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Parenting

Did you decide not to have another one because you were bad at it?

12 replies

choosyfloosy · 15/02/2007 00:58

I don't think I'm very good at being a mum, or at least given all the other stuff I've taken on, it's clear that ds is only nominally my top priority.

I think I ought to try and have another one for him, partly because I'm not too good at motherhood. But I can't face it. And a bit tough on number 2 really.

OP posts:

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mumfor1standfinaltime · 15/02/2007 05:34

Bless you! I sometimes feel like this too. So glad it isn't just me.
Sometimes I think 'how could I manage with 2, I can't even manage 1!'

It can feel like you need to think about having another to almost feel 'normal', especially with the 'so when are you having another one then' questions which seem to pop up.

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gingernutlover · 15/02/2007 07:45

choosly floosy I know the feeling I am def not the natural mother I thought I would be - i also had/have pnd and sometimes think I should have another so I could do all the first bit properly, I was CR*P big time when dd was tiny.

But somone said to me to just relax and enjoy number 1 and see what time brings, no need to make a decision if you dont feel ready.

And hey - if you are not a baby person and dont want another baby - cos they are hard work arent they! Then dont have one, just make sure ds gets plenty of opportunity to socialise and meet other children.

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FioFio · 15/02/2007 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Neroli · 15/02/2007 07:52

I thought I was rubbish and couldn't face having another. Nature however had other ideas and DS came along. Turns out I'm not so rubbish after all, DS has been a doddle and I'm really pleased he came along. I personally find it much much easier once they get to about 3.

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dejags · 15/02/2007 08:09

choosy - I am not the worlds greatest mum, yet I am due to give birth to no. 3 in three months time.

My maternal instinct has grown with each pregnancy/birth.

This could happen in your case?

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mamma2kids · 15/02/2007 12:37

It definately gets easier as they get older and no 2 is easier than no1. Also does anyone think they are a natural mother and does anyone think that real life motherhood is anyt6hing like what they thought it would be? My eldest is 3.6 and I'm just beginning to adjust to motherhood.

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twinsetandpearls · 15/02/2007 12:41

I will not have another partly for the reasons you suggest and partly as we can't afford another.

I think I am an ok Mum but certainly not good enough and certainly not good enough to inflict on another child. I make sure that dd has lots of friends around and has close relationships with other children in her family around her age. I just think in my situation having the first child perhaps wasn't wise and a mistake but one that can be handled and I do a good job but to ahve another would be selfish and would justbe too much.

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twinsetandpearls · 15/02/2007 12:42

mamma2kids I see and meet enough "natural mothers" to know I am not one of them.

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danceswithnewboots · 15/02/2007 12:49

Hmm, I would not necessarily argue for no.2 being easier. Depends on the baby. My dd (oldest) was an ok baby, ds was NOT...he cried for about the first 12 weeks They are much easier now they are older (dd 3 1/2 and ds 2) but now ds is hitting the terrible twos with avengance and is hard work! DD on her own would be no trouble, she's much quieter and more able to get involved in things she is doing (always has been). They do play together alot though and adore each other. DD's friend was over the other day and he kept saying to dd 'play with me dd' and she was saying 'no, i'm playing with ds!'
Oh, I'm not a natural mother but having two means they entertain each other and enrich each others life alot makes me feel better when I'm having a cr*p day that they have each other.

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Tortington · 15/02/2007 12:49

dont do it. people who actually like kids just dont get it. people who cope well - just dont get it.

i hav anothe one becuase i didn't want an only child.

i was young, stupid and had no one for advice - i ended up with twins and it was a feckin nightmare.

if you think you have no time for your kid now - just you wait.

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Pruni · 15/02/2007 12:54

Message withdrawn

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choosyfloosy · 16/02/2007 21:44

yep, that's it custy. at least now i do sometimes have times when i can just sit and look at ds and talk to him. briefly, anyway.

think i was spooked by that thread about only children always being dumped on the doorsteps of families with 2 or 3 for socialising and what a pain it was for the latter. i can see myself doing this .

god, twins. ok, two condoms for dh tonight.