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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Out of curiosity - could you leave an 8 week old baby to go away for a few days with DH?

271 replies

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 09:39

This is not for me by the way! My friend has just had a baby 8 weeks ago and I was gobsmacked that she has left the baby with her parents and gone away already. Is this normal and I am too over the top with my children to think that leaving them this young is not right? It's not her first child but even so, does anyone else think this is a bit young to be left?

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fillyjonk · 31/08/2007 09:40

no i couldn't

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 09:41

No, it's not too young imo. Some people would, some people couldn't or wouldn't want to but if she wants to and has lovely childcare in the form of the baby's grandparents, whyever shouldn't she?

I had a lovely weekend away with my dh when our dd was very small. We needed it.

lulumama · 31/08/2007 09:41

don't think it is a question of normal / not normal. IFYSWIM, but i personally could not have done, nor did i
we all have different comfort zones

fillyjonk · 31/08/2007 09:42

i don't know if its RIGHT or not though

I suppose whats right depends on the individual

for example, some mothers are hospitalised after birth due to (am going to spell this wrong) puerparal psychosis (?) .

In the US I think maternity leave is only about 6 weeks.

So I think it depends.

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 09:42

And it's only a few days.
Why are you 'gobsmacked'?
Are you inviting us to judge her perchance?

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 09:43

So I guess in answer to the OP, yes, I could. But I understand not everyone would want to and that's fair enough.

FrannyandZooey · 31/08/2007 09:43

I couldn't, no

is it always wrong to judge people on how they treat their children?

CountessDracula · 31/08/2007 09:44

I went away for a week with dh when dd was 4 months

so shoot me

I came back a new person who had recovered from her 9 hour general anaesthetic and 12 litre blood transfusion and was capable of being a good parent to her dd rather than a zombie...

CountessDracula · 31/08/2007 09:45

No franny, not if they are abusing them

If they are leaving them in good care and they are warm and fed and loved then yes it is wrong, everyone can make their own decisions about how they live their lives (not that it will stop mnetters judging of course)

moonshine · 31/08/2007 09:45

I think it's actually easier to leave them at this age than when they are older and notice your absence more. As they long as the baby is fine and being fed and loved where's the problem?

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 09:46

Wickedwaterwitch - I was "gobsmacked" because it is something I could not do! I would never "judge" anyone else's actions over how they deal with their DC but I was surprised that she "could" leave such a young baby. Just something I would not do hence I was wondering whether I was abnormal! Don't get me wrong, a few days away would be bliss!

OP posts:

JeremyVile · 31/08/2007 09:49

I probably 'couldn't' have done it myself but if I could have then I'm sure it would have done me the world of good.

Good luck to your friend, she'll probably miss her baby loads but I definitely dont think she has done anything wrong.

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 09:50

Also I think if you have grandparents who are willing to mind your two DC for a few days makes all the difference. My parents do not have the health and my MIL would never do it in a million years - probably one of the reasons why I could not do it, my mind is programmed not to even ask!

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FrannyandZooey · 31/08/2007 09:51

Well I do make judgements about other people according to what they do with their children

it is a very important part of who they are IMO and you can learn a lot about a person from observing how they are with their children / what decisions they make about their care

so shoot me

hippopotamouse · 31/08/2007 09:53

I went out for dinner for the first time about 8 weeks after my first child was born and cried for a whole hour before going home! Couldn't leave him at all!(PFB ALERT!)

I think if it's not her first child she knows that the baby will be fine if she leaves it with GP's for a few days, something I didn't!

Now I have two I'm always trying to get someone to take them and dream about going away for a few days!

expatinscotland · 31/08/2007 09:54

No, I couldn't do this.

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 09:54

F&Z so would you judge me and CD then? We both left small babies with loving grandparents and went off with our husbands. Fair enough to judge people who beat their children or but going away with your dh for a few days? Hmm.

EscapeFrom · 31/08/2007 09:55

I personally couldn't, but I don't feel there is anything wrong with it.

Actually, I would have happily left ds2.

FrannyandZooey · 31/08/2007 09:55

Yes I judge everyone to some extent according to what I see them do in their lives and I think it is bollocks to say that most people don't

I haven't said what my opinion would be about someone who does this, but I would form an opinion about it, yes

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 09:57

yes but the fact that you're talking about it F&Z makes me think though that you would and do judge anyone who did this! Which seems like a resonable assumption on my part...'you would form an opinion' - hmm, what opinion would you form or aren't you prepared to say?

Pruners · 31/08/2007 09:58

Message withdrawn

JeremyVile · 31/08/2007 09:58

Do you really think that this scenario is evidence of anything? I cant see how it can provide you with an opinion on the mother/parents.
They have gone away for a few days, felt able to do so, so did. What more than that can be assumed?

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shreddies · 31/08/2007 09:59

I would be gobsmacked and there is no way I could have done it. But if she is desperate for a break then I sort of understand. Sort of

mm22bys · 31/08/2007 09:59

No.

I thought I could, but when the time came, I couldn't do it.

It was our tenth wedding anniversary when DS2 was 6 weeks old, and our parents were here, and we thought it would be OK for DPs to look after the DSs, for only two nights.

When the time came, we just couldn't do it, even though it was our 10th, it would be our parents looking after the DSs.

Each to his / her own, but WE just couldn't do it...

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 09:59

I think it does do children good to have attention from grandparents and family members as they benefit from having bonds with them and from my experiences with DD1 (she was not left until 10 months old and went BESERK) I would definitely hand unborn LO over easier and have a break but sorry, I could never leave my 8 week old for 4/5 days and go away. I would feel too guilty. Not slating anyone who does though.

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