Toddler mealtimes getting difficult - suggestions please!

[Gemmasmummy]

My daughter (age 2 years 9 months) is becoming increasingly difficult at mealtimes, sometimes refusing to eat anything at all.
Ever since she was born I have made a point of having good, home cooked food, and eating together as a family. But she often refuses what I have cooked so I have started offering baked beans as an alternative.
My husband thinks falling back on baked beans (sounds messy, doesn't it!) will make things more difficult long term and I agree, so we are now thinking of embarking on an "It's that or nothing" approach, with no alternatives and certainly no pudding unless she eats some of her main course.
Has anyone done this, and did it work? I'm worried that she might lose weight and she is already skinny, having been small at birth (5 lb 13 oz). She is bright, energetic, settled, sociable and obedient in all other respects.
We are expecting a new baby in 6 months and don't want to be cooking separate meals. We would not a) force her to eat anything, bribe, cajole or punish her b) offer anything that we know she doesn't like c) expect her to clear her plate, only to eat a reasonable amount (whatever that is). We would be more understanding if she was ill, but usually she isn't.
I think she is learning to manipulate and her "likes" and "dislikes" seem to change, so I can't be 100% sure if she doesn't like something! For example, she will often eat bananas for me, but not for her childminder.
We certainly wouldn't ban baked beans, because they are nutritious, but it's the principle that counts - a hungry child should eat what they are given, within reason.
Sorry it's so long. Any advice welcome!

[octobermum]

I have had the same prob with dd now 2yrs 10mths (not birth weight she was 9 lb 4oz), but every since weaning that she not a great eater.

I have found that i have to be strict to some extent eg no snacks, and she has to a good amount of whats given to get her pudding, i avoid things i know she will not eg potatoes, but all other veg are put on her plate and she will try them.

At the moment her routine is

7.30 am cereal and toast.

12 pm Lunch

4.30 - 5pm Dinner.

She is allowd 1 pkt crisps a day any other snacks on if she asks is fruit. I only give these to her if she asks and it not too close to meal time eg an hour or less.

I have found that if she is tired she wont eat. If she refuses to eat a meal that i have prepared and i know that she will eat them i don't offer an alternative. I will offer a youghat near to bedtime if she hasn't eaten well during the day.

[StNicholas]

I´ve gone for the "It´s that or nothing approach" for ages now (DD 2.3) and I think it works. It took about 5 days to get her to accept this. Like Octobermum DD only tends to get fruit for snacks and I´m also careful she doesn´t eat like a horse for breakfast so doesn´t need to eat much else for the rest of the day. I think a lot of the food issue is the child trying to exercise control in the one way they can (your manipulation comment) and also due to the fact that toddlers DO NOT need to eat very much. I´ve completely stopped worrying about quantities of food eaten and this is such a relief after the nightmare of the first 6 months or so. If you´re concerned about your DDs weight then I´d just monitor her weight carefully and seek your doctor´s opinion if you have any cause for concern. HTH.

[Gemmasmummy]

Thanks for the advice. At least I know I am not alone!

[Gemmasmummy]

Thanks for the advice. At least I know I am not alone!