Do you think your age affects your parenting?

[cryingoutloud]

I only ask because I am 28 and pregnant with my third child. I am degree educated, own my own home and car, I planned to have my childrn youngish so how did the doctor at my surgery manage to make me feel about 15 living at home with my parents.

She asked about my other children in such a way as to make me feel like'she's got nothing better to do than pop out children'. What has been the experience of other MNers?

[TheArmadillo]

Age doesn't affect how you parent (imo) its more personality, your children's personality and experiences, beliefs etc.

But your dr sounds rude nad condescending. SHe probably treats everyone like that.

I've never been treated badly cos of my age by professionals, but have sometimes by other parents (especially those who are much older than me). Its more a reflection of them and how they treat other people than anything else.

Don't let it get to you. YOu can be a good parent (or indeed a shite one) at any age.

[ChasingSquirrels]

I think it does, I think you would parent differently at 18 to say 36 - but different doesnt mean that either is good or bad.
ignore the gp and think up some good replies for if they do it again.

[hotbot]

2nd rthe armidillo,,, i am 36 and had my first, conversely some people can be very ageist imo its no-ones business when yuo decide to reproduce.. so there

[TheodoresMummy]

Sounds like a silly cow of a doctor to me .

Just for arguements sake - so what if a person doesn't have anything better than to pop out children ? So long as they can look after them well, I don't think it makes anyone less worthy of respect.

[lulumamasmentee]

is your doctor my doctor, when I went in to confirm my 2nd pregnancy etc she said "god you young girls your like conveyor belts when you get going"

I'm 23 and it was only my second

sorry your doc sounds like an arse to

[nightshade]

at twenty eight i don't think you are exactly a schoolgirl mother!

i do think age affects your parenting however. i definitely wouldn't have been ready for my first child at 16 but was so at 33.

[cryingoutloud]

I had my first at 26 and I am now nearly 29. We decided to have the children close together with the hope that they will all be close and because I felt like I wanted to devote this time to them but did not want to do it over a long period of time. Like has already been said you do what works for you and your family.

I feel like I am mature enough to handle the responsibility (most of the time) but feel belittled when I am treated as a child.

Sorry for the justification but that just what you start to do in these types of situations.

[lucyellensmum]

your doctor sounds like the old hag of a midwife i saw when i was pregnant with DD1 (i was 19 and a single parent). She said to me, now you are going to sort out your contraception when you have had this child, only to turn to her colleague and say"i get so sick of these young girls getting pregnant by load of different fathers" at 19 i was too niave and upset to defend myself. Let me tell you i would have dragged her across the coals by her hair if she said that too me now.

I do think age makes a difference. I had my first when i was 19 my second at 35. I am a much better parent now, i work harder at it and im less selfish.Saying that, I find it much much harder this time around. I dont seem to remember stressing about development milestones and organic food the first time around and when, just WHEN do i stop being so tired???? I did live with my parents for the first year of DD1s life and they were always looking after her so i could work and go to uni.

So if you happen to be the old bitch of a midwife i saw 17 years ago, i Did go on to have another child 15 years later to a man that effectively took over as DD1s dad when she was two! I went on and got a degree and phd so i dont think i exactly turned out how you predicted so (poking tongue out and waggling finger emoticon), i have to say all my other experiences with midwives have been positive though.

[Gig]

Depends what she said- there's no excuse- but maybe you would have felt better if you had managed to put her politely in her place.

That is the one thing I have learned about age- regardless of whether it's about parenting or anything- it's being able to speak your mind politely instead of fuming after the event.

[Mog]

Do people who have children young not feel tired? I just think everyone does in the early years.
i had children older and I was very aware of my rights and went with the attitude that the doctors and midwives were there to facilitate me and not direct me. Don't know if I would have had the confidence when I was younger.

[lucyellensmum]

Mog, i really dont know maybe i have just got a selective memory

[Rachmumoftwo]

I had my children in my mid twenties and was very tired! I still am.
Some (or should that be many) health professionals seem to make most mums feel they are getting it wrong, whether it is being 'too young', or 'too old', having baby too warm, or underdressed, overfeeding, underfeeding, or just being generally rubbish! And never say you're feeling tired or less than happy in front ogf one. IME they jump on that with almost vulture like glee! Ignore them, it's just their way. I'm sure some of them are very nice, I just didn't meet them.

