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Anyone else stopping at one?

13 replies

LaBoheme · 25/06/2007 15:39

I have always known from a young age that I only wanted one child. Everyone told me I would feel differently after my first, however after having DD 6 months ago, I adore her, she is the light of my life, and I still feel like this is it for me. DH is totally happy with this decision too.

I realise we will have to work harder on having friends over and getting her "socialised" as much as poss, also the toy sharing thing and not giving too much attention or spoiling is something I am aware of, other than this I don't feel like DD will be missing out on much, quite the reverse in fact.

I know I am probably very much in the minority, everyone from my NCT class is talking about their second already!
I have no strong views on couples who want lots of children, good for them. I just wondered if there were any others out there who have the same views I do....

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plus30 · 25/06/2007 17:13

Hi Laboheme
I started a very similar post to yours just a short while ago (Is it selfish to have one child). My daughter is 21 months and like you, I adore her, but I'm not sure I want anymore. If I'm totally honest I didn't really enjoy the whole pregnancy thing (although it was happy and healthy compared to some peoples experiences!) and my daughter was born by emergency C section. I'm certainly not broody and nor is my husband but we're both worried that she is going to be lonely when she gets a little bit older.

We're concious of making sure she has lots of opportunities to socialise and like you are aware of her learning the importance of sharing. In short I don't have any answers for you but thought it worth dropping you a note to say you are not alone in your thinking!

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jo25 · 25/06/2007 17:26

We are the same as you, we have one gorgeous ds, he is 4.8. He is very sociable and generous and never has a problem sharing toys, our situation is a little different to yours in the sense that ds has a few medical conditions, one which requires frequent surgery. We felt it unfair to knowling put another child through all this, we were aware of the potential of ds issues but not until 20 weeks. even if we had known before nothing would be done about it (as the hospital suggested) and we refused any invasive or definitive tests. The only thing we notice about our ds is the fact he thinks he to is an adult!! but that just adds to his deliousiness and charm! he is great and i don't ever think he will have problems being an only child. Everyone is always asking about our next one and telling me i will change my mind, but i believe that once you have made that decision then you wont ever change it. Its not an easy thing to decide, but i see no wrong in it.

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DrNortherner · 25/06/2007 17:27

Hi I have 1 ds who is 5. We have not decided if we will have any more.

My ds is popular, sociable and confident. I do sometimes worry that he is lonely when it's just dh, ds and I, but then I remind myself that I too was an only child and never felt lonely.

It's a much bigger issue for the parents than the kid I think.

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Pinkjenny · 25/06/2007 17:27

Speaking as a 30 year old only child, I can honestly say that I want 2. However, that isn't due to me feeling scarred or disadvantaged in any way that I didn't have brothers or sisters, more down to the fact that as I haven't personally experienced a sibling relationship, I want to experience it in my own family.

As a child, I was forever being told to 'go and ask that little girl what her name is' by my mum and dad, who ensured that I had lots of friends and didn't spend all my time with them. I honestly think that this has made me extremely confident in social situations, and not easily intimidated.

On the flip side, my relationship with my parents can be a little claustrophobic at times, as we have always been very aware that its just the three of us. My best advice would be to ensure that your child has lots of freedom and is encouraged to be strong and independent.

On the reverse of that point, my relationship with my mum and dad is also wonderful, and a constant source of amazement to dh. I have just had my first baby, and my mum and dad absolutely adore her. Its gorgeous to watch.

Only children can, contrary to popular belief, grow up well balanced and well adjusted (most of the time...) and I am definitely not spoilt in any way.

Hope this helps. x

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Lazycow · 25/06/2007 17:27

I must admit I don't personally feel like this as my only ds is that through lack of choice. However SIL always planned to have one (e ver since she was very young), had one and never changed her mind.

She is now in her 50's with a 30 year old daughter and has absolutely no regrets whatsoever about it. She did come from a fairly poor family of 12 children though so that may have influenced her decision somewhat !

