Getting more and more paranoid about smothering DS whilst co-sleeping

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Can anyone reassure me that this is very unlikely to happen now that he is nearly 9 months? Despite co-sleeping with DS since 3 weeks, I have started to get a lot more paranoid that I am going to smother him, to the point that I am waking up several times a night to check he is still alive. I keep having dreams that he is dead next to me and I am waking him up checking he is still breathing.

DS sleeps very badly indeed by himself and I love co-sleeping..but this is starting to worry me during the day too now and I need to get a grip.

I did have a cousin who died of cot death at 3/4 months when I was very young, so I have always been aware of it. But the poor thing was in a cot in his own room and there were other risk factors we know about now that we didn't then. Rationally I know that DS isn't just going to lie there whilst I stick the pillow in his face, but he does have a habit of wanting to nestle into my pillow (which I sleep on the last 2" of only, so hardly any of it is near me).

Talk sense into me someone, please.

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Hardly any of the pillow is near DS I mean

[Mumpbump]

Can't quote any statistics, but would have thought it very, very unlikely at this stage. I did read that the risk of cot death peaks between 2 and 4 months as the baby's rate of breathing changes in this period. But I also had dreams of falling asleep bf ds and then waking up convinced I had smothered him inadvertently with a pillow. I know how awful it is.

If it is that worrying, have you considered trying him in a cot next to you? Ds is presently in our room and I can reach out and reassure him if he stirs, but it avoids the worry of him getting smothered. I wouldn't want him co-sleeping with us as (amongst other reasons) dh sleeps heavily and has at least a few glasses of wine every night.

[rowan1971]

I really think you extremely unlikely to smother a 9-month-old. He would soon let you know if you were interfering with his comfort (or, indeed, his airway). It's not like he's a newborn.

I realise that this sounds a bit pat, but have you spoken to the GP about your anxiety levels?

[cornsilk]

I used to worry about this too. I read that the risk increases if either parents smoke or have been drinking. I've also read that in some cultures it's natural for all babies and children to co-sleep. Maybe your memory of your cousin is making you feel even more anxious. Could you speak to your hv or gp to put your mind at rest?

[wheresthehamster]

I remember from when we first started co-sleeping the HV said the only danger is if one of you has been drinking heavily. I took this to mean if you're drunk and you roll on the baby it wouldn't necessarily wake you up and the baby might be suffocated.

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Thanks everyone, it really helps.

At the moment we have a bedside cot arrangement and DS sleeps happily in that until I come to bed. But from then onwards he will hardly ever agree to sleep in it, which would solve the worry problem and we would both sleep better I think. He just wants to be snuggled next to me the whole night I have spoken to DH though and we will try this week to get him to sleep there for most of the night.

My anxiety levels....well I am quite an anxious person unfortunately, always have been, and it's just a case of where the anxiety manifests itself at any given time. There is definitely no point in speaking to the HV, I never see the same one twice and they get progressively more useless - I can just imagine the lecture when they find out we co-sleep (and vegetarian too - I'll probably be put on some sort of list). It doesn't seem serious enough to speak to the GP about though. Maybe if things don't settle down I will speak to him.

The funny thing is that I never worried when DS was tiny, when there was more of a risk. As you all say, instinctively I knew exactly where he was and I was. But now he can move about more he can get himself into less safe positions and I think that is why I worry more.

Anyway, thanks again for the reassurance.

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Quick update - I slept loads better last night and think I only checked DS once so it obviously helped to get it off my chest. Thanks again