I feel so bloody guilty, but at the time I didn't see what else to do.
He wanders off, to put it mildly. And today is market day in my town, and he wandered off to put some rubbish in the bin.
But I totally over reacted, and told him he had to wear the wrist strap - which I do use if we are having a bad day when he won't stay with me.
And when he started screaming NONONO I grabbed his hand and tried to make him put it in the wrist strap.
He absolutely threw one. And I just didn't know what to do.
I tried for about 45 seconds to get a wrist strap onto the wrist of a screaming and furious child, then I stood up, flounced off and left him with my mum.
He is 'borderline', according to the Ed Psych, whatever the f**k that means. Seems to mean 'deal with it'.
Later, after he and I had calmed down, we had a cuddle, I apologised for accidently hurting his finger (although I genuinely think his flailing did that, not me, because I really was careful) and he agreed to put the wrist strap on.
I KNOW I handled that really badly. I KNOW my paranoia caused the whole thing, really. But I also know just how lost a child who wanders can get, and I am in a permenant state of fear that he will just shoot off. I try not to use the wrist strap, but if he is having a wandery day, I have to.
I want to jack this in, I want to go back to work, I am failing badly at this and sometimes I feel I am doing more harm than good. I feel so lost with him sometimes I just want to shake him and scream (although I never would), leave them both with a child minder, and gety a 60 hour a week job. I dread interacting with him, he moves so much, he once knocked over 17 drinks in a day and I was just sobbing by bedtime.
I know I'm a shit, try not to leap on me, tell me what I need to do.
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My paranoia has just caused a major ruckus with my 4 year old.
22 replies
colditz · 16/06/2007 15:22
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