naughtystep,glad breastfeeding worked out in the end for you.I take my hat off to you for persevering.Wish i'd been as 'anal' about it.Also had confusing midwife advice,and now if i had another,think i would be inclined to listen to my instincts more,rather than so-called proffesionals!..thanks for sharing that.
you do sound a bit more swayed in the direction of going for another,more than i am,despite your rough babyhood experience.If you are still even 'considering' another after going through all that,then that suggests to me that you must really want one.
I got off 'lightly' with babyhood and yet,i still can't decide.It's mainly the effect of my tiredness on DD now that i worry about,if i had another,and my patience and of course if things turn out more complicated than i expect.Guess,it's easier to decide on the first as we're blissfully naive to parenthood and one is better than none,so guess we didn't have anything to lose then.
Now,our relationship with first child is at stake and it's so hard balance what's best for them as well as what is right for you.
I suppose DD would benefit in some ways,but even many of the benefits are not guaranteed,like anything in life.
I wonder if i'm dragging my feet,because i still have time on my side,although i don't really want to go beyond 35 for pregnancy,although i know it worked out for you and a lot of others.Will i panick too when i get to 35 plus?,that's what worries me!.Do you think you might be swayed more because of the biological clock thing and the fact that'because you probably think you could get pregnant,then you should.I wonder if that's the case with me.Think i should,simply because i can,like my body's potential is wasted if i don't utilise it?!
Of course my main question is -do i actually want another child-notice i say child ,because up until today,i keep saying baby and of course if you say that,you only tend to visualise pregnancy,birth,bad bits of babyhood e.t.c. instead of looking to the long term.Like someone said in a post,babyhood doesn't last long in the great scheme of things i suppose and so i am going to try a different angle,like 'how much would i enjoy seeing a relationship between my kids(as an only i don't see this as crucial-plus the other evidence given by many on these latest threads suggests that too).How would i cope with a toddler again and a 7-10 year old,would i mind having 2 teenagers!!.I am quite aware that 2 kids wouldn't guarantee extra company/support when i'm old-they'll have their own lives.
Wouldn't want to burden either of them.
Also like another poster said,think how much fun you would have over the coming years.
Maybe,it might be easier looking at what you definately DON'T want for yourself. Suppose,if you know you definately want to work x number of hours and you don't want to put it on hold for another x years,or if you have big plans for your first-born like private school e.t.c. and you know a second child would put that to rest,or you would be in big trouble financially/support wise if you had a second,or 'DEFINATELY' medically worse off,or not enough room in house and no chance of upgrading.I guess the big one is supoort and family time for me.If my husband had to work any more than he does now to support a bigger family,then that would be my idea of hell,because he'd be at work more and i'd buckle under the strain!Maybe concentrate on the definates and not what you 'might' gain from having two.Because,again,what someone else said,there are too many what if's.
I'm coming to the conclusion,that there is no perfect family and situation and whatever i choose,there will be pros and cons.Guess it's just which cons can i endure/prefer?!,which can i LIVE WITH.
I do believe that the child will adjust(eventually!),to whatever you choose.Whether they will thank you later,again sounds like 50/50 chance..so that's why i can't keep worrying about how it will be in future for DD..because we don't know.Parents who say they don't want their only to be lonely,are
seeing it through their own experience,they PERSONALLY found it better to have a sibling so they want to take the gamble of at least providing one.But in my case,haven't had,so don't miss!,onlies adjust and end up self-efficient/reliant in the process!
You sound like me,as you worry about 'never' doing it and possibly regretting later.I suppose,if we have those thoughts,then maybe
we will regret it later if we don't.Many people say they don't regret having the child once it comes along.Then again,there are many things in life we don't do,and we just accept that in the end and have to get on with life as difficult as it is not to regret,all in all it's pointless and soul destroying,like guilt..maybe we need to learn how to diminish those negative feelings instead!...another approach is
just living for today and if you feel excited about the prospect of another,more than worry and dread,i guess that tells you.ME...it's more worry and dread,although if i found out i was pregnant,would i get excited..who knows!
bet iv'e confused you now.sorry to ramble,just wanted to share it with you,and let you see your'e not the only confused one.
I don't think i'm selfish,just very sensible,considerate and selfless in regards to DD and D...so neither are you!!
good luck.