the urge to have number 3, did you have it (the urge) and ignore it?

[undergroundernie]

I have 2, ds is 4 dd 2.7, I miscarried in Nov at 6 weeks. For quite some time I have periodically thought about having number 3, practically it's not impossible but it would be a lot of hard work, the potential age difference keeps increasing, I like my growing independence. However I keep getting that urge now and then. Has anyone felt this but done nothing, and then found that the urge gradually goes away as your children grow?

[franca70]

same here underground. ds is 4 and a half, dd is 2.8. I'm 36. I like my growing independence too. The idea of being pg again scares me (I tend to be v. anxious in those 9 months). Still, the other night I couldn't fall asleep thinking I'd like another baby... no i shouldn't, yes I should, etc. sorry I'm not helping

[undergroundernie]

But I don't know if I do want one. Just sometimes I want one. At other times I look at the other two and think I'm really lucky and I don't want to push my luck. Then other times when I've no patience left I just wish I could pop off on my own for a while and stop being Mrs Snappy Mummy.

[elliott]

I originally wanted three but due to infertility problems have been very very lucky to have two. The desire has not completely gone away (haven't yet managed to take the step to contraception so I guess part of me still hankers), but I do feel settled in my mind about having two. They are 5 and 3 now and we are just on the brink of being able to do loads more interesting things; it has all got noticeably easier recently; and now when I observe friends going through the whole baby thing I do feel very distant from it and somewhat aghast at the whole physical bit and sleeplessness etc - I think I have mentally moved on from the baby stage. So yes, I do think it is a desire that fades with time, as long as you can focus on the positives and not get too hung up on occasional broody pangs. Also, I'm not really a tiny baby person which probably helps!

[PetitFilou1]

I have 2, ds nearly 3, dd nearly 17 months. I am obsessed by do I have a third, do I not. I'm 35 this year and we are moving house in 18 months just before ds starts school. I will have to leave my current job as will be too far away so it would be the ideal time to be pregnant. But....... I think if I do wait that long it will be very hard to actually do it as the two we have will be getting so much easier by then. I'm also not a tiny baby person and am crap with no sleep. So maybe that will outweigh the desire when the time comes.....who knows.

[Dinosaur]

Had the urge, didn't ignore it.

[undergroundernie]

The thought tends to keep me awake at night too. However we did stop using contraception when dd was about 20months which was when I began to feel i could face doing it all again. I have polycystic ovaries and didn't fall pregnant until Oct so about 8 months later. Then I miscarried. Now I am very unsure. Just before i miscarried I had a really vivid dream that i had just lost the baby and my immediate gut reaction was that I am never doing it again. But a couple of months on here I am looking at smaller less polluting cars now we no longer have to carry a pushchair around and i keep getting this fleeting thought - but you can't fit three car seats in the back of a Ford Focus... And then I start the dilemma again.
Maybe I just need someone to tell me you can actually fit three seats in!

[foxinsocks]

you can fit 3 car seats along the back of a Ford Focus (though ours is a c max so not sure if this is different) as long as one of them is a booster

I had that urge (though it was only a teeeeny, tiny, miniscule urge) when ds was a toddler. I am pleased to report that this urge did go away in the end and now the thought of a new baby and nappies and sleepless nights (as I have 2 school going children) fills me with horror!

[ItsMeMellowma]

I am fighting this urge atm..... watch this >>> space.

[ItsMeMellowma]

oops sorry I thought that space would have been bit bigger

[pinkdolly]

hiya,

I had the urge, I now have dd1 4 1/2, dd2 3 1/2 and dd3 6 months. But I'm still broody, so it didn't cure me!

[BuffysMum]

was very broody for a 3rd & 4th, now I am broody no more even though #4 is 17 months -it is relief that the broodiness has vanished I get a bit wistful that I'll never give birth again etc but that's it - wistful not broody.

Not sure if that really helps you tho!

[undergroundernie]

Thank-you for all the responses. I am reading with great interest as the subject fascinates me at the moment.(Well perhaps obsesses me is a better word..)
elliott - I think the bit you said about the desire fading with time as long as you focus on the positives and not the occasional broody urge is where I want to be.
I feel as though my brain has been so focussed on babies and small people and the best way to deal with them for so long, well for five years, that its hard to switch modes and see myself as the mother of soon-to-be school age children rather than the one pushing a pram around. The next stage is still unknown and rather scary. Plus I'm not very career minded so have no strong desires to return to work. I worry about what I'll do with myself.

[sweetkitty]

I have DD1 2 1/2 and DD2 who's 1 and am debating a third right now, everything points to sticking with 2 but there feels like there's someone missing still.

I have totally messed up my career so might as well have a third now anyway

[morningpaper]

It's very hard isn't it

I want three children but I really don't want to have to do ALL THAT WORK

and I HATE being snappymummy too

gaaaah

[Hassled]

I went on the basis that once I had him or her, I knew I'd never regret having a third (and fourth!) baby, but if I didn't go for it I might regret it for years. After No 4 I know I have definately lost all broodiness!

[thirtysomething]

I have been through exactly the same thing underground as you (even have the polycystic ovaries element too!) - we were so undecided about no 3, especially as my second birth was just so awful, and we've had two very colicky babies. We would decide to go for it, try for a month or so, then change our minds and decide to wait a bit - this pattern went on for a couple of years and then when both kids were finally at school we kind of accepted we would just be happy to stick at two. I always wanted another in my heart but was so scared of the birth, plus the effects a pregnancy would have on my two children, as I basically vomit constantly for 4-5 months. Also we began to come out of the no-sleep and nappies tunnel and began to have good holidays etc. again and I think in the end we both realised we had missed the window of opportunity. So my advice would be either do it now or decide not to, but don't dither too much longer or you may agonise for years to come

[undergroundernie]

Do you regret it thirtysomething? I don't want to agonise for years to come. We said last year that we would try for 6 months and then draw a line but I stretched it out. I'm just wondering how to draw the line.

[madness]

because of my age etc I had initially settled for 2but then did decide to go for my third and love it.
My career is also buggered anyway

[motherinferior]

Urge but unyielded to, mainly on account of being really quite old.

[undergroundernie]

I like that they play together and don't always need me, I like that my youngest can now climb into her chair and into the bath. I like that my oldest can now wipe his own bottom and sometimes even flush the toilet so my contact with poo is much reduced. Babies mean 9months of pregnancy worry then months of are they breathing worry, plus never being able to finish a task you started and obviously lack of sleep. But they don't stay babies for ever so 9+18 months down the line there would be another little child as lovely as my other two.

On the other hand if we don't do it we stay in our cosy family of four.

[madness]

btw, when I had a mc at 11 weeks dh thought that was the end but managed to persuade him otherwise..

[Aloha]

Felt urge, but dh has three already (I have a stepdaughter) and doesn't want to do it again, we are both quite old, and I fear pushing my luck. There is ASD in the family and it does worry me. I do feel a bit sad about it, but as the children get older and more independent I think that will fade. Also, at 43, biology is probably close to taking the option away from me. Babies are gorgeous though and I think is very lovely to have several. Sigh.

[Aloha]

Oh yes and the financial aspect also v important, and the knackered, grumpiness aspect.