Playing out on the road with other children at 4.

[Budcat]

Help! My Ds is just 4 and starts school in September. We live at the busy end of the a lovely cul-de-sac with a family of small children, also going to the same school living at the enclosed end. Really would like DS to be able to play but worried about safety. DH and self were always out as kids and really keen for DS to do the same but really concerned that at just 4 DS is just too young - absolutley no road sense. Realistically we can only spend so much time standing washing the car etc particularly as expecting baby number 2 at Christmas. Situation not helped by the rather arguementative 6 year old who has now started banging on our windows and appearing in the back garden. We feel under siege!

[belgo]

I wouldn't, not if it's busy and your ds has no road sense.

[Kbear]

I played out as a kid but not aged 4. Too young IMHO. When the kid runs out in front of a car people are outraged but what do they expect? They are four, they haven't got a sense of fear. Cars do drive into cul-de-sacs too. I think if you have concerns you are right to follow your instincts.

[Imchangingmynametodad]

We live in a very quiet cul de sac but my kids still didn't play out until they were 6 and 7. I do understand what you mean about other kids as we had neighbours kids poking their heads through the window when we were eating our dinner demanding that our kids came out. It used to drive me mad, but in the long run I am the parent and it had to go on what I felt comfortable with.

[Blandmum]

my two have only just started doing this aged 10 and 7

[Milliways]

Our last house was in a cul de sac and we came to an agreement with the other parents of the under 6's that one of us would always be out. It became quite social as we tended to sit out with a cup of tea and was nearly always joined by another mum.

Could you get a rota going?

[Chipstick]

There are five houses in our driveway, the three houses furtherest from the road all playout together most days. Ages range from 14 down to 2. Mine are 6 and 3.

Have no problem with this and they all know they are not to go pass a certain point on the driveway.

[fillyjonk]

MY 4 yo plays out like that in cardiff

so ner

at namechanger

[BridgetJonesKnickers]

I think you're always better with your gut instincts. If something happened to him at this age when he was out playing unsupervised you'd torture yourself forever. A rota with other parents is a good idea. Leave it til you have the confidence in him to be road-wise.

[fillyjonk]

but he has decent road sense, painstakingly installed (used to run straight out into road at 2, so had to do work here)

And he is watched

[BridgetJonesKnickers]

If he's watched then thats a different matter. I think the poster was on about letting a child with no road sense out unwatched.

[tori32]

My dd is too young yet but like many have said if the road is busy then best not to let him out unsupervised. I also think the rota is a good idea. I'm fortunate because I live on a military camp so its fairly quiet and safe so mine will beable to play on the grass outside our house.

[Kbear]

of course it's different if they are watched, I was replying as if they were allowed out and not being supervised.

[denbury]

i've a 3.5 yr old and a 21month old.they both play in the road but it is a quiet cul de sac and i'm always out with them. we also have kids come down and knock on our door but if we are having dinner i just phone there parents and they come and get them. are road has become very social as a result of quite a few children playing in the road and i have made some good friends.also as other parents are in road i can sometimes pop in and get dinner ready in peice as other paerts will watch mine for 5 minutes.we return this favour.

[Olihan]

We used to live in a quiet road (not a cul de sac though) with lots of other kids aged about 4-10 who used to play on the huge paved area right outside our house. Ds1 and dd were desperate to go out all the time but at 3.4 and 20mo there was no way they could go out unsupervised.

I found it really awkward as none of the other parents did more than check out of their kitchen windows occasionally so if I was out I felt obliged to deal with arguments, falling overs, etc.

I also felt as though the other parents sort of expected me to supervise all of them and it worried me because some of the kids had appalling road sense. The road had a tight bend into the bit in front of our terrace then another tight bend onto the rest of the street so it was sort of S shaped with very wide paved areas on each side and the kids used to ride their bikes straight across without looking. I was paranoid one of them would get knocked off and I'd get grief as a result. TBH, I was a bit that the parents didn't watch them more, especially the younger ones.

Don't whatever you do, let yourself become the only adult out there. The rota sounds like a good idea if you know the other parents well enough to suggest it.

[ragdollyanna]

I would go with your gut instinct.

I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old who both play out on the lane but we live at the top of a very quiet country lane and are one of the last houses. As it is a dead end we get no through traffic.

I only let them out if they are playing with the neighbours 10 year old twins. I dont let them play out on their own.

I would definitely not let them out if the road was quite busy, no matter how many children came calling.

Go with what you feel most comfortable with.

[hermykne]

budcat
we are moving because of this reason, its one of about 5.
but beside there are 4 families with kids the same age and they were on the street from 3 and half yrs.
it is mad to let them out. my dd is nearly 5 and gets out with an older child whose mum is a friend of mine.
but ds just 3 , no and i dont think i would at 4 either with him and his particualr personality - liable to run accross and not look etc etc.

[Budcat]

Thanks everybody for your thoughts on this. So far I have managed to anticipate and (plan for) every little dilemma that has happened ( and plenty that have not!) but this hit us out of the blue. The last time DH and me thought about playing out we were about 10! Seem to be coming to a compromise where the other (older)kids play in our garden or I take DS down to play at another house. Hope some of the desperate need to play out will be sorted by ds starting school tomorrow. Felt so much better not alone with this problem!

[OrmIrian]

Too young for regularly doing this IMO. We are in a similar position to you but my eldest (10 and 8) have played out for a few years. My youngest who is also 4 is rarely allowed to do so, and only for a very short period, with his older siblings.