My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Swapsies, childcare, etiquette?

6 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 15/02/2007 21:44

DS1 started reception this year. One of the boys in his class lives reasonably close by, and they get on pretty well. I like his parents.

They are both likely to be in this school for 8 years or something ludicrous, so I want to build good relationships with other parents and not muck things up.

We had the mum and her kids over during the autumn half term. It was very nice.

After that, I had a rough week, and asked them to collect DS1 from school once. That went fine, and it's easy for DH to pick DS1 up from their house, as he works pretty much next to it.

I am now in a position to return the favour, but they don't seem eager for this to happen. Their child might not be happy to come home with me without his parents? The mum does seem to think we could do this sometime, at least.

Anyway, we haven't got together this half term, we were meant to see them tomorrow, but she had to cancel.

She's offered to have DS1 on Saturday morning, and take him to the birthday party they're both going to that afternoon. I can collect from the birthday party. I don't want to be taking advantage!

Also, DS1 wants to have his friend come here this time. I think I will try suggesting that we take their DS this time?

Should I be less worried about returning favours? I have quite a few local mums who I've helped, and who've not helped me, and I'm certainly not staying up nights counting the childcare I'm "owed".

OP posts:
Report
Anisse · 15/02/2007 23:38

Yes !
You sound like a really nice friend/mum but I am sure the time will come when she needs your help and will ask.
Like me, she probably enjoys going to school to collect her ds. She probably thinks she might need your help in the future but not as yet?
Dont worry about it

Report
cat64 · 15/02/2007 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NappiesGalore · 16/02/2007 00:03

id say ask her how she feels about it - but you seem to have to know people for 15 years or so in order for them to actually give you honest answers to stuff. annoying isnt it? endless guesswork...

Report
NotQuiteCockney · 16/02/2007 06:44

Oh, I'm sure she's far too polite to give me an honest answer. She's not British, but her manners absolutely are. (Unlike mine!)

Thinking about it, I might try asking if her DS can come to ours, or otherwise ask if DS2 and I can visit at the same time? (My DS2 is inbetween the ages of her DDs.) I've not seen her place, and I do quite like her and would be happy to hang out for a while. (I accidentally said something to her about hanging out with people all day wearing me out - it didn't, really, when we did it before, I was really complaining about a dad I had been hanging out with all day.)

Realistically, I don't think my DS1 is really any extra work for her. He's 5, he's reasonably well-behaved, and my DS1 and her DS get on really well. I do feel like I get the better part of the deal, though, as I think her DS is a good influence on mine, but I doubt mine is a good influence on hers!

OP posts:
Report
wanderingstar · 16/02/2007 09:18

You sound very polite yourself to be worrying about it; it may just be a suitable time/occasion hasn't come up yet for her ds to come alone to yours. Maybe there will be other parties coming up and you could offer to take/collect.
Or maybe as you say her ds may be happier playing in his own home.

Ime sometimes the childcare/ playdate favours are 100% reciprocal, but more often they're not; someone might have a shyer child who has more playdates at home - with mum totally happy about this - someone may be ill/busy and her child is "playing away" more often for a spell. As long as it roughly evens out over the years (I take your point) that's fine.

Report
NotQuiteCockney · 16/02/2007 09:20

Thing is, last time I spoke about this with her DS around, he seemed to feel he was owed a trip to DS1's house. So I think my DS1 and her DS want it to be reciprocal.

Another concern: she is a lot more inclined to worry than me. DS2 had a bad fall last week (ok, it was very bad, over the back of the sofa onto his head on a wooden floor ). I mentioned it to her on pick up, and the next day she brought it up, and said she'd been worrying about him! The woman has three kids and job, surely she hasn't got the time!

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.