SAHM'S - how much does your dp/dh do?

[cathcart]

half the time i'm doing this and that thinking 'oh, he's been at work all day', then the next minute i'm quietly seething at feeling i do everything.
i don't really, he does a bit of housework on his day off, and baths dd every other night, but i do get days when i think how come he is allowed two days off of his job but mine is 24 hours?

am i being a soft touch? or am i taking for granted that i am the lucky one as i love my job as a full time mummy and wouldn't swap places with him for any money you could offer.

[CantSleepWontSleep]

Not enough.

[joash]

Absolutely everything on his days off. ALso hangs out the washing in a morning, puts on another load if needed, feeds GS and has a general tidy up before he wakes me.

[HenriettaHippo]

Cathcart, you're not being unreasonable, you sound like me, and I'm not unreasonable . It sounds like your DH does do things, and is likely to be pretty receptive to suggestions.

Do you have any time just to yourself? Perhaps a lie in on a Saturday morning, while DH gets breakfast, or an hour or two while he takes her shopping or to the park?My DH did this for ages when we only had DS1, he did the Sainsburys shop or went to the park on a Sat am after giving DS his breakfast. I used to stay in bed, get up when they went and go to an aerobics class. It was just the break I needed, and he got to spend time with DS. After all, being on duty 24/7 52 weeks a year is beyond a full time job...!

Now we've got 2, and just having one of them seems like a break!

[cathcart]

lucky you joash!
Think perhaps I need to start making a bit more time for myself, I know he's quite happy to take dd off for a couple of hours at the weekend.

[Twinmummyx2]

My DP tidies the lounge at the end of the day....occasionaly makes dinner....(only at weekends)....baths little ones sometimes....always does trips to parties.....

He is a kids footie coach for two clubs too, so my boys are with him for that a lot of the time too.

Perhaps he dosen't do enough either...dosen;t look like much when written down.....

..serious thinking this afternoon i think...!

[SueBaroo]

yeah, chat to him, have some time for yourself at the weekend. I have time to myself whenever I need it if it's possible, and it does make a difference.

Dh is doing less now than he was 5 months ago, but he was, quite literally doing everything because of my illness. He baths the kids, and does the ironing as well as all the little DIY jobs. The house is a bit of a tip at the moment as I'm catching up from being unable to do anything, and just getting over PND. When I'm fully recovered, I'll be quite happy to be doing the bulk of the home chores, but that's because I'll have the tribe helping me, too!

[joash]

Thanks Cathcart - took a lot of training. But I think the six months stint he had as a 'house-husband' (hate that term) helped him realise how much has to be done in a day and all with a litle'un in tow.

[joash]

He also does all the dishes after the evening meal. I cook it, we all eat together and then - I've done for the day.

[LazyLine]

My DH all but takes over with DS when he gets home from work until bedtime, including taking him out for a walk and bathing and bed. This is from about 4:30.

We tend to take a lie-in each on the weekend, and he takes DS swimming on Saturday and then out as well sometimes so that I can have time to myself.

He spends so much time with DS that I am happy for him to do less housework. He will happily do stuff if I ask him to.

The key is to be happy with your arrangement, whatever it is. It doesn't matter what other people do, work your chores to your situation. One of you should not be feeling resentful.

[joash]

Tell him you want a day off and take yourself off out with friends or whatever.

[cathcart]

i know what you mean twinmummy! thats the thing, it doesn't sound much, but then when you add in that he goes to work at 6.30am gets home at 4.30 mon - fri - thats why i'm always thinking I should be the one doing everything else!

i was intrested to see what everyone elses does so i can perhaps get off on the right foot with this SAHM thing, i don't want to be running around 24-7 if its not in the job description iyswim

[cathcart]

'The key is to be happy with your arrangement, whatever it is. It doesn't matter what other people do, work your chores to your situation. One of you should not be feeling resentful.'

i know it doesn't matter what other people do, i just wanted reasuring i think!
thanks!

[Twinmummyx2]

yes-very true, my dp works every sat morn til 1 too...he has more energy than i though....up til all hours on the computer etc.....does that mean he could do more???!!!

