Worried about concerned neighbours

[AnniePutney]

Hi, please help - I really don't know who to talk to about this. Last night my one year old woke up at 9.45 and dispite my best efforts cried for hours. After tending to him every 30 to 45 minutes I decided to let him cry it out and settle himself which he did at 12.45. The whole process took 3 hours, most of which he spent howling. This morning as I was going to the shops my neighbour and her daughter rushed out and asked me what had happened last night. This left me deeply upset as they were all over him, looking at him very suspiciously commenting about how he didn't seem very happy this morning - as though I had done something to him!

To make matters worse a few days ago he had a nasty accident with his babywalker and has a small bruse under his eye!

I told my husband what happened expecting some support but all he said was 'well if you're going to leave him to cry then what do you expect?'

I know I did the right thing to let him settle himself last night, it was the only way to get him to sleep. However, I feel terribly upset about my neighbours reaction and that they could possibly think something bad had happened. I really don't know what to do.

[NineUnlikelyTales]

First post?

[mamazon]

you have done nothing wrong, your baby is fine.
you have no doubt explained to your neighbours that he had a bad night so don't worry.

[AnniePutney]

Hi, yes first post.

Thanks for your support. I cant help but worry though - they're such busybodies. If she had mentioned it to me in the street, fine but it was the way she came rushing out of her house. I feel like I'm under survailence - what if the same happens tonight?

[ProjectSeverus]

every 30 to 45 mins.

Thats a huge amount of time between going in to him. Why the long gaps?

[Piggy]

Of course she's concerned. I'd be concerned if I'd heard a baby screaming that much (and keeping me up).

[mamazon]

if she comes over again you simply say that you are following the teaches of a well respected (if not on here) parenting guru. this is a tried and tested technique and that whilst you apologise for the noise and obviouse inconveniance it causes her you hope that she repsects your decision to follow this method.

what are you worried will happen? she contacts social services?

they would come round, see your managing perfectly well..possibly offer you some advise on sleeping techniques, put you in touch with a mother and baby clinic and then leave you be.

[mamazon]

oh, then you go back inside your house feeling smug that you shut the nosey old bag up.

but yes i would say that 30 - 45 minutes is a very long time to leave a baby. you should try and return every 5 minutes or so max if you wish to do the controlled crying/silent return approach.

[hana]

my 10 month old had an awful night a few nights ago, nothing would soothe her - am sure neighbours all around heard her crying - took her about 2 hours to get back to sleep, this was with me holding her and walking around with her

babies are unpredictable, and you don't have to explain yourself

[chopchopbusybusy]

If I were your neighbour I might well have asked the same. If I were you I'd pop round and explain that because your son is having sleep problems you're trying to get him used to getting to sleep on his own which might mean that she hears a bit more noise for a few days. That way you can apologise for the noise in advance and might make you a bit more confident in what you are doing.

[AnniePutney]

Leaving him for 30-45 mins is a decision I took 2 months ago. It is the only thing that has actually got him to sleep through the night. Normally he is absolutly fine and does not wake up. When I was tending to him every 5 to 10 mins he would wake up once a night for 2 hours or more completely alert and there would be nothing I could do to get him back to sleep. The next day he'd be tired and grumpy. He's actually been a happier baby since I've done this.

[prettybird]

You say ih is a year old. I have to say at that age, I owuld denfitinely have done the same as you. If you'd checked him and he was fine, and he wasn't for being settled, then what else can you do but leave him to cry it out.

I'd just tell them the truth - your ds for soem reason wouldn't settle last night and you're sorry if he disturbed them. Just leave it at that.

BTW - what was your husban doing last night? Was he helping too, or settling a crying child only your job?

[AnniePutney]

He checked on him once and tried to get him back to sleep, but yes 90% of the time its just up to me which is why I had to do something about his prolonged night waking.

[maisemor]

What time to do you put him down? It might be too early for him.

He might be napping for too long during the day?

You did nothing wrong here, and as you said yourself they are just being nosey, and probably have that whole feeling of my child/ren never did that (lies all lies).

Hope you feel better again soon.

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Sorry, had to rush off after my post earlier. Meant to say hello!

I don't think you have anything to worry about with your neighbour, but you can understand their concern after hearing your DS cry for so long. I would find that very difficult to hear, especially at that time of the evening. Personally I think that leaving a 1 year old to cry for so long is not a good idea - just imagine how long 45 minutes feels to a baby. If you are having to do that regularly to get him to sleep then I would consider every other option, because it can't be good for him (or you).