Has anyone increased their days at work rather than reducing them?

[PetitFilou1]

My DH is away a lot and often works one day at the weekend (he is a hospital doctor and also in the RAF) I work three days a week and have ds 3.3 and dd 21 months. I really struggle having them for three or more days in a row on my own and my dh has said he thinks I should do four days a week at work. I am sad that I find three days alone with the children hard - I do love them but I often don't have much company when I'm looking after them, ds particularly needs entertaining a lot at the moment or his behaviour deteriorates. I am just feeling a bit alone in even considering this as I know there are lots of other people who are in similar situations. Just wondering how others cope/would cope in this position.

[bettybobo]

Petitfilou dont feel sad that you find it hard to be at home 3 days, esp if dh is away alot, lots of people do, i did. I have just increased from 3 to 4 days for a couple of months for a project coming up (finishes in sept). Part of me feels bad but then i know ds loves nursery and is very happy there. Do you feel happy with the childcare you are using?

[PetitFilou1]

Bettybobo thanks, yes both ds and dd are at nursery on the days I work and they both love it. The thing is I can't understand why when I find it hard to be at home with them on my own, I still want another child! Dh says that because I work part time I haven't made great friends where we live. I have got good neighbours but I am not great mates with anyone, we are friendly rather than friends. I do have good friends, they aren't anywhere nearby though sadly.

[bettybobo]

Thats good l'm really glad they love it, at least you know they would be happy there more days. I think it makes so much difference who you have around you in the early days of babyhood. All my family are os, and most of my v good friends too. I think it does make a difference as when i go home to my mums and lounge around and eat out of her fridge, then go and hang around with my sister i think geez this sahmhood is easy. But here in london with a smallish flat i find it harder. When i took this extra day i felt lighter (it does feel bad saying that!).
i found it easier to make friends through my ds, are there any groups to go to? Even though i found the groups fairly tedious and pretty hard to sit through a few mum friends have been v good support.
But if you decide against this, and to go to work, please try not to feel sad, you haven't let yourself down in any way. You have done really well to get to the 3.3 and 21 months. Its harder without a support network imho.
Oh and btw my ds needs alot of playtime with me at home, i do find it tiring, i think thats why he loves nursery so much. Always stuff going on...

[PetitFilou1]

Well, you have safely say that me and dh have had almost no help with the children since they were born (except my fil who did come over every Friday for a couple of hours to do something with me when dd was very small - for which I was VERY grateful). My mother is a high flying career woman and never around, mil lives in S Wales (we are in London), and my dad is in Cambridge. One of my sisters who would be around a lot (at the weekend anyway) if she could lives near Oxford. We've never left the children alone except when we've gone out for dinner and we've had a babysitter - some of my friends are really shocked when I tell them that but I've never had any offers of help! Oh I don't know what to do..........

[PetitFilou1]

That should say, can safely say not have safely say........

[delores]

Can you work the same hours over 4 days but do shorter days. I work 4 5 hr days (because of my job, not originally through choice) and pick the kids up from nursery at 2.30 so have the afternoon with them, they don't have long days at nursery and my working day goes in a flash. Also when DS starts school I can work same hrs over 5 days so can drop off and pick up from scool.

Or could you spread your days out so you have alt days at home and work.

[LoveAngel]

petitfilou - would you enjoy working that extra day? Do you have a decent childcare arrangement (one that you feel happy with, and confident that your children are ok with?). If yes, then why not? It doesn't matter what other people think or what you perceive they may be doing with their time - do what makes you and your family feel good (or at least, what keeps you sane!). xx

[PetitFilou1]

Thank you LoveAngel that is what I wanted to hear - I will take some time to decide but you are right I shouldn't be so concerned with what others think.

[kbaby]

Just for reassurance, if your lo are happy in Nursery then do what you want.

I work 4 days a week through choice as being on Mat leave was hard enough. I did think I would love being home all day doing things but after a day of tantrums and being expected to provide entertainment 24/7 im glad to go to work.

[Lovecat]

I've just gone from 2 days a week to 3 for pretty much teh same reasons - all my friends have moved away/left the country (was it something I said??) and I was finding just the one dd a struggle for those 3-5 days a week (OH often has to work weekends)!

I am comforted in the knowledge that dd loves her nursery, is probably getting far more play, stimulation and education than a ratty, tired-out mother could give her, and I get some 'me time' where I can use my brain (and I get to sit down at a desk! People bring me coffee! Whoo hoo!!!! )

Please don't worry about what other people do/think - you have to find your own balance of what is right for your family. FWIW I too would love another child, so you're certainly not alone in feeling this way.