite nervous as had 16 months between mine and dh is away a lot working, but got through it. They are now 12 and 13 and are hard work but in a quite different way. I found 1 hard at first, wouldn't say it all came to me naturally so the next one just sort of came along and we muddled through it together. Glad I did it though as they are great company and we are a very close family.

[VengefulSquirrel]

Helen, you did say be honest.

I have the same age gap as you, dd now being 5months. There are good things - as everyone has said, having the little one on its own in the day etc, older one being able to help.

However, there will be hard times (unless you are wonder woman, which you may well be!) I find tea time especially hard, esp. now i am weaning dd. ds needs help with homework (yes, homework - even in year R!) and some days it all gets a bit much. As someone else said, plan ahead for tea etc.

When dd was about 3 months and I had got over the honeymoon period, I hit a really hard patch. ds was at home for Easter hols and I guess I actually started suffering from stress symptoms. THere were other things as well, ds and dd both ill (ds brought home numerous bugs from school and gave them to babes! Argh!) then I got ill and it all went tits up for a while.

But, it was temporary and things are sailing into much calmer waters now. I really love the age gap and woulnd't change it for the world, even though it was not really design but the way life worked out.

I think that as long as you are prepared for the tough bits (you seem to be thinking ahead etc!) I bet it will be wonderful. Seeing the older cuddle the younger for the first time, and every time, it is so special....

Good luck xxxxxx

[twentypence]

That is excellent timing! My friend is having the same thing - we start kids at school on their 5th birthday and her due date for her 3rd child is 2 days after her first starts school.

But being 5 and starting school is such a huge thing here at kindy, that I actually doubt that the whole baby thing will show up on his radar!

[Tinker]

I've an 8 year gap and I find it very hard. Am torn by 2 different needs, routines etc. I think it's getting a bit better now teh youngest is 2.3 but I feel my eldest is still struggling with having 100% attention (well, ish) reduced to 50%.

[BigBearistheBigBear]

I found going from 1 to 2 much easier than going from 0 to 1. Mainly because I'd already accepted that I'm just a slave to whims of the LO(s) during the day nowadays . I think, from talking to friends, that if the age gap is roughly 2.5 years or more it's fine, as DC1 is more independent. Whereas if they're 2ish or less they still need lots of carrying etc. So you'll be fine! Congrats.

[helenelisabeth]

Squirrel thanks for your honesty. I am quite a "think the worst" type of person so I hope it is better than I imagine.

ATM we are living with my parents (have been since Nov 06) as we are renovating a Victorian house (which has taken longer than expected, doesn't it always!) so I will be here for the first couple of months of LO's life. I am hoping it is a blessing as my mum will do majority of housework etc and my Dad is excellent with DD. I am hoping that I can concentrate on DD when she comes home from school as I will have far more help than I would have had on my own. The shit will no doubt hit the pan when we move into new house and I am left to cope alone! (Quite capable I may add!).

[startouchedtrinity]

Being honest, I found going from 1 to 2 a breeze, but mine only have a two yr gap, then another two yr gap for my third.

A friend has just had her second and her dd1 is 5 and going into Yr 1 at school. Thery have found it really easy too, her dd1 has taken really well to teh nb and doesn't seem at all put out. But is your dd actually gping to school for the first time, or is she gpoing back to school? I will freely admit I loathe mornings, I have dd1 to get ready for school, dd2 to get ready for pre-school, and ds to shove milk and porridge down by 8.40. The key is routine, I'm afraid. Ds gets woken up by 6.45 for his bottle (he's 16 mo) whether he likes it or not. He was 3 mo when dd1 started in Reception.

Once your dd is at school you will have all that lovely baby time. There are advantages and disadvantages to every gap but I think the extra baby time you get with a larger age gap is really nice.

[helenelisabeth]

Trinity thanks for your advice - my DD is starting reception next week. She will be 5 in October.

[sarahgg]

My age gap between DD1 & DD2 is 4 1/2 years. DD2 born 1 week before DD1 started school. WHAT A SHOCK! My heart was ripping in two most of early days. Wanted so much to spend time with baby, but felt so guilty DD1 was having to deal with so much, especially when all the focus should of been on her starting school. But to be honest, she dealt with it better than me. She is so sensitive and caring, but now DD2 is 2 she is having such a hard time. Baby is so jelous of every thing she does, all of her friends and every where she goes. DD2 will physically attack her if she comes to me for a cuddle, and her bad behaviour often occupies more of my time than DD1's good behaviour (she is 6 1/2).
As tough as it has been though, DD1 has told me since that she felt lonely as only child, and loves her sister to bits. To see them (v.rarely) playing nicely together, and hear their shrieks of laughter from the garden makes it all worth while.

[startouchedtrinity]

Okay, the biggest thing you will have to deal with is that dd will be knackered when she gets home. It's not uncommon to get disturbed sleep, stroppiness and even full-on tantrums, simply b/c a child starting Reception gets so exhausted. My dd1 used to wake up and then be so overtired she couldn't get back to sleep. We did also get a bit of attitude which was very out of character.

The best things I can suggest are plan ahead, and keep things low-key for the first half term at least. For example, dd1 didn't go to tea at her friend's houses until after the first half term. We didn't do anything much after school at all, and I ensured early dinner and bed, so maybe you could either have something ready to heat up when dd gets home or cook simple things like pasta. And as much as you can, get everything ready the night before school. IME you can feed your nb and listen to dd reading her schoolbook at the same time. Also IME schools expect miracles of parenst these days 'bring in a snowflake outfit by Thursday' - so let your dd's teacher know the situation and they will usually cut you some slack. Lavender oil is, as I am sure you know, really relaxing, and giving dd a bath with 2-3 drops oil mixed with whole milk in it will help her to relax and sleep, and you can put adrop on atissue and tuck in her pillowcase too.

Good luck, it will be manic but so worth it, you will be going through two extremely interesting stages and it is great fun and so rewarding I can't begin to tell you.

[startouchedtrinity]

Another thing, if you can manage it before lo comes, is to have a special 'going to school' tea for dd, either the night before or on her first day. We also got helium balloons delivered for dd1 for when she got home from school.

[ScoobyDooooo]

I found the first 11 months ok then dd decided to start walking & i have found it alot harder since this, i only have a 3.3 years age gap though so ds was only at nursery for 2.5 hours a day it would have been easier if ds was at full time school.

[no1putsbabyinthecorner]

Hi
My dd is nearly 7 months and I am also thinking when is the right time to try again.dh wants to wait till she is about 2 ish and half of me agrees as I want to enjoy being with her and worry she may get shoved out.(But I understand what you say about the second baby learns to wait)anyone else have very close age gap