[PeppermintStick]

Does the washing up most days, also the laundry. Puts ds to bed every night and baths/showers when needed. Helps with larger clean ups at the weekend. Does the meals on a weekend. Puts toys away when he gets home.

Weekends are mine to do with as I wish... just so happens I mostly wish to spend them with dh and ds! DH misses ds too much to not spend loads of time with him on a weekend.

[PartyClown]

Very little during the week, except make school lunches. On the other hand, he has to take care of everything at the week-end when I work.

This does not include washing, cleaning (other than hoovering/tidying) or the like, so I find Monday I'm trying to get the house back in some sort of order. I feel like I work seven days a week....oh wait, I do.

[PregnantGrrrl]

i'm not really a SAHM, i work 4 days a week usually, although i've been off all week.

DP knows where the hoover is and how it works. He's not adverse to getting the washing in. Happily changes DS and helps wash/dress him. Will take a turn at cooking if i say i can't be arsed. Empties and refills the dishwasher on times. And he gets up in the morning with DS and leaves me in bed for a bit.

Most of the time i have to say 'would you mind please...' but only because he really doesn't notice stuff needs doing, and he never complains, he just does it.

[Angeliz]

My dp has started putting the girls to bed alot of the time. He even did all 3 the other night and i went to Makro cause i'm so wild

(Actually felt really odd to be out at 9p.m on me own!!!)

[MuffinMclay]

Bugger all in the week, but he is at work from 6ish until 8/9pm, and away a lot (and I am constantly amazed at how much mess he can make in the few hours he is here). Rarely sees ds in the week, let alone helps.

He is getting much better at weekends, after I've thrown a few wobblies. He would always help if asked, but it never occurred to him to do things just because they need doing. He will empty and fill the dishwasher, water the garden, take ds out for a couple of hours to give me a break, and do all the cooking at weekends (but then that's sort of a hobby for him). He wouldn't know how to us the washing machine, tumble drier, iron, vacuum cleaner etc

I sat him down one day and said that I appreciated that he worked long hours in the week, and wouldn't expect him to do anything much then, but that at weekends we should split things 50/50. Also said I wouldn't consider ttc no 2 until we had got this sorted to my satisfaction - seemed to do the trick. He is now doing much more with ds, freeing me up to do the dull house stuff, but that is fine.

[indiasmum]

really very very little.
he sometimes is back to put kids to bed (but i have got them ready and changed etc)
he irons his work shirt in the morning.
thats it. he thinks he does alot. which is most annoying.

the other day he came home, had tea then was going out again. the next day he said 'did you notice how i did the washing up last night?' what did he expect... a bloody prize?!!!

[Otter]

absolutkey loads all the time he is a star!!

[CantSleepWontSleep]

Am feeling now at how much all your dh's do. Mine does nothing from Monday - Thurs, as he works abroad. He usually gets back whilst dd is having her bath on Thursday night, and will finish bathing her, and give her her bath Fri-Sun.

I haven't had a lie in since she was born (15 months ago), but if I am lucky he will look after dd for an hour once a week/fortnight whilst I have a soak in the bath, though he is resentful about this and always makes me feel guilty.

He'll do stuff like change lightbulbs, and wash up stuff that can't go in the dishwasher at the weekend.

He will also change some nappies if I'm busy, but if we were both sitting down for a few mins and it needed doing, he always expects me to be the one to get up and change it.

Everything else is down to me really - cooking, cleaning, laundry (we pay someone to do our ironing though), organising our social calendar, shopping etc etc.

[SueBaroo]

I thought we were quite deliberately old-fashioned, (and happy to be so) really, but it appears dh does quite well by modern standards

[cathcart]

Muffin - thats sounds like the sort of arrangement that would go down well here

[PregnantGrrrl]

it always amazes me how much some women put up with- and i don't mean when it's agreed that one partner works outside the home, so doesn't cook, clean etc.

My older relatives are amazed at how i live, and i even heard one say she wished it had been this way in her day.

I've always expected to share household duties, not do the lot. Which is amazing considering the example my father set me- i never saw him hoover, use the washing machine, change a lightbulb even!