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Parenting

being a working mum

11 replies

olliebird · 26/05/2007 21:26

how do I become of working mum of many with lots of help & money? Lots of advice please.

my current situation: am 36 with 2 boys of 6 and 3. ds of 3 starts nursery 4 days per week in sep. My accountant has offered me a flexible job (working from home) doing accounts and will mentor me through accountancy exams. Plan to have aupair plus cleaner from september. Trouble is house not done up cos cash flow probs, dh only earning 10kpa and overspending on all sorts. Also got a buy to let property business (good capital gains but makes losses) and dh refuses to do the maintenance so this takes up lots of my time and is stopping me getting on with my career. DH is out all hours supposedly working and so cant be relied on to do any childcare or domestic work. I am useless at tidying and cleaning - it just depresses me and am starting to get bored of cooking, never have time for gardening. Feel overwhelmed with the two boys - all the continual daily battles to get up, eat , bath, go to bed etc, we would all benefit from the 'fresh arms'- don't have any relations nearby to help and dh always busy. I am good at being mum and love being a mum but useless 'housewife' stuff. I want to have two more children but know the only way I could cope would be to have a nanny and cleaner. I have a spare room for au pair.
Should I borrow money to subsidise the next few years while I train in accountancy? Is this possible to do with out a supportive dh? Am I stupid to think of having more kids if I sometimes feel im not coping with two?

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lisad123 · 26/05/2007 21:31

I would start by telling hubby to pull his socks up and take something for you. If you want to do something, do it. You'll manage, you alway do
L

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TheodoresMummy · 26/05/2007 21:37

have just posted on the other thread olliebird :

What's your DH playing at ?

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olliebird · 26/05/2007 21:44

i know dh behaving badly, we're seeing couple counsellor. I will probably have to seperate, but thats another matter. Do you need a good man to have more than 2 kids and a career?

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TheodoresMummy · 26/05/2007 21:53

Good to hear you are going to couple counsellor. Never managed to get my DH to agree .

Is he a good Daddy ? (from the kids point of view ?)

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1dilemma · 26/05/2007 21:57

When you find the answer please let me know

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Swizzler · 26/05/2007 22:00

Go for it

I'm sure you'll find ways to work round it - you have the big advantage of a potentially supportive employer. If you don't like domestic stuff, earning money so you can pay someone else to do it sounds ideal.

I'd have a word with a financial advisor or maybe the CAB (someone else may be able to suggest other options) as it sounds like your finances are all over the place - some salary, a small business, spending probs. You may need to organise things a little more (not sure how mind you).

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olliebird · 26/05/2007 22:10

theodoresmum - he doted on the babies, but can't cope with boys, looses temper quick and says nasty stuff, v critical. ds of 6 has trouble bonding with him and feels rejected by dad. difficult

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HonoriaGlossop · 26/05/2007 22:13

I certainly wouldn't have two more kids when you don't feel your DH is involved or supporting you with the family you have already got. Having an au pair or nanny sounds all wonderful but what about when they are unreliable, ill, leave all the time and you then have a DH and a nanny you can't rely on and you are potentially stuck in the same position you are now but with 4 kids instead of two.

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HonoriaGlossop · 26/05/2007 22:15

olli,e having just read your last post, it seems totally crazy to have two more kids when he is not a good dad to the ones you have. I'd focus on getting that sorted. It wouldn't be fair to bring more kids in to possibly feel rejected or have nasty things said to them!

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olliebird · 26/05/2007 22:17

yes you're probably right.

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TheodoresMummy · 26/05/2007 22:51

I feel for you olliebird.

My DH has been, and still is to a certain extent, crap. I know that the self respecting thing to do would be to leave him (and with only 1 DS it would be very easy), but it's not that straightforward when I have really thought about it. AND I know I want more children which complicates things further from both POV.

Very important tho - get the money thing sorted. You don't even know what he is doing most of the time. You cannot trust him on this. I have been seroiusly crapped on financially and have now started a (secret)stash along with making sure I know exactly where the money goes.

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