Aaargh..just work..and toddler...and being on my own!!! RANT!!

[Janos]

I'm a bad mother and a crap employee. That's how I feel at the moment!

Don't get me wrong..I love my DS very much but it does feel like a huge, huge struggle sometimes and my life has (almost literally) been turned upside down since he arrived.

I look at other mums just getting on with it, managing, and wonder, why can't I do that?

I feel perpetually stressed and exhausted - I am trying to care for him as well as working full time and it's just me. Sometimes it really just feels like too much! Often feel as though I'm doing too many jobs and not doing any of those very well

Just...AAARGH! Thank you, feel a wee bit better for venting

[columbolover]

Hi Janos,

I have felt like this too!

I'm absolutely sure your neither a bad employee or a bad mother! There would be something wrong if your life hadn't been turned round about when you had ds, how can it possibly stay the same?!

I have a friend who had a dd the same time as I had ds 6 months ago, she seemed to take to motherhood like a duck to water whereas its been a bit of trial and error for me, but I'm absolutely sure she has her moments too. What you see on the surface is not necessarily how things really are. I bet others think you are managing just fine too! Of course its a struggle sometimes and every day can feel like groundhog day!

I feel just the same as you often and am sure others do to. I just skim the surface of the housework, can't remember last time I hoovered upstairs, (and feel guilty as I should be playing with ds instead), barely see my friends and god only knows how I am going to manage being back at work (tomorrow!!) 3 days a week on top of everything else. it only take a bad night with ds and I'm in tears the whole of the next day, the tiredness can really get you down.

How old is your ds? Do you have a partner / family who can help more so you can have some time for yourself? Is it possible to reduce your hours at work even just a little bit? Are you depressed, could your GP help?

I know there is enormous pressure to feel like you are performing perfectly at work, and every other area of life, once you have a baby, but I've decided that if I even turn up that's a bonus at the moment, my priority is my ds, and I used to be a career woman!

Your ds will not even notice how frazzled you are or how messy the house is as long as he is cared for.

I think you need to take some pressure off yourself somehow, maybe by working out what you can let go as unimportant, like some of the housework, and just focus on the really important things i.e. the health and wellbeing of you and ds and make sure you get a break.

I think as time goes by things feel less of a struggle, or maybe its just we get used to it, try talking to other mums who I'm sure feel just the same as you.

Hope you get some good advice and support from other mums, sorry this is so rambly

[BernieBear]

Hi Janos

I could have written your post myself. I have been noticing lately how much easier it appears when there are two of you but when it is just us on our own it can be so isolating with no-one to share your daily problems with they can appear to get bigger.

I run my own business and look after ds (3) and last week was very much in the same place as you seem to be right now. I ended up in floods of tears at the childminders Poor woman had to sit me down with a cup of tea and explain that most mothers (whether married or single) get this way, including her! Did feel a lot better for it afterwards though.

We are not alone!

[BernieBear]

Janos? How are you now?

[Janos]

Hello!

Thank you all for your replies, apologies for not returning sooner but my internet went all tits up and I've just fixed it.

I'm feeling a little better now as I have some time to myself today (DS is with his Dad). HAving had a decent nights sleep helps too

I wrote that post in an absolute fug of exhaustion..let me tell you someone had called into work to explain that they couldn't come in because they hadn't done their washing!! I just found this infuriating when I try really hard to get in and put in a decent performance every day..and I know what you mean, turning up feels like an achievemnt some days. Thankfully my line manager is pretty supportive and helpful.

Also meeting up with a friend tomorrow to take our DCs out to the zoo so I'm looking forward to that. It will be wonderful to ctach up and have a chat with someone who knows here I'm coming from.

[columbolover]

Glad you're feeling better! And that you've got some support around

It just takes something silly, mixed in with a bad night's sleep, to send us over the edge, doesn't it.

Take care