I would like your advice......

[Durdle]

My dp has a 5yr old daughter with his ex.

He left when his dd was 6 months old for various reasons. They are very close and he has her to stay once or twice a week and when his ex-p wants to go away for the weekend etc.

We have just bought a house together and we will continue to have her to stay regularly. She and my dd adore each other.

However, he pays his ex-p £350 a month in maintainence and on top of that pays for ballet, language classes, goes halves on birthday presents etc.

I have asked him to consider reducing this amount as we now have a house to pay for and have her to stay regularly. He says ex-p threatens him with CSA if he doesn't pay it and he would end up paying far more.

I personally think £350 is a massive amount of money. Opinions please.........

[scorpio1]

she is entitled to 15% of his income; less if you have dcs too, and less if she stays over more than once a week.


CSA calculator

we pay dps ex what the csa says we have to; and occassionally get a few extras-like shoes or shool uniform. it sounds like he is paying alot. The money for ballet, etc should come out of the maintence and the mums money-its not just your dps responsibility.

[scorpio1]

oh and birthday/xmas should be extra on top of this, IMO-just presents though.

[Durdle]

Yeah very difficult. Thanks for the CSA calculator- according to that he should be paying £264 a month. Sounds more like it.

[scorpio1]

but i think that the mother and father should equally contribute-if is paying £350, does she too? £700 a month for one child is alot!

[Durdle]

She has A LOT of holidays a year, buys dd expensive clothes and toys and generally seems far better off!

I guess it makes it worse that I don't get a penny from my dd's dad.

[scorpio1]

oh i was just saying about fairness; you dp and dps ex are both parents-she shouldnt rely on him for everything for their dd.

have you got CSA or anyone on to your dcs father for money?

[beansprout]

Dh still pays a huge amount to dsd (and it's direct now she is 19, nearly 20) but sometimes it helps to ask yourself if you want to be with a man who scrimps on his children. Money is always difficult and especially so in these set ups. I do feel for you though, this is difficult stuff.

[smeeinit]

blimey £350 a month! id be well happy with that.
ex husband has only ever paid £22 per month for our 2 YES 2 children!
thats what the csa says he should pay,and he only paid that for about a year,weve been divorced nearly 11 years and he owes around 25k! no chance i shall ever see it tho as altho he runs a succesfull buisness his accountant "does" the books in his favour for him!

[Durdle]

My ex-dp does agency work and only earns about £170 week I think. I have never asked for any money cos I know he wouldn't be able to afford it and haven't contacted CSA cos I didn't really understand what they would do???

[scorpio1]

but he HAS to afford it...use the calculator thing for that £170.

CSA can attach earnings order-would come straight from his employers pocket to your bank.

only know this because i have had to go through all this with my ex

[Durdle]

Wow I didn't realise that his employer would pay. I should have done this earlier really. We split up 4 years ago! Can they backdate???

[scorpio1]

i think they do-dont quote me on that though.

please dont think i am a money grabber- i am just very much in the sharing responsibility camp for my children, and hate to see some children without because their dads dont help

[scorpio1]

so say he has to pay you £20 a week.

employer would pay him £150; CSA would put £20 a week in your account.

[Durdle]

I don't think that at all! I've found it so frustrating having struggled on my own as a single mum after we split up. I had asked him to contribute towards school uniform before and got £30 but that was all.

[scorpio1]

i know, my ex used to be like that; we split up when ds1 was 10 months. he didnt give me a penny or anything else until he was 3.