Feedback welcome

[Othersideofthechannel]

My childless by choice friend has just had this published. She's interested in feedback from parents: here

[MoosMa]

Oh how sad! The first part nearly made me cry

[trillium]

Lovely.....very perceptive......but there's no way I would willingly miss out on all that pleaure just for the sake of a tidy house etc.

Tbh it doesn't sound like she's totally convinced herself........

[throckenholt]

it is well written. But I guess as a mother I find it impossible to understand the sentiment. To choose to limit you life to the selfish - "I can do what I want when I want" is very sad. Especially for the chance that your marriage won't break up because of the stress of children. Lots of childless people drift apart just as much as married ones.

Nothing can beat the feeling of watching my 3 playing with sticks in the stream yesterday afternoon - a monent of perfect harmony for 5 people - it was bliss

[suedonim]

She sounds as though she's very aware of what children are like - maybe has nieces and nephews? She seems to understand what she'll be missing and I think there's something of an air of resignation in her letter.

[Hulababy]

Hmmm, is this really her choice? The article almost sounds like she is trying to convince herself; she certainly doesn't sound like someone who definitely doesn't want children - and I mean her own children - in her life at some point. I have an awful feeling that is she already has regrets now, what will those regrets be like when she is in her 50s and 60s?

[Sugarmagnolia]

I think it's very sad. I can respect people who really truly don't want children but it doesn't sound to me like she's really truly one of those people.

[DimpledThighs]

I think she wants to have a baby - if she is childless by choice and happy why has she imainged all the things she would miss out on?

I can't believe she is not having a child because she will resent the disruption it will bring!

[mummymic]

i agree with the messages here - she so desperately wants a child - imho x

[Pruni]

Message withdrawn

[foxybrown]

I thought it was a lovely, well-written piece. Shows that she has a real understanding of what she is giving up. It touched me, causing me to shed a tear. (But being pregnant that's not so hard). I agree that there is a wistfulness about it, but I don't think that means we should assume she wants children. Sometimes we all wonder 'what if..' from time to time.

It made me appreciate what I have and the choices I have made.

[Othersideofthechannel]

Thanks for your input.
I'm not sure why she wanted feedback just that she definitely wanted feedback from parents, having already had feedback from childless friends.
She doesn't yet know that I have posted the link. I wanted to wait until I was sure there was a response. She just asked for my point of view as a mother. I had already given my opinion on the writing.
I'll leave it to her to respond to the more personal queries if she wants to.

I'm the friend who sent the Christmas card that got her thinking.

[princesscc]

Can't help but think that one day the order and peace & quiet will get a bit dull. I love my time on my own and love a tidy house too, but having just spent the weekend without kids, I couldn't wait for dd to come home again and chaos reigns again! Thats bliss to me!

[ChippyMinton]

Agree with the other posts. She does sound as though she would like a child, but is finding it hard to back down from her stated position as childfree by choice. Maybe a joyous accident would solve her dilemma

[hunkerkerplunker]

It's well written, but it made me cry.

I find it very hard to understand why somebody would close off their future happiness for a bit of chaos-free living now.

I never felt particularly maternal before I had the boys (I still don't feel massively endlessly maternal), but I could not bear to have a future that didn't include children.

I couldn't envisage a future that didn't include grown-up children and their families. How devastatingly lonely that would be. There's plenty of time to be ordered and chaos-free when they're older, IMO.

[kittylette]

that made me cry

[TrinityRhino]

it made me cry

feel all wobbly now

[taffy101]

I can see where she's coming from, but i'd never say never. I was once very anti-kid but then i realised no one would visit me when i'm old if i didn't have kids. I agree that she sounds like she's trying to convince herself.

[taffy101]

i nearly cried too

[chopchopbusybusy]

Read it twice - cried both times. What age is she? Part of her already regrets the decision - so if she is young enough she may still change her mind.

[LilRedWG]

I can understand her worries about feeling resentment, even when I was pregnant with a much wanted DD I worried that I'd resent the lack of "my" space and "our" time

But you know what. I spent Saturday in bed with a vile cold, real man-flu . DH looked after poorly, teething DD and then, as he was putting her to bed she projectile vomitted (AGAIN) all over her bedroom carpet. I climbed out of bed and cleaned the carpet whilst DH cleaned up DD, then we tucked her up in bed and gave her kisses and I realised - I will never ever resent anything I have to do for her. She repays me with her smiles and cuddles. I couldn't ask for anything more than my wonderful, vomitting, snotty-filled baby.