Have you put any of your friends off having children (inspired by Bea's thread about arguments)

[legalalien]

A couple that we know has recently announced their decision not to have children, based on their observations of friends who do have children - they've considered it at length and decided that neither of them is prepared to put their careers at risk / on hold, that they like their life as it is, and that they're not prepared to undergo the lifestyle changes that they've seen us (and other friends) undergo.

Some other close friends of ours are now reaching the same point - they've seen how much having a child impacts on your lifestyle, in terms of flexibility to do what you want, when you want (I hasten to add that we haven't been moaning to them about parenthood - just that they've been observing keenly).

Anyone else have a similar story?

[expatinscotland]

I haven't put anyone off. I do know plenty of people who really didn't need anyone to 'put them off' per se. Just made a decision they didn't want to go down the kids route for a variety of reasons.

[Dinosaur]

What ages are they? And are you sure that the women, in both cases, completely buy into this?

[preggersagain]

quite the opposite- our friends decided to have children after seeing us as a family

BUT

this was the same friend who was at a four year old asking for pasta for tea- she exclaimed "your children eat PASTA, so do they eat normal food all the time then?"

[Pinkchampagne]

I put my sister back a few more years everytime we visit her!

[motherinferior]

I know quite a few women who've decided not to have kids, Dino.

I personally do not think I have directly influenced them, but on the other hand I do realise that every outing with the Inferiorettes is a kind of public health message on the importance of the use of contraception. I felt this particularly when we went out for dinner last Saturday evening, and sat near would-be romantic diners...

(OI, alien, want to meet up in Sarfeast Lunnon one of these days?)

[legalalien]

Dino - mid 30s, in both cases, and in both cases it's woman-led - the two husbands involved are not entirely happy about it. But then I do have some fairly feminist / career-focussed friends!

One of them thinks that children would be OK if they could move to HK /Singapore and outsource the whole thing to an amah. . The other one has just decided it's not for her, having spent lots and lots of time with her sister and baby niece.

[Dinosaur]

Interesting, but not something I can emphasise with (I know a lot of very career-minded professional women who have managed to combine that with having children).

[motherinferior]

I do rather madly envy people with that clarity about it. Imagine. A childfree and regret-free life. The utter bliss of it all.

[expatinscotland]

I do, too. Such peace of mind is a real blessing, IMO.

[Dinosaur]

Several of our long-term friends have had babies since we had the DSs, so obviously we haven't succeeded in putting them off - God knows how!

[Dinosaur]

I find people without children rather sad!

[aloha]

I never envy people without children. Sometimes I think, 'Oooh, they popped out for a quiet coffee on Sunday morning - that would be nice', but I'd never envy them their life. I find people my age without children can easily get into a really middleaged groove - like retired people.
And anyway, the really tricky bit of having little children is over in a few years - even with two of five and two, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel (though I will miss the morning cuddles).

[motherinferior]

God, the people I know who've never wanted kids are madly chirpy. They would be. They've got sleep, money, freedom...

[aloha]

snap dino! I know you aren't supposed to feel like that, but I do.

[Dinosaur]

But isn't it rather an empty life?

[motherinferior]

...and the ones I'm thinking of aren't particularly middle aged, especially not compared to me, what with having a social life and a cultural life and the ability to stay up till four if they want...

[aloha]

But never their own baby to hold, MI, or a child holding your face in little starfish hands and kissing you madly, or running down the corridor when you come home saying 'Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!'

[motherinferior]

It's only 'empty' if you want/ed kids. They don't. They have full, interesting, fulfilled lives. They have fun. Holidays. Nice clothes. Waistlines.

[Dinosaur]

My sister has horse and dog substitutes and signs Christmas and birthday cards from them as well as from her and her DH. I wish she wouldn't do, it makes me want to cry .

[aloha]

I wouldn't want to stay up until 4am kids or no kids, frankly. I'd probably be in bed earlier with a novel.

[motherinferior]

Well, that doesn't fry everyone's onion.

[aloha]

I feel I've done all that though. Travelled all over, wardrobe stuffed with Whistles and Prada, dinner in Notting Hill on a whim etc etc but I ALSO have children. And middle aged spread happens to the childfree too!

[Dinosaur]

Yes, that's a bit like how I feel (not the Whistles and Prada, but the other stuff) - it palled after a while.

[expatinscotland]

No, I don't know anyone who is childfree by choice who feels empty or sad. Quite the opposite.

I don't feel sorry for them because all the ones I know very actively chose not to have any children and never wanted any.

I do feel sorry for their parents - no grandkids - but then maybe they are the type of parents who don't care.