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Just had the worst afternoon with ds - hitting/pushing/hurting - completely humiliating.

16 replies

PanicPants · 20/08/2007 20:03

Went to visit an old uni friend I haven't seen for a year this afternoon. My ds is 2, and hers is 16months. She also has 2 teenage children.

Her ds is gorgeous, peaceful, quiet and contented. My ds is normally fairly well behaved, although does hit other children if they try to take toys away from him, which I thought was getting better.

Anyway, the visit started well, the 2 boys were sharing toys and getting on ok. Then ds started to take toys off the younger child, hitting and pushing him. He also started to run around like a child possessed, screaming and shouting.

It ended up with me apologising constantly, unable to remove ds from the situation, or ignore him, like I would do at home, or give him a time out - which workes well at home on the few occassions I've tried it.

My friends ds was pushed over a few times, and twice banged his head quite badly as a direct result of my ds. In the end I had to leave as I was in tears by the end of it. It honestly was the worst afternoon I've ever had with ds.

I know he has a problem with hitting (used to be biting - but fingers crossed we have cracked that one) but Inever, ever thought he could be as bad as this.

The only different thing about today, was when we arrived at my friends, she offered me and ds a biscuit and ds had some shortbread which he hasn't had before. I know I'm clutching at at straws but I wonder if that contributed to his awful behaviour (although it doesn't excuse it).

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MatNanPlus · 20/08/2007 20:08

it might have helped, only way to knbow is to give him it again.

I would have sat him on a chair/sofa with me and not let him play for a few minutes, it sounds like he was looking for attention because he knew you were giving him less.

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PanicPants · 20/08/2007 20:10

Tried that, but was nearly uncontrolable, was rolling and wriggling to get away from me. Tried sitting him in a little chair with toys/books, on the sofa, on my lap - but all he wanted to do was grabbed toys my friends ds had hold of, or run in circles around the living room.

It probably wasn't the biscuit, just ds.

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hermykne · 20/08/2007 20:15

panic pants how much time does he have alone with other children, ie with you NOT there? maybe if you can drop him into a play place for a couple of mornings and see how that mgiht help him or a community playgropu wihere there is lots of children and its not one on one with him wanting his way.

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PanicPants · 20/08/2007 20:19

He goes to the cm 4 days a week, and is generally ok behaviour wise when he's there! The children he plays with are all around his age as well.

If someone else posted this, I would be able to give loads of advice, but I'm doing all I can think of and it's not working

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mamazon · 20/08/2007 20:19

sounds like te behaviour of a typical 2 year odl tbh, im sure your friends understands this given she has older children.

the trick is to never go anywhere without a buggy, that way you can give him a time out by strapping him into his buggy and facing him away from the action for a couple of minutes.

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PanicPants · 20/08/2007 20:20

But thank you for your advice

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PanicPants · 20/08/2007 20:22

mamazon - maybe you're right [sigh], don't know if thats a comfort or not!

But it's good advice about the buggy, should have thought of that, it was sitting in the car on the driveway the whole time

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orangecat · 20/08/2007 20:23

Going through something similar with DD too (25 months). Really horrible and embarrassing. From the threads I have seen, sticker charts and time out are the way forward (although more difficult when you're not at home). But, slightly discouragingly, threads also say that this is a phase they grow out of. Not looking forward to going through this phase...

She tends to do with just one friend - including hitting his 6 month old baby sister in the face, nice! And general pushing, smacking, biting and pinching of her best friend - who, amazingly, loves her to bits and still wants to play with her! Actually upsets him more than my dd when I time out her!

Sorry I don't have anything new to add. Just can TOTALLY symphathise at how horrible it is. Wish she had a friend with a similar temprament, so wouldn't feel so bad when this behaviour starts...

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hermykne · 20/08/2007 20:28

pp maybe its the reverse then, have more one on one meet ups for him and worj thru it with him....i'm sure it ll pass , has he good verbal skills or is he still just getting th hang of his words?

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PanicPants · 20/08/2007 20:52

orangecat - well I guess it's some comfort that other 2 year olds are the same.

hermekne - yes, maybe you're right, although there's no way I can go over and see my friend for a while yet

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orangecat · 20/08/2007 20:56

If you find a miracle cure to stop the behaviour, do let me know! Will be using the buggy trick too - thanks mamazon

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LoveAngel · 20/08/2007 21:19

PanicPants - no advice, just sympathy.

I have just had EXACTLY the same day as you with my 2 and a half yr old son, and my friend and her two daughters aged 3 and 2. I ended up in tears on the bus home. It was embarassing, exhausting, frustrating and awful.

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PanicPants · 21/08/2007 11:22

Loveangel - you have described my feelings perfectly

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LoveAngel · 22/08/2007 09:56

Hey panicpants - just thought I'd check in with you and do some more commiserating :-)

Had an equally horrendous time yesterday with a friend and her little boy. I wanted to cancel it after the hideous time we had with friends on Monday, but it was a long standing arrangement, so decided to be positive and hope for the best. DS was a nightmare. Friend suggested lunch in a cafe - bad idea! DS was bored rigid and descended into major tantrums almost immediately which lasted pretty much all through lunch. Thought he might feel better in his own home with his toys around him - nope! Attacked my friend's son every 2 minutes and at one point threw the poor child into our stone fireplace headfirst. God, it was truly awful. Had a long, tearful chat with my mum last night, who informed me that I was exactly the same and that she gave up taking me anywhere but the park 'where I could run around like a nutter in wide open spaces' between the ages of 2 and 5...God, please don't tell me I've got 3 more years of this :-(

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PanicPants · 22/08/2007 11:54

Oh LoveAngel thats awful. I don't if it's better to know that you used to be like that or not. My Mum says I was "never like that" I was a quiet, peaceful baby apparently, same with dp. So God knows where ds gets it from.

Yesterday I had a quiet day with him. In the morning we stayed at home, and then went shopping with my Mum, ds wasn't too bad in the pushchair, although tried grabbing everything in sight.

But I'm dreading this afternoon. I'm a teacher and I meeting to do some planning with another teacher who is also a friend of mine, who also has a child. A girl the same age as ds. My friends' Mum has offered to have both children so we can get some work done. But I'm just dreading the fact that ds might be as awful as Monday and that by the time we've finished the little girl will be black and blue. I've nearly cancelled it - but have to get the work done

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lady007pink · 23/08/2007 22:53

PanicPants, I can't offer you advice only tell you your ds will grow out of it. I couldn't let my ds mix with any small children until he was 3yo.
He is now 6yo, and I couldn't ask for a better son (well, he does have his moments, but who doesn't?). He is great at entertaining his younger cousins and they idolise him, plus he brilliant with his 9mo sister. And he's got great reports from school, especially from the socialising point of view - something I thought I'd never hear!
So your ds will get better, I promise you, even though it's difficult for you at the moment.

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