[Sakura]

Yes, I think it does.
Im working through some childhood issues at the moment and its really difficult. Im wondering whether Im going through it now <span class="italic">because</span> Ive married and have a baby and dont want the shit to continue in DDs life or whether I would be working these things out in my 20s anyway. I think its because I actually have a baby that Im doing it but I dont think Id have been capable of doing this mental jump to a healthier life say 5 years ago (Im 26 now- God help my daughter if sheD have been born 5 years ago!). So I do think the older the mum is, perhaps the more "sorted out" she is mentally, but thats not a general rule of course. Its just that she`s had more time to sort herself out.

Because of my past I really strongly want to carry out attachment parenting, which is very physically demanding. I think child-rearing is much more physical anyway than I ever imagined, so I think that would make a difference if I was 10 years older or so. but a lot of later starting mums say their stamina has improved with age and I can believe that.

[Flum]

Well I am oldish I guess at 34 and I am very impatient with them at times. Although if I was younger I would probably be even more impatient with them as I would want to be going out t'disco instead or something. Whereas now I just want to chill out and watch Anthea Turner Perfect Housewife.

[Sakura]

The reason I want to carry out attachment parenting is because (like most neglected kids) the pendulum has swung the other way a bit with me. Im conscious of not responding to DD, but I realise that I have to work on the fact that I dont need to be there for her all the time. (Although she`s only 9 months)

[elkiedee]

Maybe she's like that to everyone. I'm getting sick of being made to feel old all the time for the first time in my life - I'm 37, 38 on Saturday, first baby born at the beginning of May. I can see pros and cons to having children at different ages. Maybe I should have done it younger but I'm not sure I was ready at that stage in my life.

[LoveAngel]

I think age obviously CAN affect your parenting (a 16 yr old and a 40 yr old are bound to bring drastically different things to their 'parenting' (I don;t know why, but I hate that word...but anyway, enough of my weirdness!)...

However, personality, experience, temperament, enviornment & how much support you have - all these are much more important factors, imo.

That midwife sounds incredibly rde and patronising. What makes any professional person think they have a right to make judgements in the course of doing their job? Pisses me off.

[LoveAngel]

meant to say 'personal judgements'

[allgonebellyup]

i do think it affects your parenting -well it did for me..
had my dd when i was 19, and then had ds at 24.
when i had my dd i was still very much into seeing my friends and going out about twice a month, and kind of putting myself first.
Like the OP, i have a degree (studied for this when my dcs were little),and own my own home and car (not that material possessions actually matter here!!).

However i always used to get talked down to by health visitors/midwives, and it used to piss my mum off as she couldnt believe how patronising they were to me, in front of her too.

i would say i have got less selfish as ive got older, and try to put my dcs first, whereas when i was 19-24ish i really just wanted to think about myself. im still a little selfish now, really, but am working on it!

[SueBaroo]

I'm 30 and I started having children when I was 23. I'm quite a strict parent, and I'm fairly odd in my age-group for that, it seems to be more the older mothers who do that. But that's just anecdotal of course, not a hard and fast rule.

I've had plenty of rude comments about having 4 children in 6 years. And I had miscarriages in that time. Some people just don't have their brain connected to their gob, doctors included.

[cryingoutloud]

In all fairness I do think that age is a factor in your parenting style (as well as many other things). But what I object to is the judgemental attitude of the GP. She felt that it was ok to speak to me like that. However, I do agree that I should of put her right (politely) but then I feel like I'm having to defend myself to someone who is incidental in my life. But here I am giving this GP air time on MN. Weird!!

I struggle like a lot of women, to believe in my own decisions. I still care too much about what others think. I am going to be caring for my children, not her or the state. So why do I care because I do. Sad but true.

I would love to have a daughter but I am often scared of passing on this same legacy of self doubt.