My sons behaviour (diagnosis)

[bananasmoothie]

Thanks for the replies in my thread yesterday (punishing my son), I feel there are bigger problems with him that I need to address as punishments just do not work, taking away his things just makes him forget about them and when he does remember (if he see's them) he kicks up a major fuss about getting them back but doesn't behave in order to get them back, it's like he's incapable of being good.

Same with school, I go to the bakery in a morning and get his favourite biscuit, if he's good at school he gets the biscuit on the way home, if not I eat it...last week he went the full week without getting it. He just doesn't seem to understand.

If I shout at him he screams and shouts back at me, if someone more "authoritive" shouts at him he laughs at them, when he's asked why he misbehaves he replies "I forget to be good", it's like nothing gets through to him.

BUT he does have his good points, he loves animals and is always kind etc to them, he has memorised the name of a big selection of dinosaurs (sone of which I don't know!), he's a great artist...he's funny (last night he did a "jack sparrow walk" in his pirate costume complete with the "limp wrist" and girly wiggle etc for my video camera, it was hilarious...it's hard to remember that it's the same kid.

I'm really starting to think ADHD, anyone with experience of this? am I barking up the wrong tree?

How do I go about getting a diagnosis?

[juuule]

If your punishments aren't working these are a couple of books that might be worth looking at by Alfie Kohn - Unconditional parenting and Punished by Rewards . They give a different perspective on the Punish/reward view.
Also worth a look imo is Alfie Kohn website. There's info on the above books on there too.
Sorry I've no experience of ADHD.

[sunnysideup]

I think school is seperate from you and him. If he's good at school is something that should be dealt with immediately AT school. When you pick him up, that's a fresh start. Give him a biscuit to make him happy and don't even ask him if he was good at school, move on and concentrate on the time you have together.

You have enough to do dealing with your son when you are with him, I don't think it helps your ds if he comes out of school and immediately has something else landed on him, eg mum eating his biscuit cos he hasn't been good.

I also agree with Juule, it's worth investigating other ways of dealing with him if as you say punishments don't work. I think it's easy to get into a negative cycle with punishments.

But I really think separate school and his time with you. Let him make a fresh start each day when you get him and only deal with stuff that happens when he is WITH you.

[juuule]

Agree with Sunnyside up about keeping behaviour at school and home separate.