PLEASE HELP ME

[raggedyanna]

I am going to lose it I really am. DS has always been a high needs kind of kid who hates anything intrusive like haircuts, getting dressed, nails clipped, bath time etc etc. Anyway the most difficult is the dressing one and I have really truly tried everything but it is a huge horrible battle morning and night. He is now 3 but not toilet trained and I am in tears as it takes hours of screaming morning and night to get him dressed/undressed...
Tried
sticker charts leading to rewards
writing a story with photos of him in it about getting dressed
time out
him choosing clothes
him being involved in getting dressed
pinning him down and forcing him to be dressed (usually only when nappy is dire or have to go somewhere where clothing is needed)
Making it a game or a race
Today I tried completely ignoring him except to say when you put your clothes on I will...get you a sandwhich...play with the puzzle, go outside etc

It took 3 hours of screaming to get him dressed....

I swear if this continues day and night I will snap!!!

I am on my own btw.

[policywonk]

Poor you, I know how upsetting it can be when you get into this kind of spiral with your child (I had it when potty training my older son).

It has become a battle of wills, and I think that sometimes the smartest thing to do is to take a step back. Getting into a battle of wills with a three-year-old is a no-win situation!

Tell him that you are not going to force him to get dressed any more, but that if he chooses not to get dressed (or to not allow you to dress him without hysterics), he won't be able to do things that require outdoor clothing - trips to the park, playgroups, etc etc.

Then just try to sit it out and - really important but really difficult - DON'T let on how much it is frustrating you. Prepare yourself for spending a few days in the house, and try to be as pleasant and cheerful with him as you can. Hopefully, when he realises that you have opted out of the battle, he'll realise that getting dressed is no big deal.

If he allows you to put any clothes on him without a fuss - praise, stickers, sweets.

I think that's what I would do, anyway.

[raggedyanna]

thanks thats kind of what I tried today just sitting it out. We got up and I said after breakfast we will get your clothes NO!!!. Would you like to choose them or shall I NO!!!! Alright I will choose them, he rips them out of my hand and throws them across the room. Me oh so calmly ok come and find me when you are ready to put them on. He played for about a minute "Mama, come and help me with my digger" "When you put your clothes on I will help you with your digger" screaming and throwing tantrum ensues and continues all morning only broken up by "Mama will you..." and "When you put your clothes on I will" I honestly didn't think he would ever do it, heaps of praise when he did and obviously knew what was in it for him as he said "There now you can play with me all day and do as I say"!!!!! I am dreading pj time tonight and to be honest I have had it after day in and out since he was born this has been a struggle, just more so now as he is bigger, stronger and can run off!

[israel]

Its extreemly hard when you have a child that is very strng willed in wanting their way...
Your doing the right thing...stick to your guns and dont waver.
I found great difficulties...and sometimes still do...when My boy wont get dressed when we are rushing somewhere...
It seems the quicker I want him dressed the longer it takes him...and the more wound up i get...so i try to allow for this...keep praising when he does the right thing...charts etc...treats at the end of the week if things have been ok...but i have resorted to putting him in the car with his pjs on...then throwing his clothes in and locking the doors...saying you have until we reach our destination for you to get dressed or you will be in those pjs...for the rest of the day...He has only ever done this twice...and i have never seen him get dressed so quickly!!!...good luck...and be strong

[Budababe]

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to get dressed?

If he wants to go out somewhere will he get dressed?

How would you feel about letting him stay in PJs on days you don't have to go out?
We often have PJ days as my DS loves days he doesn't have to get dressed (he is 6) and we have had lots of them this summer on days we don't have to go out. Saves on the washing too! And if you have friends over leave him in PJs and if they comment it may make him think.

My DS stayed in PJs all day the Xmas he was 5 and I had all my family here. My mum was a bit surprised I let him but it really didn't bother me. He was his day and he was happy.

[raggedyanna]

he says he doesn't like it but won't elaborate, going out is not enough motivation he has even missed out on his beloved playgroup because he won't get dressed. I did try pj days but he is still in nappies and I can't leave them on indefinately. The pj days to be honest I think just confused him as to why he could wear them some days and not others and then getting him to change them when they were dirty was pure hell. I have never shouted at him over this but I am truly getting close!

[scattyspice]

Had all this with DS, then he suddenly grew out of it (thank god).

I used to say 'I'm going to count to 10' which used to help.

But all you can do is take a deep breath and get him dressed as quickly as possible, then move on.

[EscapeFrom]

yes agree with "I am going to count to ten, then you are going to get dressed"

Count down, then just do it. Do this every single morning, straight after getting up. No going downstairs until clothes are in situ. Do it quickly, if he screams about it, just let him. Letting him wail about it for three hours before he does it is prolonging the issue. It shoudl take no longer than 10 minutes, then that's it, issue over, downstairs to start the day.

Don't let him have you over a barrel regarding doing whatever he wants you to do just to make him put his clothes on. It gives him far too much power. He needs to know you are in charge, that what you say goes. It is your basic human right to not look at a bare bum all day!

[raggedyanna]

thanks for advice, the three hours screaming is AFTER the clothes are on not before btw.

[EscapeFrom]

Then have a blanket rule of "No screaming downstairs"

Screaming is fine - upstairs. If he wants to scream, he has to scream in his bedroom.