Toddler mealtimes getting difficult - suggestions please!

[Gemmasmummy]

My daughter (age 2 years 9 months) is becoming increasingly difficult at mealtimes, sometimes refusing to eat anything at all.
Ever since she was born I have made a point of having good, home cooked food, and eating together as a family. But she often refuses what I have cooked so I have started offering baked beans as an alternative.
My husband thinks falling back on baked beans (sounds messy, doesn't it!) will make things more difficult long term and I agree, so we are now thinking of embarking on an "It's that or nothing" approach, with no alternatives and certainly no pudding unless she eats some of her main course.
Has anyone done this, and did it work? I'm worried that she might lose weight and she is already skinny, having been small at birth (5 lb 13 oz). She is bright, energetic, settled, sociable and obedient in all other respects.
We are expecting a new baby in 6 months and don't want to be cooking separate meals. We would not a) force her to eat anything, bribe, cajole or punish her b) offer anything that we know she doesn't like c) expect her to clear her plate, only to eat a reasonable amount (whatever that is). We would be more understanding if she was ill, but usually she isn't.
I think she is learning to manipulate and her "likes" and "dislikes" seem to change, so I can't be 100% sure if she doesn't like something! For example, she will often eat bananas for me, but not for her childminder.
We certainly wouldn't ban baked beans, because they are nutritious, but it's the principle that counts - a hungry child should eat what they are given, within reason.
Sorry it's so long. Any advice welcome!

[PetitFilou1]

I sympathise - have a 2.10 year old ds who is just the same. Think this is pretty normal behaviour - this is one area of their lives they can control when everything else is not in their control. I do the 'that or nothing' approach and also the 'no pudding unless you've eaten some of your main course' approach. The latter sometimes involves putting the yoghurt on the table to be viewed while he eats some of his main course which seems to give him encouragement. He will now sometimes refuse a whole meal. If he does, fine, it just goes in the bin. He's never woken up in the night hungry although is pretty hungry for his breakfast in the morning! Definitely do not offer anything as an alternative - my friend's wife who is a GP is now treating a 4 year old who will only eat cornflakes, almonds and one other thing, can't remember what. She is seeing a paediatrician, a gastro enterologist and a psychologist I think - you don't want to end up like that! Good luck anyway......

[Snowstorm]

Know that this isn't a full answer to what you are asking but ... sometimes when my children (4 and 2) are going through picky stages then I change things around a bit. I move their positions at the kitchen table or present their food in a different way (using different bowls, plates, stuff in little pots) or ... everyone's personal favourite ... we put a large sheet over the kitchen table and a picnic blanket underneath, making an instand 'den'. They then get to eat their (fingerfood/picnic) lunch under the table and it's incredible how much they'll eat then, salad and vegetables and all!