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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

would you tell someone else's child off?

29 replies

wannaBe · 13/07/2007 13:26

if they were picking on your child and encouraging others to do the same and their parent didn't say anything?

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mumblechum · 13/07/2007 13:27

definitely, though I'd go about it carefully.

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FluffyMummy123 · 13/07/2007 13:27

Message withdrawn

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brimfull · 13/07/2007 13:28

yes,and speak to the parent

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Rantmum · 13/07/2007 13:28

I would probably say something like "that wasn't a very nice thing to say/do!" and leave it at that, but I am quite reticent about telling other people's lo's off - do hate it when parents don't intervene themselves though.

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stressteddy · 13/07/2007 13:28

I would definitely tell them off. I have no qualms about this whatsoever.

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Kbear · 13/07/2007 13:28

definitely would, in a charming non-confrontational way, as is my wont.

If that had no effect I would use my mummy-tiger GGGGGRRRRRROWL. That never fails!

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Rantmum · 13/07/2007 13:30

If a child has been physical with ds I have told the parents about it in the past though. Saying something like, "sorry, you probably didn't notice, but your lo just hit mine, quite hard, just thought that you would like to know what happened".

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Desiderata · 13/07/2007 13:30

I'd have no qualms, personally. Children are a member of society, as are you. Things need to be handled carefully, of course, but if the parents aren't going to say anything, then it's your ballgame, as far as I'm concerned.

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PetitFilou1 · 13/07/2007 13:32

Oh yes and in fact did yesterday. My two were playing in the water play area in the park yesterday. Dd was plainly the youngest there (at nearly 2) - a horrible little girl of probably about 6 was blatantly kicking water at her on purpose. It was really nasty behaviour. Her mother wasn't there though only the nanny, who wasn't paying a blind bit of attention.

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SSSandy2 · 13/07/2007 13:32

well it isn't a great thing to do maybe but I did, yes.

Thing is what message are you giving to your own dc in that situation if you don't?

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helenelisabeth · 13/07/2007 13:33

I would feel like strangling any child picking on mine and encouraging others to do the same! I would definitely tell the parents to sort their child out, but diplomatically of course.

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wannaBe · 13/07/2007 13:34

ah excellent. here's what happened..

in park this morning with ds and his friends, all playing nicely together until another girl, who i vaguely know started to join in. She's not a pleasant child but they seemed to be playing ok. then ds got upset at something and she said something to him and then said to ds friends "we're not playing with him, come on, let's all leave him out and not talk to him". to which I said "that's not a very nice thing to say is it? I think we can all play nicely?", and about two minutes later her grandmother, who hadn't said anything suddenly called over "excuse me, but don't you tell her off, she hasn't done anything and it's my job to decide whether she needs telling off not yours". Friend who was there as well promptly told her that what she'd said wasn't very nice though and that she would have done the same regardless of whose child it was. it was left at that.

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Wisteria · 13/07/2007 13:34

If they're in my house they are treated the same as my children, more difficult when we were out but I would look for the mother and if there was no response then I would gently say something - have to be sooo careful tho'.

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Enid · 13/07/2007 13:34

yes I really got cross with a child that bit dd2 on the ear once

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stressteddy · 13/07/2007 13:35

A few years ago whilst on holiday someone's child was being obnoxious. Very rude and very physically rough. I left it for ages because his parents were watching and I thought they would tell him off. After about 30 mins when they had still done nothing I called the boy over and said" come here, I want a word with you". His Mum then said "it's alright I'll deal with it"
I answered "Yes, but you haven't have you?" I then told the boy not to do it again and he didn't. I didn't shout. I said it very calmly and quietly

Think he was scared to death!!

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Enid · 13/07/2007 13:36

once they invade your child's space then their actions have consequences

absolutely fair enough to tell them off if they are being vile

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fingerwoman · 13/07/2007 13:40

yes, I would and have told other people's kids off.
I would expect other people to tell my son off if he was misbehaving and I was otherwise indisposed

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wannaBe · 13/07/2007 13:42

exactly Enid. would expect someone to do the same if it were my child and I hadn't got there first, although hopefully they wouldn't have to as I wouldn't stand for that kind of behavior.

Said child then moved on to my friend's dd, telling her how much nicer her hair was than her/how much better she could climb up the climbing frame/how the teacher had told her on her home visit that she was going to be the cleverest etc.

an altogether not pleasant child with an attitude that is apparently encouraged by her mother according to friend who knows her mum.

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Oblomov · 13/07/2007 13:43

Yes, and I wouldn't mind if someone told ds off.

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helenelisabeth · 13/07/2007 14:07

My child is far from perfect and yesterday I caught her pulling tongues at another child in a play centre (the other child's back was to me so couldn't see if she had first done it to my DD) but I told DD to come to me and told her if I saw her do it again, I would take her home. I would die if she said anything like what this child you encountered was saying, wannaBe, she would get marched right off that playground.

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TheChamberofCarrots · 13/07/2007 14:11

DD said her friends mum told her to say sorry to her (friend) yesterday, when I asked why she said she was 'a little bit mean to her on the monkeybars'. I said Ok.

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Mung · 13/07/2007 14:12

It is tough when you are out, as you can never be sure what the parents are like. Often a vile child is like that for a reason.

In my home I once really told a boy off infront of his Mum when I found him dragging my DS up the hallway by his hood. I had no qualms about it and if the mother had commmented I would have asked her to leave with the son (who is always laying into one of the groups kids).

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Tortington · 13/07/2007 14:13

yes

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FillydoraTonks · 13/07/2007 14:15

yes

but i wouldn't label a kid of this age as "pleasent" or "unpleasent" really. they are very little.

They are just displaying behaviour that needs correcting.

I do have repeated problems with local CMs for this though. They meet up at the park and their mindees roam the joint, picking on anyone a head smaller than them, while they sit gossiping. they really are vile.

OTOH I know which CMs to avoid.

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MilaMae · 13/07/2007 14:15

Yes definately and would expect other people to do the same. It really helps children understand mummy is not nagging/telling off for the hell of it.

I've been nagging mine for not saying good morning back as they go into pre-school for ages. Very rude. One of the staff gave one a little reprimand about it and they now chirp good morning back brilliantly. Far more effective than me.

It's real life out there and as long as it's done with care it teaches them some good life lessons.