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At what age do you think it appropriate to introduce children to the harsher side of 'the News'?

25 replies

Issymum · 22/05/2007 10:33

This is not a McCann thread so let's not go there, but it is partly inspired by that discussion.

At 6, DD1 is still entirely innocent of current affairs. She is aware of death, illness, poverty, earthquakes, ecological issues, adoption and that the chicken on your plate is a 'real chicken'. However, she knows about these things as general concepts or because they have directly impacted her life, not because they feature in "the News". She is not aware of war, murder, kidnap, famine, terrorism and, until last weekend, divorce (all the children in her class are in classic two parent families which must be a statistical anomoly). This hasn't been a conscious choice it's just that we don't take a newspaper, she only watches Cbeebies and exceptionally tame DVDs (the DDs' choice as even Number Jacks and Aladdin is deemed 'too scarey'), she doesn't tend to notice Radio 4 when it's on, we generally leave discussion of current affairs until after she's in bed and her school is very protective, precious and in an exceptionally quaint 1950s groove.

My instinct is to leave her in this happy innocence for as long as possible, even to continue to 'protect' her from the News, but is there a point at which we should start to introduce the Iraq War, Dafur and 9/11? Or do we wait until she inevitably becomes aware of issues and starts to ask questions? What do you do?

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tinymum · 22/05/2007 10:35

Personally I have always waited until mine ask questions......I feel if they are old enough to ask, then they are old enough to know.

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SueBaroo · 22/05/2007 10:38

I tend to wait until my eldest (nearly 6) asks about things. Having said that, we sponsor some children, so she knows about that sort of hardship because we tend to cover it in prayertimes, so she asks questions based on that. She knows about Sudan and various things like that.

I don't tend to watch the news when she's about, though, more likely to listen to it on the radio. We do try and be careful about the images they see.

I suppose for us, we don't want to shield her from the harsh realities completely, but we want to introduce her to them age-appropriately. Always a tricky call and very much a fly-by-the-seat-of-you-pants proposition!

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fryalot · 22/05/2007 10:40

dd1 (13) sometimes asks questions - talking of the Madeleine McCann story, she will ask when she gets home from school if they've found the little girl yet... she did the same with Sara Payne. But until they start asking, they are not ready to understand any kind of life outside of their own little bubble - and that's how it should be.

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Porpoise · 22/05/2007 10:40

I think it all happens by itself, Issymum. They start to hear stuff - or at least pick up more - and ask you questions and it all builds slowly from there.
Ds1 (nearly 9) is aware of some of the stuff you mentioned - we recently had long discussions about slavery, for example, inspired by a newspaper headline he saw. And he also asked me 'what's an electric chair?' on the way to school this morning!
Ds2 (7) knows less and that's fine by me.
I don't 'introduce' any of this: just answer questions when they come up - and only with as much detail as they seem to be asking for.

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KerryMum · 22/05/2007 10:41

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Aloha · 22/05/2007 10:41

I think to wait until they ask questions. Ds (5) asked about Iraq this morning because the TOday programme was on. I told him it he knew about it because it is where the Arabian Nights is set, but that was in the olden days and now people there are sad because there is a lot of fighting because some people in England and America are in a war there because they wanted to get rid of a bad man called Saddam Hussein but instead of making things better, it has made things worse. Says ds, hopefully, 'Did the bad man start the fighting?'. 'No', says I. 'It was the English and the Americans'

He seems interested but not upset. I do not raise issues with him in general, except I do tell him that we buy fairtrade bananas because it helps people etc
I wouldn't tell either of the children about babies being snatched from their bed or stuff. And I don't watch the news with them. And I do turn off the radio if there is something particularly horrific being discussed very explicitly. On the whole I'm amazed at what they tune out.

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PregnantGrrrl · 22/05/2007 10:42

i'd wait for questions, then be honest about what you say in response.

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Issymum · 22/05/2007 10:46

Thank you. OliveOil's (I think) response to some of this stuff, "this is for adults not for children to worry about", did resonate with me.

I think learning about poverty in the developing world by sponsoring a child is very different from seeing images of Dafur on television. In sponsorship images can be carefully controlled and helping one child or one village I would have thought is something that a 5yo or 6yo can process.

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Aloha · 22/05/2007 10:48

I keep mine away from horrible stuff about children starving to death etc. What's the point? It's my job to protect them, and that means, IMO, protecting them from knowing about some of the worst things that can happen to people in this world.

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SueBaroo · 22/05/2007 10:50

Issy, I agree, it's very different. We HE, so I think we probably have marginally more control over what goes in and how.

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MamaMaiasaura · 22/05/2007 10:52

DS 7 activiely truns down radio in car if news comes on. THis is because his father (exp) has 'made' him listen to the news and it has frightened him. I do not put news on with ds around.

