Is the future set?

[bananasmoothie]

I have 2 sons (aged 8 and 6), my 8 year old has always been an 'easy' child, sensible, polite, well behaved etc... my youngest has always been a handful, he's the spitting image of his dad, looks like him, talks like him, walks like him, acts like him..seriously it's strange how similar they are.

The thing is his dad no longer lives here but they see him every other weekend, my eldest likes to see him but isnt all that bothered...my youngest idolises him, he worships the ground he walks on...he routinly tells people "you're not as strong as my dad, he's the strongest man in the world, he can do anything..." he genuinly loves him to bits which is nice...

BUT, he is starting to grow up like him, he's cheeky, naughty, rude...all the things his dad was at his age, especially the trouble I'm having with him at school...it's as if we're re-living his dads school days.

What I'm worried about is...is the future set already? will he end up like his dad? stacking shelves in a supermarket...is that his future as he's so like his father?

What are your experiences? Do you believe our kids future is already set?

[WestCountryLass]

I do believe that everyone has their potential, some of our kids will be brain surgeons and others will have, perhaps, less esteemed roles shall we say. However in your sons case, he is not his father as he has your influence too.

My two are really different, DC1 easy and sensible and DC2 is a complete nutter

[climbingrosie]

The age old nature-nurture debate!!

Obviously children inherit characteristics from both parents, and in your youngest son's case it sounds like he has inherited a lot from his dad,but development and behaviour are also influenced by upbringing and childhood experiences, and your DS has inherited your genes too, and is also being brought up by you! ...and I'm sure you are not bringing him up in exactly the same way his dad was brought up, so don't worry about it so much!

Children are very good at fulfilling the roles adults expect of them, so be careful as these things can become 'self-fulfilling prophesies'. Try to see your DS as an individual, he is not his dad, and there is no reason he will definately follow in his footsteps. Cheekiness, rudeness, naughtiness, a lot of 6 year olds are like this!!

[frances5]

Life is what your youngest son chooses to make of it. Nature and nurture do affect children's lives but ultimately its up to them.