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treacletart · 25/06/2007 17:31

There was a lovely thread in praise of only children a while back here

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macdoodle · 25/06/2007 17:35

I was happy with one however always felt sad for my DD - in my job I see lots of elderly people with one child and it is a lot of pressure on one child to care for elderly parents (very common now days)...my sister is a source of comfort to me and we at least have each other when our mother "misbehaves" which I am sure will become worseas she gets older would not lke to do this alone....for this reason I am glad I am now pregnant with no 2 - am sure my (d)H will be a trial to my DC as he gets older and am glad they will have each other....bit like everything this is a persona choice .

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LaBoheme · 25/06/2007 19:23

Thank-you for all your responses and that lovely link. It is really interesting to hear others thoughts esp as only children. It makes me happy and reassured that some of you feel you are more confident for being so.

I have 2 sisters very much older than me (10/12yrs) so for most of my life I have felt like an only child even though I have siblings, we are not close. So, interestingly, this could be an eventuality of large families too. There is no guarantee they will be the best of buddies.
I do worry about when I grow old this is true, I suppose I'd better be as nice as poss to DD .

I also find this Motherhood lark really, really challenging and tiring and I really don't think I could handle two and be sane -I totally take my hat off to all with more than one. I guess I know my limitations.

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Macdog · 25/06/2007 19:31

dh and I have always said that we would rather have one and have time, money and energy to give that one a happy childhood.

dd has been going to local Mother & Toddler group since she was 9 months old and is now a happy and confident 16 month old.

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HappyMummyOfOne · 25/06/2007 19:34

We only planned the one too and he's now 4 and am happy with the decision we made. I work part-time and so have plenty of time to spend with him doing activities etc. He attends pre-school twice a week to socialise with other children so I have no worries on that score.

Theres no guarantee that siblings get on either when young or in later life.

I do get sick of people asking when the next one will be coming along and the comments I get when i say there will be no more. Its a personal choice and for us the right one.

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happyathome · 26/06/2007 13:34

we have one 5 yr old DD and think that may be it.There's too many cons to having another
for us and we both have been happy onlies ourselves,so know it is a positive experience.I too struggle to see how i would have the energy,patience and enthusiasm for more than one and i am a SAHM -seems a bit wrong to me that though,because in theory ,i should have more time,energy(i'm only 33!) enthusiasm,e.t.c for another and DD full time at school.Just fill up my time mostly with
housework,DD after school,and mumsnetting.Sorry if this makes anyone and all in all quite satisfied with this life.Don't want to complicate things.Am i sad/lazy?!.Wonder if iv'e had it 'too good' for too long now and have become unmotivated to change it,or maybe am i even depressed sometimes(but not always)?.Just that i see other mums with a crowd and think they must go home and have full and meaningful days.Sometimes think though i would love to do the baby stage again,and have all that pleasure of loving/holding e.t.c.,but not sure about toddlerhood years again,very frustrating at times!...sorry to ramble,thanks for listening and starting this thread.
Sticking at one is fine,so long as you are not continually tormented by indecision and
doubts-which i have been for at least 2 years,but if you feel totally happy,then i would stick at one definately.I would have another for MYSELF,not for my DD'S sake,as
that would be healthiest for the whole family i think

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allgonebellyup · 26/06/2007 13:38

i wish i'd stuck to my "i will only ever have one child" promise i made!
well i love my second child like mad, he is a pure joy, but myself i find it a struggle everyday to stop the CONSTANT FIGHTING!

It may not be like this for everyone, loads of people love having 2 or more kids, but its impossible to listen to dd1 reading or help with home work when my ds is screaming in my face "look at me, look at this!!"
(am a newly single parent so nobody to help).

When i only have the one child with me, it is all so peaceful...

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Rochwen · 27/06/2007 14:40

One and no more for me here too.

I had an awful pregnancy (SPD) and I am still two years suffering the after-effects. I never want to go through all of that again.

Also, I am an only child and have never missed not having any siblings. In fact, as a child I could never imagine having to share my parents. I think I am well-adjusted, generous, independent but very sociable so I don't think it's done me any harm, so I think dd is gonna be fine on her own.

Having an only child does have its advantages too:
less expense
no sibling rivalary
no constant fighting
more time for yourself
...and if you hated it too, no more pregnancy and childbirth, yay !

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