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SSSandy2 · 22/05/2007 10:54

I don't know really. I discuss things if they come up but don#t go into detail. I didn't know anything about poverty, war, crime, divorce, terrorism, slavery when I was 6.

dd has heard about the slave trade, child labour, knows about poverty and war but not in detail. I wouldn't have chosen to inform her about any of those yet, except maybe poverty. Either things were mentioned at school, in books or in museums and I then tried to answer her questions. I don't think small dc need to have adult knowledge really unless of course they're personally confronted with war, poverty etc. Then it's unavoidable.

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Porpoise · 22/05/2007 10:56

Yes but you can't ALWAYS control what children hear and see - especially once they are at school and able to read.

What matters most, I think, is letting them know that they can always talk to you about stuff they hear, and that they will always get an open and honest response.

That doesn't mean they need masses of detail, though. Or that you can't put it all in context for them.

So, as I said in response to Ds1's questions about Maddy M: yes, she was kidnapped but it's in the news because it's a very very unusual thing. And you know that your mummy and daddy will always do all they can to keep you safe, don't you?

He didn't ask about what kidnapper might want/do. So I didn't go there.

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SueBaroo · 22/05/2007 11:02

One of the best things I ever heard about this sort of thing was in connection with sex-ed, actually.

It was "If your child asks you the time, you don't need to explain how a watch works.'

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Porpoise · 22/05/2007 11:04

exactly SueBaroo!
But neither should you say, 'Telling the time is just for grown-ups'

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puddle · 22/05/2007 11:05

I agree with Porpoise. They get their information from so many sources once they are at school - the important thing is to have an atmosphere at home where they can ask any question and know things can be discussed.

My ds is 7 and we have started to get him First News which is excellent at putting things in context for children. DS will read our papers if we leave them around so am careful about content there (caught him reading a mrilyn Manson interview in the guardian the other day and had to take it away!) . And the news is on a lot in our house, but radio only - I think without the images it is less engaging for children to tune in to. I always turn off if there is a particularly distressing subject being covered.

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southeastastra · 22/05/2007 11:08

i wait until my five year old asks questions.

it's strange though i remember watching the 9/11 coverage live on sky and my son who was then 8 was totally not interested and was annoyed i was making him miss his shows.

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WendyWeber · 22/05/2007 11:10

They discussed this on Woman's Hour yesterday .

I can't tell you what they said because I was only half listening but I'm glad not to have to try to explain it to a little child.

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oliveoil · 22/05/2007 11:13

dd1 sees Sky news sometimes if she comes in the room

but I monitor HUGELY what they see

how do you explain war to a 4 year old?

I do not see the point of scaring them before they are old enough to process it and I do think it is for grown ups to worry about it and not children

maybe when they go to school they will be open to more stuff but for now, I will keep them in their little bubbles

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SueBaroo · 22/05/2007 11:16

Porpoise, of course. You tell them the time - you answer the question they have actually asked, not all the ones that might occur to them one day but haven't yet...

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Porpoise · 22/05/2007 11:17

I don't disagree, Olive.
But it gets trickier to maintain the bubble when the little ones have older siblings.
It is possible but I do think you have to be ready to answer questions - in an age-appropriate and reassuring way - if they should come up.
By the way, our children don't see/hear the news on telly. Although ds1 watches Newsround sometimes.

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franca70 · 22/05/2007 11:28

I agree with Parpoise. We don't really have the time to watch the news before the children are in bed, nor do they read newspapers yet. But i'll be happy to answer/discuss any question they have for me. They live in this world. Also don't they study history at school? there's plenty of wars there...

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zizou · 22/05/2007 19:59

I sometimes worry that mine are too unwordly, at 5 and 8. I won't tell them things that are needlessly disturbing when they don't have an appropriate context -(- by some miracle they don't know about M McGann fi -) but they know about whaling, rainforests, why nestle are bad, iraq, tony blair, because those things have cropped up in chats. I want them to have a broad knowledge of the world, but not to be exposed to needless and disproportionate horrors.

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Bink · 29/05/2007 11:58

I second puddle re First News (which I initially cribbed off roisin as an idea, who has a very wise take on this sort of thing).

First News does a very solid editorial line in Darling Animals (Poppy the St Bernard who had 13 puppies when the vet had said only 3, Fluff and Floff the orphan baby owls who have settled happily into their bird sanctuary with the help of a toy mother owl, you get the theme) - but carries the hard news too, in a very carefully presented way. For instance, re McCanns, there was a leader emphasising how rare this sort of happening is & how not to make it a source of anxiety.

Despite its being Piers Morgan [pursed mouth emoticon], I do think FN is great. Ds agrees: "grown up newspapers are just all chaos and catastrophe".

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wulfricsmummy · 29/05/2007 20:16

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