Feeling cr*p........just left DS3 to scream himself to sleep...........

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

again as I couldn't get him to settle any other way. Sometimes he'll fall asleep (quietly) on his own in the carrycot, sometimes he'll fall asleep drinking his milk, sometimes we have to walk round the room holding him for a while and he drops off to sleep then we put him in the carrycot (sling doesn't work as he gets too snuggly and wakes up as soon as we try and put him down).

He didn't want to settle on his own, he didn't want any more milk (breast or bottle), he didn't need winding, and he didn't just want a cuddle. I walked round the room for 15 minutes and he kept nearly falling asleep but then not,and my arms were so sore I thought I'd drop him so had to put him down.....and he's finally fallen asleep after about 10 minutes of screaming.

When DH gets him settled he NEVER has to leave him to cry, always managed to get him to sleep with no tears.......so why the hell can't I????

[clutteredup]

remember sometimes babies cry because they're tired don't beat yourself up, its fine to let them cry.

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

yes I know - but how come DH never has to resort to just leaving him to cry but I do???

[silverfrog]

agree with clutteredup - sometimes, all you can do is let them cry. Especially if they are tired. Dd2gets to this point if very overtired, and tbh if I stay with her all she does is fight sleep and cry, so its easier to retreat a little and let her have some space to relax. She is 23 weeks.

Hope you feel a bit better soon

[silverfrog]

x-posts. Maybe you're more interesting so ds3 is desperate to stay awake with you

[clutteredup]

dh probably puts your ds down sooner than you do, and probably ds would rather snuggle with you more than dh....think of yourself as parent of preference irritating but touching

[Mindles]

I read that it can be easier for the father to settle a baby to sleep because the father doesn't smell of milk. Maybe it's that?

[clutteredup]

x posted with silverfrog, i agree

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

cluttered - he'll walk round the room for AGES, much longer than my arms can cope with, and keep doing it for as long as it takes for him to sleep.

Mindles - do you think that could still be an issue even though he only has 1 breastfeed a day?

And as for parental preference.....I walk in the room and say something (while DH is holding him) and he doesn't bat an eyelid, DH walks in the room (when I'm holding him) and says something the head turns, the eyes are darting around trying to find him etc etc etc (but that doesn't suprise me the older DS's are Daddy's boys too).

I just want to be able to settle him to sleep without letting him cry like that

[clutteredup]

close all possible adjoining doors, go downstairs, put on some music,tv,radio, get youself a cup of tea and don't strain to hear the noise, honestly it's fine your ds will be just fine, don't worry, cut yourself some slack

[Mindles]

To be honest I'm not sure, I forget where I even read it. But I would think so (I don't know how milk production works) but surely the milk doesn't just appear out of nowhere when baby's ready for a feed? I would have thought that your breasts continually have milk/milk production going on at some level even for one feed a day.

[BandofMothers]

tbh, if you carry him around the room, then he will always need carrying around the room. If you let him cry every now and again, he will learn how to put himself to sleep, which is an important skill to learn.
Wont hurt him and then you can just pop him in and off he'll go.
At least in theory.

How old is he btw?

[Mindles]

But agree with clutteredup about calming down! A cup of tea in a room where you can't hear him - sheer bliss! He'll be asleep when you go back to look.

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

BoM - he's 10 weeks old.

He doesn't always need carrying around, sometimes he'll fall asleep on his own (without crying) in the carrycot, and sometimes he falls asleep mid drinking his milk. I don't mind the carrying round but I do hate leaving him to scream like I did when DH never has to resort to it

[LucyJones]

How about taking him out in the pushchair in the afternoons and leaving him to sleep in the garden once he's dropped off?

[BandofMothers]

yeah 10 wks is a bit young to leave to cry IMO.

If DH's stamina is better re the carrying around, let him do it. Or could you rock him while sitting or is he onto that one??

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

LJ - I do sometimes go out in the afternoons, but I can't leave him in the garden asleep as I can't get the pushchair round there [frown]

BoM I DO let him do it (infact when I'm tiring he'll whisk DS3 out of my arms) ......when he's here - but he's at work from lunchtime until around 9.30pm 5 days a week.

He's WELL onto the rocking while sitting, I let my left bum cheek touch the sofa yesterday and he started howling - stood up and he stopped.

[clutteredup]

I suppose 10 weeks is a bit young, but i had to on several occasions when dd2 was that young, doing the whole bedtime routine for 3dc on my own, i just had to put her down while i sorted other 2 out , she cried for a while and went off to sleep. hv said this was ok. later i felt bad about it, so tried to feed her to sleep, while bathing other 2, now trying to wean off the feeding to sleep and having to go back to letting her cry herself to sleep....so I guess I'm not the best to ask really.....not sure i'm doing it right anyway...dh hardly around to help during the week so i have to just do what works...dd2 seems happy enough so i think youjust haveto do what suits you.

[bubblagirl]

hi i can fully understand the thing is they are used to having mummy and are genuinly more in contact with mummy i was told to get daddy to do bedtime routine but he works long hours so i used to do a special mummy and baby time id take him onto my bed no tv just him and me some soft music we'd cuddle id sing and id read then i'd do feed and gently rock untill dozed it worked an di did this up untill he was about 9 mths a really enjoyed the special wind down time bath before bed too

they can sence when they are about to leave mummy but it helped settle him just thought id give a tip it also helps you relax too incase it doesn't go as planned as they do pick up on anxiety good luck your doing nothing wrong my son still prefers mummy to daddy when it comes to settling but plays me up but not daddy lol

[bubblagirl]

i started a routine at 8 wks with my son kept everything same time and put him down with soft music on so had back noise and just left him he did cry for short amount of time but became used to routine

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

well he's just woken up - so I'm off to give him some milk (tempted to stick him on breast but know that will end us up back where we were 45 minutes ago lol) and then do some housework.....had great plans for the day but I've been plahing Mahjong online in my freetime so far

[BandofMothers]

Isn't it irritating when they cry cos you sit down!!!
It's tricky, I did crying with regular 5 min crying at about 5 mths, so you're not far off. If he falls asleep after not long of crying then I would say it's fine, if it's half an hour, not so good.
You know him best.

DD2 actually falls asleep faster if I leave the room, despite crying. If I stay she gets hysterical.

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

BoM - usually it's no more than 5-10 minutes of crying. After 15 minutes I've usually recomposed myself enough to go back and start the whole routine again......(he's dozed off again - no crying this time)

[BandofMothers]

I'd say 5 - 10 mins is fine, esp if it's not turn purple screaching at top of lungs.

Sounds like he's getting the hang of it. He did it just now
Also remember it's something they haveto learn like rolling over and crawling.
They don't know how to do it when they're little.

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

QoQ whispers very quietly that she thinks DS3 is currently asleep/settling himself to sleep with no crying.........but that she daren't go downstairs to check just yet as the floor is creaky

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

well he's still asleep now. Tried to explain to DH how I was feeling but he didn't quite "get it".