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Had to see Child Protection Officer

12 replies

GooseyLoosey · 14/06/2007 12:11

Ohh God!! I can hardly bring myself to write this I feel so awful.

Collected dcs from nursery and was asked to talk to their child protection officer.

Background: At the weekend, considering we were becomming at times quite a "shouty" house and that ds was doing a few things I didn't like, I decided we would draw up a list of golden rules applicable to all family members. Ds and dd were allowed to pick many of them and they included "no hitting or hurting". In addition, dh and I had an almighty row which was in front of the dcs (wrong I know) - we made up in the afternoon and it is very rare that we argue at all.

Anyway, nursery said that ds had told them that we had to have golden rules at home cos dh hits the dcs and me. To make it clear, dh has never ever lifted his hand to anyone. I have smacked ds twice (and regret doing so) both times an instinctive response to being bitten and have never smacked dd.

Other event that had triggered this was that dd had said that dh had cut up an item of her clothing and I was annoyed by it. So I was, he cut up a vest to put in the bottom of a plant pot to stop woodlice getting in and I thought he should have looked for a bit of old rag - we joked about it for days.

Getting to the point, what concerns me about this is that if nursery regared us a good parents, the second incident should not even have been recorded (and it takes 2 apparently)so they must percieve us as likely to harm our children in some way and secondly, why did ds say that - does he really think that dh is violent (he can be agressive, but never ever violent to any degree) and did we traumatise him with our argument?

What should I do - I feel I have failed them all in some way!!!

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SueBaroo · 14/06/2007 12:26

It sounds like the nursery got the wrong end of the stick and felt it was appropriate to pass on. As long as the Child protection Officer had a modicum of common sense, I wouldn't be overly concerned. Maybe have a chat with ds to see if he can tell you a bit more about the context of the comment.

I don't think you've failed them in the least. You were making a list about how to get along better with each other, it doesn't really come across as something a rubbish parent would do...

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GooseyLoosey · 14/06/2007 13:15

Thanks - just feel so bad about it

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SueBaroo · 14/06/2007 13:18

I would feel pretty bad too, and I completely understand how something like this could make you feel very insecure. Will there be any follow-up, or was the 'little chat' all there was to it?

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BrothelSprouts · 14/06/2007 13:21

It's worth them clarifying what the truth of these stories are.
The title of 'child protection officer' sounds rather scary, but it's good that the nursery is making the safety of the children a priority.
Obviously the issues were groundless in your case, and now they know that.
Must have been worrying at the time, but you haven't failed your children.
Just explain to your children that sometimes grown ups have arguments, just as children do, but that it doesn't mean that you and your DH don't love each other or your children.

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sparklygothkat · 14/06/2007 13:24

I am always worried that the kids will say something to the school and SS will be called. Take last night for example: DD1 was playing up at bedtime, she was standing upstairs shouting. I took her back to bed and settled her down. She then got up and we shouted 'bed' and ignored her. She started saying that we didn't want her anymore DH went up and settled her again. But if she went to the school and said that we didn;t like her or want her then the school could think that we are saying this to her.

Kids eh!!

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GooseyLoosey · 14/06/2007 13:24

Don't think there is any follow up. I did try and explain at the time but was so flustered am not sure how good a job I made of it.

DO you think I should raise it with ds and ask why he said what he said or just leave it? I don't want to make a bid deal out of it with him or make him feel he can't say what ever he wants outside of the house.

I do feel very vulnerable now though and almost as though someone is watching me!

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SueBaroo · 14/06/2007 13:47

I don't think you need to make a big deal out of it if you bring it up. If you do, it can just be a sort of generalized, 'did anything happen at nursery/is anything bothering you' sort of conversation..

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cat64 · 14/06/2007 13:53

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GooseyLoosey · 14/06/2007 15:01

Thanks all - still feel awful though!

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macdoodle · 14/06/2007 15:42

Bloody ridiculous FWIW - and GP's struggle to get SS invlved unless kids in imminent danger - another well paid I suspect useless job aaaagh just ignore it IMO!

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curiouscat · 14/06/2007 15:52

Well it's a shame you've had to go through it, but I'm kind of reassured, you never know some other kids might get protected/life saved etc by snoopy nursery types.

We learned they had notes put in our kids' medical histories when ds fractured wrist in a fall and dd had second urinary infection. Just in case it's the start of catalogue of parent inflicted injuries. No shame in it.

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cat64 · 14/06/2007 21:25

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