I can't stop thinking about a child i saw yesterday

[DetentionGrrrl]

There was a baby at clinic yesterday, who can't have been more than a year and a half in age at the most. She was filthy; i don't mean that sort of 'just puked after leaving the house' dirty, i mean caked in dirt. She wanted her bottle, so her mother gave it to her and told her to do it herself, then shouted at her when the baby tried and squirted some milk over the man who was with them.

She ignored her and let walk around the clinic, she was wandering behind the reception desk, and twice she actually left the clinic and me and another mother had to go get her before she got to the carpark/fell down the stairs. She SMACKED her. Then her mother went for a cigarette (did i mention she was heavily pregnant?) and when the little girl tried to follow, grabbed her and slammed her down on the chair next the man, who did a crossword and ignored her as she again wandered off and i had to fetch her.

The baby was taking toys and bottles from other kids (not her fault obviously) but nobody was telling her she shouldn't do it or apologising. She took DS's toy and threw it in a bin, then kept wandering away again. When she became distressed, the man with her 'comforted' her by saying her name, with his back to her, from the other side of the room.

The other mother who was also helping look after her was really angry, and i was almost in tears. I wish i'd done something, but i don't know what. I keep thinking about her; i've been thinking about her all night. She was a really placid kid- it's not as if she was screaming and being 'naughty'

It was one thing ignoring her safety, but smacking and shouting at a baby? If that's how she behaves in public, i keep wondering what she's like with her in private.

Anyway- just needed to get that off my chest.

[dejags]

Poor little mite.

Some people don't deserve to be parents.

[Whoooosh]

God how awful.

If it were me and genuinely concerned for her safety I would perhaps speak tothe clinic?

There will be nothing they can tel you but you may feel better for at least raising it.

[Twiglett]

on the positive side

they'd bothered to take her to clinic where professionals can see her

she's probably already on their radar

[Hulababy]

Poor little girl

Could you mention something to the health visitor at the clinc maybe - just to voice your concerns? At least then you will know that you haven't just ignored it and passed it on to someone who can maybe doing something to help.

[DetentionGrrrl]

do you think i should ring the Health Visitor and let her know?

I know we all have different ways of doing things, but this was more than a stressed woman having an off day- we all have those!

It was trully shocking. I can still hear her voice, shouting at her for almost the entire 2 hours i was there.

[Sheraz]

You have to tell the HV. They are probably already aware. In these scenarios you cannot stand by and do nothing.

[Imafairy]

Yes - you have nothing to lose by phoning the HV, and at least you'll feel so much better about it.

Some people just don't deserve to have children.

[daisynut]

i'd have to tell the h/v personally.

[DetentionGrrrl]

i've just written a letter to the HV:

"The child was called **. I saw her mother smack her bottom, despite her young age. Her clothes were dirty, and she was told to ?feed herself? when she wanted a bottle, then shouted at when she couldn?t quite manage it. She was ignored, and allowed to wander from the waiting room; twice another mother and myself had to go fetch her before she got to the car park and the stairs near the main doors, while her carers did nothing. I saw her mother being quite rough with her also.

I appreciate that I only saw them for a couple of hours, but myself and the other mother present were shocked at the mother?s behaviour. I have been quite worried about it, so have decided to just let you know, so that you are aware of our concerns.

I know there may not be much you can do, but I felt like I had a duty to raise the issue."

[Sheraz]

Well done, you couldn't ignore it.

[fireflyfairy2]

You have done the right thing. I remember bringing it to the attention of my HV when I saw a parent never ever strapping their dd into the car seat.. putting her life in danger. She had a word with the mum.

[snig]

well done detentiongirl its up to all of us to protect the children in our communities

[whatkatydidntdo]

I know its a difficult situation but you are right to bring it to someones attention. Even if its just a reminder to them to look more closely!

With my DS I didnt see a HV after he was 4 months old! She rang me twice (left mesages on my answer machine) to say she was too busy to do his health checks and that she would "catch up" with us at a local toddler group" (Which she never did as we had already stopped going to this group) people can slip under their net and its always worth giving them a nudge!

[DetentionGrrrl]

i feel better for doing it.

I felt like scooping her up and bringing her home for a bath and a cuddle.

[Twiglett]

I do think a child of about 'a year and a half' is more than capable of holding their own bottle if they must have one .. so fail to see why you've included that

[Whoooosh]

Well done GD-definitely the right thing to do.

[expatinscotland]

I think you've done the right thing.



So many children who don't stand a chance with parents like this.

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

Well done - you did the right thing. Sometimes, even though the HV may have been well aware of the situation, it helps to have an objective person observe, and then officially remark upon, the behaviour of the parents. It really does break my heart - poor babies.

[DetentionGrrrl]

twigglet: i included it because she couldn't do it, and was shouted at when some was spilled. I think that's a rotten way to treat a baby personally.

[ForeverBlowingBubbles]

I agree, speak to the HV - they'll probably know exactly who you are talking about, and like someone else said, hopefully the poor little thing will already be on their radar. It's so sad to see things like this and such a shame.

[ForeverBlowingBubbles]

Aargh, sorry, I see you've already contacted the HV. Please ignore my previous post. (I was reading the thread, then my phone rang, then I posted my reply without refreshing the thread, doh!)

Good on you for reporting what you saw.

[DetentionGrrrl]

Health Visitor got back to me today, to thank me and ask me to ring a Social Services number, as her power was limited and she wasn't actually that mother's HV.

Have rung them just now.

[PeachyClairColouredRoses]

Well done, I had to do something similar yesterday (did start a thread t the time) and it was horrible, but I feel very worth doing.

It may be that this Mum has been a concern to the HV for ages- its ahrd for hem to do much, which is why she asked you to ring SS. It may be that the Mum has already got intervention from them- likely actually as you were asked to call.

It may be that the Mum has PND and that's why she's not coping, but at the same time the child needs support and Mum may get help she needs as well- especiallya s she will have anoher baby soon to care for