How do you tell your dc off?

[SpacePuppy]

For example, I tell my ds to leave the printer alone (he already broke one) and then he likes my reaction so much he does it again.

So I'm a wimp and don't want to shout and say no all the time, but this morning I was busy elsewhere and I could hear him at the printer, so I walked to the room, gave him a hardy stare and told him you know you're not supposed to be playing with the printer (while pointing my finger at him). I then picked him up and put him in the hallway and closed the door to the study. He was a bit upset ( not really crying more irritated with loosing a "toy")I walked away to my room and carried on getting ready, he then just went into the lounge, found a toy and came waltzing into my room, when he saw me he had a look of

[SpacePuppy]

.

[rebelmum1]

that sounds about right to me, i find physical removal works well. I'm fairly crap tho and hate disciplining.

[newlifenewname]

Yes, that sounds excellent. You might want to try managing the time out a little more so that he is clearer about when he can come back, giving a clear explanation as to why he is having time out too. At 19 months though this sounds fine and it's working isn't it?!

[rebelmum1]

Oh and give a warning - that gives them a chance to stop - i say this is your warning leave the cat alone or I'll ..

[rebelmum1]

my dd now says 'but i'm just playing..'like it's all innocent (the cat will have hair grips on it's tail and ears)

[SpacePuppy]

I'm just concerned that I'm not getting my point across, how do you give them time out at this age? I feel that I can do the telling off and removal, but it doesn't stick, he has the memory of an elephant and even after a 3 hour nap will go straight back to the thing he was told to leave alone. I've tried the ignoring bad behaviour thing, dh thinks the fact that ds is getting a reaction is making it into a game for him so how do you counteract that, or do they grow out of it?

[FrannyandZooey]

Easier to just keep the study closed if you aren't supervising him. At 19 months children do have an idea of what is allowed and what is not allowed, but they don't yet have much self-control to resist temptation. He isn't being naughty, just curious. I think moving him into another room and saying "please don't play with the printer" is fine, but I wouldn't make a big discipline issue of it or get cross, if you can avoid it.

[frances5]

At 19 months its not surprising. He is a baby and distraction is the way forward or baby proofing the house.

Prehaps you need to put the printer behind a baby gate to something similar.

With my five and half year old I stand some chance of reasoning with him. It is much easier to get an older child to play nicely on their own with their OWN toys.

Prehaps you need to give your baby more attention than the computer.

[FrannyandZooey]

Too young for time out at this age and not a great technique anyway IMO

just keep on explaining what you want him to do and what you don't want him to do, and gradually it will start to improve, as he matures and becomes more able to control his own impulses.

[SpacePuppy]

FrannyandZoey, that has been my attitude and approach up to now, I think I'm just not trusting that it is enough, I don't want to create a problem later in life because I missed a crucial disciplinary type behaviour at this age. Do I sound confused or just paranoid?

[FrannyandZooey]

"Prehaps you need to give your baby more attention than the computer"

that was uncalled for I think

[FrannyandZooey]

Trust yourself SpacePuppy

you're doing it RIGHT

stop watching all those daft discipline programmes on the TV, and ignore your MIL as well

Children learn through example, explanation, trust, and wanting to please you

don't start poxy time out / naughty step kind of crap - treat them with respect and build on your good relationship

family life should be about helping one another not punishing and getting in control

[wishingfourgotone]

I give my dd 1yo a warning then move her
Now i will say if .......... you touch that again i will move you.
or im going to count too two and if youve not moved i will strap you in puschair!
She has started saying two after ive said one! or she laughs and im terrible if anyone laughs it starts me off!

[SpacePuppy]

I agree that 19 months is not old enough to reason with him, but he understands certain commands, for instance, to help pick up toys and putting them away, he is a darling with these types of things, but the minute I tell him off on things that are off limits it becomes a game where he pushes his luck. I'm concerned that I'm missing something in how I'm handling it. Although all precautions has been take to child proof the house, every now and then the study door is left open (again this was one recent example)...don't even ask, but my dining-room chairs are all stacked on top of the table.

[SpacePuppy]

Thanks FrannyandZoey I think my approach has been similar to your suggestions, I firmly believe to treat him with respect and not to undermine him in what is working in his world, so I allow him to experiment, and only if it doesn't work I offer to show him how to do things. He is very good at figuring things out, but I guess I'm currently feeling that I'm trying to fight with a part of his personality that I actually like, he is a great teaser and love the attention that comes from it, I will persist with just removing him from the "off limits" things until he can really understand why.

[SpacePuppy]

thanks everyone

[newlifenewname]

Franny you are taking the common, over-simplified interpretation of Time Out and criticising it as poxy. I vehemently disagree with you on this.

Time Out is a tool for peace, space, respect and harmony. It is NOT a punishment and in its most negative form a consequence.

[juuule]

Imo Franny is spot on with this. Take Franny's advice, Spacepuppy, and keep on doing what you're doing.

[FrannyandZooey]

NLNN I think the important thing is how the child perceives the time out

a 19 m old IMO is not going to understand that this is a tool for respect and harmony

they are going to experience it as a punitive removal from their beloved parent, no more, no less

I could possibly take on what you are saying for an older child, but not for a 19 month old

[FrannyandZooey]

and SpacePuppy with respect, it isn't your ds's fault that the chairs are all stacked up etc

all the spaces that he can get to should be reasonably safe for him, or you should supervise at all times

he isn't old enough to remember what was said last time he did it, and control himself enough to follow your instructions not to do it again

not every time, not age 19 m o

in effect if you punish this behaviour, you are punishing him for being a toddler

[whatisthis]

It is certainly the case that whatever 'techniques' one uses to deal with this kind of thing, it will be a case of repeat, repeat, repeat.

Time Out works really well as breathing space even for 1 year olds I find. I've tried it with lots of children.

Juulle, and ignore newlife's? Sorry if I am being grumpy but that felt a little pointed.

[FrannyandZooey]

Is that you NLNN? I didn't read Juuule's post as getting at you. I am interested in hearing your ideas and sorry that you feel grumpy or ignored.

[whatisthis]

Ignore me. Well, don't ignore me about time out entirely, I do actually believe that it is a really useful tool for even quite small childrem. But ignore my grumpiness. I am tired and annoyed about email thing.

When LOs start asserting themselves as early as 9 months sometimes, they get frustrated. A perceptive parent can use time out before things get to this stage oftentimes and this gives both parent and child some breathing space as well as alerting the child to patterns in behaviour and consequences. They start to recognise things in themselves given the opportunity to literally take time out.

That's my view anyhow.

[whatisthis]

and yes, is 'me'

[SpacePuppy]

The chairs on dining room table is actually a big laugh , he only went and got something else to stand on and climbed onto the table again. I've found that if I remove the chairs for about 3 days he looses interest, as the value is only the attention he gets, even if it is a telling off. However, I do put them down again and it takes a few days before he starts again...can't really lock that in a cupboard, but for his own safety I've resorted to this, he sometimes gets on there when no-one is watching.

I think that my instinct is telling me that my actions will teach him more than what I can explain to him in words. So a firm consequence seems to work, funny I've noticed this afternoon that he went and closed the study door of his own accord, I think he didn't like the fact that I was stern with him this morning, and sorts of chastise himself by keeping away from the computers through actually closing the door. So I don't know if I'm imagining it, but he has learned that the study is off limits. He is allowed in here when one of us is around, but not on his own.