Is an absent mother, a good mother?

[DetentionGrrrl]

There's an article in the Independent today about Sarah Ferguson (Duchess of York) being named Mother of the Year (or some such bollocks), and it points out that since she lives on a different continent to her kids, should she really be 'mother of the year.'

It begs the question, are serious 'career women' as good mothers as SAHM or part time workers?

It's not a loaded question, i'm going back to work 4 days a week next month. Just thought it was an interesting debate myself.

[Twiglett]

don't know .. is an absent chocolate bar tasty?

[NotQuiteCockney]

I don't think WOTH is quite the same thing as living on a different continent from your children. I mean, ok, I'm a SAHM, so what do I know, but still ...

[hunkermunker]

I'm a better mother working full time than I was being a SAHM. I do four long days, so am at home for two weekdays and still get to take DS1 to preschool, DS2 to the clinic (not that we go, but I could if I wanted to!), etc.

But as for being mother of the year living on a different continent - not really sure how that would work!

[DetentionGrrrl]

only if there's nobody there to hear it being opened

I personally don't think someone can be a great mother if they aren't there to feed / cuddle / play with their kids regularly. But that's just my opinion.

[Aloha]

And her 'career' is such bollocks too! It's not like she healing the sick or saving the world, is it?

[HeartOnMyGreensleeve]

Isn't there a bit of a gulf between WOHM and living on a different continent from your children?

I think being a SAHM has more advantages for the children, on balance, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it. It's only a very personal and very marginal view though, and I certainly wouldn't say "SAHMs are better mothers than WOHMs". My mother was a SAHM and three of us don't speak to her at all any more .

I think wrt the SAHM/WOHM thing (Groundhog Day, anyone?), we all make our own judgements about what's best for our families. Indiviual characteristics in both the parents and the children must play a role there too.

But for someone to be named "Mother oF The Year" when they don't actually live with their children is a bit much, isn't it?

[hunkermunker]

What do you mean by regularly?

I personally don't think that a great mother shouts at her children and wants to drive her car into walls to end everything...as I did when I was a SAHM with PND.

[ghosty]

I don't think you can compare working mothers with SF ... working mothers are not 'absent' are they? They are merely at work ... they can rush home if their child is sick etc etc (well, not if you are Xenia obviously and have nannies etc )
Being "Mother of the Year" when you live on a different continent to your children sounds a bit strange IMO.

[hunkermunker]

And what about dads who work full time? Are they shit because they don't see their children?

[DetentionGrrrl]

For at least some time every day, be it just a little while during the week- i'd deem that as regularly.

Obviously Fergie's kids are older mind you, but Mother of the Year? My arse.

[brimfull]

well her darling dd's are grown up or at boarding school so she doesn't have the same pressures as us normal mums.

[mummytosteven]

to play devil's advocate, she looks to have a very good relationship with her kids, so I guess that however unconventionally she's done it seems to have worked out well

[lulumama]

the WOHM / SAHM comparison, does not work here, as most WOHMs are in the same country as their children

personally, i think someone like Alison Lapper or someone who actually mothers their children with great sacrifice or against great adversity is more deserving than the face of American Weight Watchers

[HeartOnMyGreensleeve]

Well, my 4yo has a very cordial relationship with the postman, MTS

[LadyMacbeth]

Kate Moss and Kerry Katona have also been Mother of the Year nominees in years gone by. I think there was quite a lot of debate about their suitability to the title. I'm sure it's just a wooden spoon thing organised by bored people and I'd take it all with a pinch of salt myself .

[DetentionGrrrl]

Greensleeve: i get the feeling i've inadvertently started a thread on a well-discussed topic...i'm off to start threads about whether people who give their toddlers McDonalds are crappy aswell now.

[HeartOnMyGreensleeve]

Mother of the year, though? Really?

It's a duff concept anyway. Anyone who qualified under any criteria as "mother of the year" is bound to be an insufferable tosspot anyway.

[ipodthereforipoor]

I'd love to live on another planet to DS never mind continent atm.

[DetentionGrrrl]

The article talks about high flying full time workers, MP's for example, rather than your average full time worker who is home for breakfast / dinner at least.

I don't think someone who travels / works most of the time is being a good mother, just as a Dad who does the same isn't. It's all very well having money or stature, but it hardly builds relationships with kids.

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

Oh lovely, another WOHMs are crap "debate".

[HeartOnMyGreensleeve]

Has anyone said that? Apart from you, that is?

[ScummyMummy]

Aren't her kids grown up more or less, though? i agree it'd be pretty hard to be a good parent to say, a toddler or a twelve y.o if you were mostly on different continents but it's a bit different once adulthood approaches, no? I see my dad about as regularly as if we were on different continents but consider him a great dad, for example.